12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

I came across this great article by Paul Hudson in Elite Daily and had to share them with you. Why? As they were written soo simply and soo accurately. So for all you Men out there, have a read as your Miss Right may be standing next to you sharing your fries and you were too blind to see...before you learn't those qualities below. Enjoy the read!

Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.

The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.

We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.

If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.

Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:

1. She’s smarter than you.

Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.

Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.

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2. She’s beautiful.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.

I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.

Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.

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3. She’s kind and nurturing.

Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.

In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.

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4. She’s vivacious.

Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.

Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.

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5. She loves you with all her heart.

This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.

Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.

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6. She’s willing to make compromises.

People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.

It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.

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7. She feels like home.

Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.

If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.

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8. She is more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong.

Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.

Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.

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9. She is strong, but feminine.

All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.

A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.

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10. She’s passionate.

A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.

The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.

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11. She’s driven.

I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.

Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.

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12. She means the world to you.

Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.

If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.

Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Open Relationships Reduce Jealousy? 12 Surprising Facts About Non-Monogamy

For those who know me well they know that I have talked about how for me personally, I don't see a monogamous relationship working anymore as I see myself and my life, sex, relationships and what I want in my future in a different perspective. Now I know for many they gasp at the thought of a non-monogamous relationship and are disgusted by it or quite simply don't understand it all.

So this is an article I found by Zhana Vrangalova that I hope will answer some of those head scratching questions for you on why so many people and couples have jumped the fence.

For one thing, swingers report more exciting and satisfying lives than the general population.

Consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships, where committed partners mutually agree not to be sexually and/or romantically exclusive to one another, are slowly gaining visibility in the media. Yet, a few anecdotes aside, they are still shrouded in stereotype and mystery. Here are 12 things that recent research reveals about these relationships and the people involved in them. (Some of this research is so brand new that it hasn’t yet been published, only presented at professional conferences, so you’re getting a sneak preview.)


People in CNM relationships may be more prevalent than gay people. Up to 2% of U.S. women identify as lesbian, and up to 4% of men identify as gay. We don’t have nationally representative data on CNM, but in large online samples, 4-5% of respondents say they’re currently in a CNM relationship. Broken down by sexual orientation among Vermont couples, a CNM agreement was had by 3.5% hetero couples, 5% lesbian couples, and up to 50% gay male couples. Yes, gay men are waaay more likely to practice CNM than everyone else.

Up to 40% of men and up to 25% of women might consider CNM. That is how many of 600 participants in a monogamous relationship said they would switch to nonmonogamy if they lived in a world where everyone had open relationships. These data are yet to be published, but some already published research suggests similar openness among many people to try CNM if their partner suggested or OK’d it.

Desire for (non)monogamy exists on a continuum. In his bestseller Sex at Dawn, Chris Ryan argued that humans as a species are nonmonogamous. However, new data from Lisa Dawn Hamilton’s lab suggests it may be more accurate to think of the tendency toward (non)monogamy as a personality characteristic that ranges on a spectrum from very low to very high (just like, say, extraversion and introversion). In other words, some people are completely monogamous, others are completely nonmonogamous, and many more are somewhere in between.

Stigma against CNM is strong, robust, and incredibly pervasive. CNM and the people engaged in it are considered worse than monogamists on virtually every personal or relationship characteristic you could think of, including sexual health, commitment, trust, romance, kindness, loneliness, jealousy, generosity, life satisfaction, education, and success, to name a few. In a psychological phenomenon called the “halo effect,” this negativity extends to traits and behaviors that have nothing to do with relationships. People think that non-monogamists are worse at paying taxes, dog walking, taking multivitamins, or teeth flossing.

This stigma is so pervasive, that even people who are themselves in a CNM relationship think that CNM is inferior to monogamy on almost all of the above characteristics. This is kind of like internalized homophobia experienced by gay people –living in world that strongly stigmatizes your sexual orientation or lifestyle, you can’t help but internalize those prejudices.

Not all CNM types are perceived as equally bad. Swingers (who typically have purely casual sex with others, together with their partners, often in group sex situations) are perceived as dirtier, less moral, less responsible, and less mature than polyamorists (who typically have multiple, long-term sexual and romantic relationships). Those in open relationships (who typically have casual sex with others, but one-on-one, separately from their main partners) were perceived somewhere in between.

When having sex with other people, CNM folks are more responsible regarding health than supposedly monogamous people who are cheating. CNM people are less likely to drink or do drugs beforehand, and more likely to use condoms for vaginal and anal sex, discuss prior partner and STI testing history, cover or sterilize sex toys, and, of course, tell their primary partner about it. What’s more, when they do use condoms, CNM people are more likely than cheaters to use them properly, like check for damage or pinch the tip before putting on the condom, and less likely to make mistakes, like put it on the wrong way then just flip it over, or put it on after intercourse started.

As a result, CNM people do not report more sexually transmitted infections than monogamous folks. As I reported in a recent Playboy article, unpublished data presented at by Justin Lehmiller suggests that people in CNM relationships report virtually identical rates of STIs as those in monogamous relationships – about 20%.

Swingers report more exciting and satisfying lives—sexually and otherwise—than the general population. In the general U.S. population, 32% say they are “very happy” with their lives and 46% think their life is exciting; by comparison, in a large sample of over 1,000 swingers, these numbers were 59% and 76%, respectively. Moreover, 25% of women and 9% of men in the general U.S. population have not had a single orgasm in the past year. Compare that to another large sample of over 1,200 swingers, where less than 5% of women and 1% of men reported never reaching orgasm during swinging (and they may still reach orgasm when not swinging).

People in CNM relationships experience less jealousy than those in monogamous relationships. This is certainly true of gay couples. New, yet-to-be-published data from Terri Conley’s lab suggest it is also true of hetero couples, with polyamorists being particularly low on jealousy. This shouldn’t be surprising really – people who would consider a nonexclusive arrangement are probably pretty non-jealous to begin with.

Finally, CNM couples usually report similar (and sometimes higher) relationship quality than monogamous couples, including things like relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, commitment, or communication between those in monogamous versus CNM relationships. Together with some of Conley’s new research, it looks like this may depend on the type of CNM, with polyamorists showing greater relationship quality than monogamists, those in open relationships showing lower quality, and swingers showing no differences either way.

Perhaps more critically, it may be the lying and hiding that’s linked to worse relationships. In two studies of gay couples, those who were really monogamous and those in CNM relationships had similar relationship quality; it was the cheaters that showed lower relationship quality than both non-cheating groups.

There is so much more to be learned about CNM and the people involved in it, but science is finally starting to ask these questions.


www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Know the kind of a flirt you are dealing with

Written by Reeza Noorani

It's official now and there's research to prove it too -men and women can be divided into categories based on the way they flirt! Sure, people do have flirt detectors, but if you come across one, here's how you can tell what kind of a person you're up against. And while there is no `one size fits all' to flirting, there is no harm in knowing what you're dealing with...

THE TRADITIONAL FLIRT
An approach that is common to most guys who aren't that out going, this guy will not flirt outside of a traditional environment.
Almost a conservative, he will be cautious and polite when flirting.
These are not people who will artfully crack you up in the supermarket queue, or randomly initi ate a conversation that takes interesting turns.

They would instead choose to make meaning ful conversation. Actress Ragini Khanna says that such men interest her. "I hate empty talk. For me, conversation and intel lect are right up there.

Also, I can always say if someone is being sincere or not. It's refreshing to meet someone genuine like that."

Women who are tradi tional flirts will almost always expect men to make the first move, and will take a more passive yet assertive role, in flirt ing. Also, if a woman who is a traditional flirt knows you from before, you have a better chance of bagging a date, since she would prefer to sit back and wait to be wooed.

OUTCOME
Traditional flirting could lead to a serious and meaningful relationship if you're ready for it.

THE SINCERE FLIRT
This kind of a guy would want to be introduced to you rather than go out and make first contact. It's mostly the case when introverts try to flirt. The downside of this is that the woman might not always realise that the guy is flirting with her. Says Ragini, "There are so many times when I don't even know the guy is flirting with me.My friends tell me later that they felt he was!" However, Anubhav, who often speaks with women in the course of his work as a breakup counsellor, says these kind of flirts would play a waiting game and rely on strong emotional connections, rather than risk making a move, which might get boring if the woman is not too interested. For instance, the girl you just met might not be interested in knowing about how exactly your last relationship failed or what your gym routine is. Women on the other hand, develop a more intimate connection if they take this approach.So, if there's lots of personal information being disclosed by a woman, you know that she's the sincere kind and that she's interested.

OUTCOME
A healthy relationship could come out of it, only if you both started on the right note and didn't meet on a dating site.

THE PLAYFUL FLIRT
You know the guy who lures you into a conversation so easily that it is often tough to remember just how you got into it, but know that you're having a really good time? Dating expert Ankit Anubhav says these kind of flirts usually have a good success rate. However, women shouldn't look at anything long-term with them. "These guys are more honest in their approach, since their casualness doesn't hide their intent at all."

OUTCOME
Expect a short-term relationship, fun date nights and a lot of casual conversation. But long-term prospects might be tricky .

THE PHYSICAL FLIRT
As the name suggests, there is a lot of physical intimacy with this kind of guy It's a lot of non-verbal communication where .the guy touches your knee of your hand lightly to make a point. While there is a fine line between being physical while flirting, the ones who are good at it can develop a great intimacy , and the ones who aren't so subtle, could easily put a woman off. Women too, are great with physical flirting. So, if you catch her making eye contact more than a couple of times, it's mostly on. Also, gestures like a tilting of the head or laughing when the joke's not funny , are signs that she's physically flirting.

OUTCOME
There is often great intimacy in such relationships, even though they might not last.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Contraception myths: The withdrawal method, the 'morning after' pill and period sex

Written by Natika H Halil
A story recently hit the headlines of a woman in Colombia using a potato as a method of contraception - which went badly wrong. According to Colombia Reports, she began to feel abdominal pain as roots were growing on the potato after two weeks, and doctors had to remove the object. She reportedly said her mother had advised her to try the contraception method.

At sexual health charity FPA we’ve never come across anyone using vegetables as contraception, but whether this story actually happened or not, we do know that people of all ages are relying on myths and misinformation to prevent pregnancy instead of finding a contraceptive method to suit them.

We take a look at some commons myths, and why it's so important to understand the facts:

MYTH: If your partner withdraws before he ejaculates you won’t get pregnant

There’s been a lot in the news recently about the so-called withdrawal method. But having a partner pull out before he comes is NOT a method of contraception and leaves women at risk of pregnancy. This is because it’s still possible for a sexually excited man to release fluid from his penis even without having an orgasm. This is known as pre-ejaculation fluid or pre-cum and, as it has sperm in it, it can lead to pregnancy.

MYTH: The only contraception choices are condoms or the pill

Although these two methods are still the most well know there are actually 15 methods of contraception available in the UK, all free through the NHS. Sadly, there are still only two choices for men (the male condom and sterilisation), although research into both the male pill and male contraceptive injection is ongoing. Women have a choice of 13 methods, including four methods of long-acting reversible contraception (LARC) which they don’t need to remember to take or use every day or every time they have sex.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you do it standing up

We still hear this one a lot. Sperm are very strong swimmers and gravity alone is not going to stop them reaching and trying to fertilise an egg! If you don’t use contraception then it’s possible for a woman to get pregnant whatever position you were having sex in.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you have sex during your period

Many women think that they’re only fertile for a few days each month, and so they believe they can’t get pregnant during their period and throughout most of their menstrual cycle. There are two factors that make this a myth. Firstly, many women have irregular menstrual cycles so it can be very hard to know for sure ovulation (when an egg is released) has taken place. Secondly, sperm can actually live in the body for up to 7 days so they can be hanging around ready and waiting to fertilise an egg.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if it’s the first time you have sex

This persistent myth is still out there and leading to unplanned pregnancies. If egg meets sperm then it’s possible to get pregnant, whether it’s the first, tenth or thousandth time you’ve had sex.

MYTH: Two condoms are safer than one

Although you might think that an extra layer will offer you extra protection, this isn’t true, and using two condoms actually increases the risk of them splitting or breaking. A male condom used correctly is 98% effective at preventing pregnancy and a female condoms used correctly is 95% effective.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you go to the loo or douche straight after sex

Going to the loo or douching (washing the inner and outer female genitals) won’t help to prevent a pregnancy. Again, this is down to sperm being fantastic swimmers. By the time a woman has got to the loo, or started to have a wash, the sperm are already well on their way and this isn’t going to stop them.

MYTH: It’s OK to re-use a condom if you haven’t got a new one

This isn’t safe – condoms (both male and female) are designed to be used once only, so don’t attempt to wash them out and use them again.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Now lets talk about Tinder and online dating

Written by Mel Macdonald
Now there are many different platforms with online dating from dating agencies, to online matchmaking to apps.

Recently there was an article about a girl who met a man via Tinder and was raped and another that died after falling off a balcony. Its amazing how it has put Tinder in a bad light however, I am here to tell you that after being on many online sites and apps I can honestly say, as a woman, Tinder is the safest method of free dating.

Over the last 12 months I have perused my fair share of dating sites and apps. Each and everyone of them has a slight difference, whether that be the 500 questions of eHarmony to determine your best suitor, to the apps that ask you nothing at all like Tinder. But my last 12hrs on dating app called SKOUT has taken the cake for complication, voyeurism and just plain ridiculousness!

I really felt like I was a pro at these sites. I now had the skills to know how to determine fake profiles, widdle out the creeps and determine who was really interested in just a hook-up or wanting a little more, till yesterday.

I mean lets be honest, dating sites really are nicknamed hook-up sites, but SKOUT takes online connections to a whole new level. I downloaded the app and finally worked out how to upload some images after scratching my head a little. This app is quite diverse in comparison to the simplicity of Tinder where all you do is swipe left or right.

This app allows you to peruse people’s profiles but has a ‘point system’ to access additional pictures that people have loaded above the initial five images. You can ‘buzz’, ‘favourite’, or send a ‘wink’. The Buzz is feed that looks like your Facebook homepage where people basically chat or upload images.

Gaining points allows you to view those that either ‘favourite’ or viewed your profile, access extra pictures in the background of people’s profiles, or send a wink bomb or ‘gift’ (which are a bunch of icons which seem stupid if you have emoji on your phone). Continual advertisements are played and by watching these you can gain these points.

It took me hours to get around the complicated app to work out just how to change the vicinity of my search for a suitor as I got messages from other countries which they call ‘Skout travel’.

While doing this I received nearly 200 hits with ‘winks’ and messages clogging up my phone. Quite frankly my phone was buzzing so much with messages I could have used it as my own personal vibrator!

I chose a few people to chat to and see what kind of guys were on here and holy cow did I get a run for my money. One dark skinned guy in particular who was extremely attractive started off the conversation and within a few questions we determined he was looking for a ‘f*ck buddy’ and that I was looking for someone who ‘didn’t want to marry me and have my babies’.

I queried why he only had 1 image on his profile and was promptly sent 3 really nice above board images then we exchanged a few more. He looked at mine and could see that a few were professional so he asked for a selfie to prove I was real. Ok then. Then it was the typical “do you live alone?” where I said “yes” but I don’t allow men over.

Next came the famous d*ck shot! He asked to hook up at mine. When I asked what was wrong with his place he said he had a flatmate and asked if I wanted a 3 some! My sarcasm escaped quoting “cant you do the job properly yourself”.

Now here is where it got interesting. Next came a picture of his flatmate then a picture of his c*ck! Woah!! Who is this guy? This is going pear shaped real fast!

What happens next is a first for me.  

A few hours later I had woken up as I was feeling ill and decided to peruse the long list of messages when he came online again trying to hook-up. Its 2am now and I explained I was not feeling well and in no mood for sex when the continued rejection from me prompted him to show me how he is sharing my images with his mates who are messaging me (including his flatmate) and that these boys like to share girls.

This silently disgusted me so I thought two can play this game and I told him my gay mate had a good ‘pull’ over their c*ck shots. That was it! These guys were convinced I was a Gay Guy hiding behind a Woman’s Profile! Wow!! So before I know it his flatmate has plastered on the ‘buzz feed’ that I am a Gay Fake Profile.

Now I know a lot of people bag the app Tinder but listen up ladies to why after one year of research on online sites hands down its my preferred dating app. It is private!

It the only site where you

·      Cannot be messaged until you both agree you like each other.

·      You never have to worry about creepy messages or creepy pictures being sent before you agree to chat.

·      You don’t have to put any information on your profile whatsoever. I

·      If you come across someone who is aggressive or crude you can block him or her immediately without having to report them and wait.

Tinder is the only dating site I have come across that is Private Private Private.

There is no buzz feeds to have rumours or images spread or your reputation ruined to an entire site.

Luckily for me I have thick skin and any images I send I have no issue who sees them or I wouldn’t send them. So boys, all I can say is thanks for the eye opener and enjoy the images for your spank bank, as not all women want to be part of a porn movie scenario. Especially the ones you rudely call…MILF’s.

6 Qualities That Make You a Love Magnet

Forget about ripped abs, bulging biceps, and a flat stomach, as well as a fat bank account, friends in high places, and your own private jet. These six personality traits power the pull of magnetic attraction. 

Written beautifully by Thomas G. Fiffer for The Good Men Project.

It’s nearing the end of the day and the weekend’s approaching. Are you getting ready to go home to your lover and making fun weekend plans? Or are you reading advice articles and wondering why, despite your hours at the gym and in those continuing ed classes, that special someone you desire so dearly to date—and perhaps move in with or marry—never seems to materialize? Some people choose a single life, and embracing solitude doesn’t mean staying solitary or feeling unfulfilled. But for those who are seeking—and not finding—the perfect partner of your dreams, the list below offers some surprises on what people truly find irresistible.

1. Consistency. Myth: Consistent people are dull and boring; they lack spontaneity and a sense of adventure. Consistency may be the hobgoblin of small minds, but it is the heart of successful relationships. Being consistent doesn’t rule out “Surprising your mate with an unexpected [whatever the magazine recommends].” You can be consistently surprising, consistently out of the box, consistently different. What being consistent does mean is showing up when you say you will. It means working steadily at projects until you finish. It means having values and principles and sticking to them, especially when they’re challenged. And it means maintaining healthy emotional and physical life habits. Consistent people know that being present in the same way every day beats the occasional grand gesture hands down every time. Consistency is … tempting.

2. Balance. Myth: All passionate lovers are emotionally unstable basket cases. Being balanced doesn’t mean you don’t possess strong passions—in the conference room or the bedroom—or that you dutifully list the pros and cons before your every move. Being balanced means you have a center and can navigate rough waters and roll with the surges. It means you don’t easily get upset or thrown off your game. It means you can understand and accept a person’s feelings while respectfully disagreeing. And it means you don’t internalize the anxiety of the people around you. Balanced people have their own thermometer that remains at body temperature when things around them start to bubble and boil. Balance is … hot.

3. Openness. Myth: Open people lack conviction and don’t know what they want. Being open doesn’t mean being willing to do anything or answering every question with, “whatever, you choose.” Being open means being open-minded, open to new experiences and experiments. Being open means listening before you decide or judge. Being open means joining your partner in an unpleasant emotion—frustration, disappointment, sadness—even if it is not your own and even if you are the cause. Being open also means never, ever being dismissive and always being open to discussion. Being open means being open-eyed and aware of your own issues. And being open means being generous and acting with an open heart and open hands. Openness is … alluring. 

4. Impulse control.  Myth: Impulsive people are the only ones who are free be themselves, generate excitement, and pursue their dreams. Having impulse control doesn’t mean suppressing your true nature, measuring out your life with coffee spoons, or never taking a risk or blowing the budget on something big. Having impulse control means not behaving in a self-destructive manner. It means not gossiping or indulging negativity. It means putting your best interest ahead of your self-interest—most of the time—and leaning towards your better nature. It means holding back even when you’re enraged and holding your tongue as well. It means not thinking from below the waist. And it means responding instead of reacting. Impulse control is … seductive.

5. Tenderness. Myth: Tender people are weak and oversensitive. Tenderness is not the opposite of strength but the foundation of strength, and sensitivity is a strong quality. Being tender means baring your heart, exposing your soft parts with a confident vulnerability. It means acting gently and with compassion, a stance that requires courage. It means humbly acknowledging your own frailty as you lend support to others, knowing they will lean on you and make you bend. It means not just drying tears and dusting someone off but affirming that it’s OK to cry. It means when someone is pushed and stumbles, you shout “man down” instead of “man up.” It means foreplay is an act in itself. Tenderness is … arousing.

6. Boundaries. Myth: Boundaries are those silly things you let go of when you fall in love. Boundaries are absolutely the most important thing you can bring to and maintain in every type of relationship and especially in intimate ones. Having boundaries eliminates confusion and lets you be clear when you communicate. Having boundaries means you don’t secretly resent what you allow. Having boundaries means you have self-respect, without which you’re not capable of respecting your partner. Having boundaries means you always know where you stand with each other and what happens if you cross the line. Having boundaries means understanding that healthy relationships are based on accommodation, not sacrifice. Having boundaries is … sexy.

Honey, I Have Herpes

By Anna Lekas Miller, July 9, 2014

Takeaway: Many people with herpes live full, normal lives. That includes dating, having healthy long-term relationships and, yes, having sex.

I really like you, but I have to tell you something … I have herpes.

Astoundingly, 1 million people in the United States are living with genital herpes, and one in every six people between the ages of 19 and 49 have the infection. And that's just herpes. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), there are between 55 and 65 million people living in the United States with an incurable sexually transmitted infection (STI) - and these are only the cases that have been tested, documented and reported to the CDC. 

Even though STIs - especially genital herpes, or HSV-2 - are so prevalent, they still carry an enormous stigma. In fact, herpes ranks No.2 - only after HIV/AIDS - as the condition associated with the most stigma and self-consciousness, higher than obesity and disability.

According to popular culture, anyone with herpes, or "the herp,"must be promiscuous, or has fooled around with someone who is. They’re branded for life, and are assumed to have genitals that resemble hamburger meat. Like one character in 2009 comedy "The Hangover" says, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas - except for herpes; that shit’ll come back with ya." 

But here's the truth: There are many people living with herpes. Living full, normal lives. That includes dating, having healthy long-term relationships and, yes, having sex. 

Viruses, Bacteria and Parasites Don't Discriminate

"One of the biggest misconceptions about STDs and STIs is that they only happen to a certain kind of person," Jenelle Marie, founder of The STD Project told me. "But viruses, bacteria and parasites don’t discriminate! We’re human. Our bodies are not infallible."

Marie, 29, has been living with genital herpes since she was 16. Now, after years of coming out to partners, friends and family members, she has started The STD Project, an online information resource and support network to share stories, and answer all the tough questions that arise when anyone is diagnosed with an STI. 

"When I was diagnosed, my doctor basically said 'here is a prescription and here is the door,'" Marie said. "He didn’t give me resources or tell me about websites or tell me that millions of people are living with herpes and contract it every year. He didn’t tell me that it was manageable."

Many sexual health websites, such as Planned Parenthood, the CDC and even WebMD have information about STIs, how to get tested and how to reduce transmission, but few give recommendations on how to live your life if you're diagnosed with an STI, particularly if it's incurable. That leaves those who have been diagnosed to seek out the scant information that's available on their own - and they're often faced with more media that perpetuates stigma than valuable information on how to proceed. 

Another major misconceptions about sexually transmitted infections is getting tested. A standard test looks for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia, but not Herpes. To be tested for HSV-2 - the virus that causes herpes - you have to either exhibit visible symptoms of an outbreak, or ask and pay extra for a specific test. This is the case with many other STIs as well. A standard pap smear only reveals one strain of HPV, and there is no test for men to tell whether or not they are carriers. 

Unfortunately, what that means is that many people who get tested leave the clinic with the assumption that they're in clear. In reality, they haven't been tested for everything that they could have - or be at risk of passing on. (Get some tips on how to avoid infection in The Ultimate Guide to Safe Sex.)

Honey .... I Have Something to Tell You

According to a study by Dr. Anna Wald, a virologist at the University of Washington, only half of those infected with genital herpes divulge their status to regular partners. This drops to 20 percent for casual hook ups. The reality is that the more you communicate with sexual partners about your status, the safer they'll be. 

"I don’t think you necessarily have to tell someone on the first date. I don’t say, 'Hi! I’m Jenelle. I have genital herpes. Want to get a coffee?’ But it definitely is important to tell them before you put them at risk," Marie said.

She also recommends arranging a casual date in a private setting to tell any potential partner about an STI. This should include giving them the necessary information to let them make an informed decision about whether they want to pursue a sexual relationship. 

"I tell people the full story. I tell them when I contracted it, that I have genital herpes - I say the full word - then I also tell them what I know," Marie said. 

"I give them some basic information about what it is, how you contract it and transmit it, what it does to your body, how I maintain it and manage it. Then I tell them that there is a lot more information online and I encourage them to do their own research", she said.

"Then I leave. It’s important to let someone process the information on their own."

Does an STI Mean No More Sex?

According to a WebMD survey of 2,000 people - 25 percent of whom had herpes - most uninfected respondents said they would not be interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who had the disease. Even so, in practice, despite the risk, the stigma and the perpetual unpleasantness of the conversation, Marie says she has never been rejected because she carries the herpes virus.

"My ex-husband said, 'That’s it?! I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant with another guy’s baby!" Marie laughs. 

"My current boyfriend said, 'That’s all you had to tell me? I thought you were going to tell me a horrible secret that you weren’t who you said you were." 

Love has many faces or does it?

LOVE HAS MANY FACES OR DOES IT?

Written by Mel Macdonald

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

As women its like we are bred as hopeless romantics from the beginning. I remember being about 6 years old and doodling on my notebooks at school my first name and the surname of the guy I had a crush on. If it didn’t rhyme he wasn’t for me (funnily enough I still do this and I’m over 40!).

I’m not sure if this theory works or not after 2 marriages ending in divorce (and yes my name rhymed well) but maybe that’s because I wasn’t fully aware that love actually has many faces.

I know people believe that we have 1 soul mate and they go about hunting this person down to spend the rest of their lives with them. 

"But who says you’re supposed to marry your soul mate?"

I know who mine is and he is the one I have kept as a friend all these years. I know we are not supposed to be together this life and I would never risk that connection we have on some belief that he is the one I am supposed to marry.

So what is love and what does it look like?

For me, as a kid, love was those butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

As a teenager, he was the hot guy down the road whom you did your first everything with.

As a young adult, he was the man that would be there no matter what. He was the stable logical one in the relationship who would rush home if you were sick and thought your were beautiful even if you were having a bad hair day.

In my mid 20’s, he was the one I least expected. Not the clean-shaven man I was looking for but a gentle person that had many physical facets that I never looked for in a man. He made me want to give up everything just to be with him (and I did).

My late 20’s and through my 30’s, love came in the form of the ‘hot jock’. It was all about the lust from day 1 to the end and beyond! I know it was more lust then what we describe as love but was that really that bad? I mean, how many couples still grope their partner after 10 years?

Then came my 40’s. Lots of reflection and self love for a few years without the distraction of a relationship and then came the dating. There was the young hot one who loved living in our bubble of happy conversation and mutual growth. Then came the long distant lust affair of two people desperate to meet again. Then I stumbled across the opposite of anything I was intentionally looking for.

If intensity was on a scale of 1-100 this guy was 1,000.  I warned him on our first date not to fall in love with me cause I would “break his f’n heart”. Did that stop him? Hell no! He was a goner immediately. I was like nothing he had ever met before and even though for him our date was supposed to be part of a bet with his mates, it turned into something else real fast.

He offered me more in 1 week then any man had offered in me 25 years of dating!

“This is ridiculous…this is out of control…he is not what I am looking for. He smokes…blah…he drinks more then I am comfortable with…he lives most of the year overseas. This is crazy! No, no, no, no!”

Now does love at first sight really exist or is it just the bunch of chemicals your body is releasing that is playing tricks with your mind?

Love can actually come across like a drug. Kissing alone is 200 times more powerful then morphine so can you imagine how someone is feeling when you’ve taken it to the next level?

If its been a long time between drinks its like an overdose.

These are chemicals that are getting released into your system-

Adrenaline -makes you feel exhilarated

Beta-endorphins -increasing the feeling of human bonding

Oxytocin - also known as the cuddle drug

Serotonin -acts like an anti-depressant making you feel serenity and ecstasy

Vasopressin - better known as the protection drug. Supports feelings of possession (you are that possession now)

Testosterone - fuels your sex drive making you feel sexually virile

Phenylethylamine -triggers the release of Dopamine making you feel overwhelmed with feelings of bliss, attraction, and excitement and is your fireworks!

So the logical brain kicked in and asked, “Is it really love or just that we are loving the drug affect we are getting being around each other?”

I hadn’t been looking for love. I hadn’t wanted anything significant. I was just out there again, on the market, and seeking open-minded enlightenment. I was doing what I called a ‘social experiment’ and I stumbled across a man who would shake it all up. Shake up my ‘in control’ program.

Love does come in many forms and most of the time it’s when you least expect it and not with whom you thought. So when you’re not sure, hang in there a little longer to see how you feel after the drugs wear off!

Love has many faces or does it?

From Relationship Frustration to Elation: 5 Tips to Revive Your Love Life

If your sex life with your partner isn’t as wildly exciting as it used to be, we have news that might surprise you: you’re completely normal. While we all daydream about those honeymoonish days where sex was on every meal’s dessert menu, it’s only inevitable for even life’s most wondrous pleasures to lose their newness.

Sound a little disheartening? On the contrary. An honest recognition of a dip in coital climate and the willingness to take a proven route of action to sing your way out of the bedroom blues is already enough to get the mercury rising once again.

Having recently surveyed couples who have successfully transformed their sex lives from icy to spicy, we’ve analyzed common, libido boosting findings to bring you the top five ways for even those with the most demanding schedules to start getting busy.

5. UPGRADE YOUR SEXTING PLAN

Our sexually satisfied surveyors reported they felt younger on days when they exchanged dirty text messages with their partner. While you both may be surrounded by people all day—text messages, unlike phone calls, are exclusively private and take mere seconds to write. On top of creating arousal, your touchtone foreplay creates an insider bonding experience similar to that you experienced as a student stealthily passing notes in class.

4. COMMUNICATE WITH NEEDERS AND IMPEDERS

Couples that find time to make great love avoid making something else—excuses. Let’s face it—everyone is busy, and mostly for the same two reasons—loved ones and work. When you finally have time off from work, you tend to be around one of two types of people—needers or impeders. Whether you have children or roommates, try getting what you want by giving them what they want. To get alone time, set up a sleepover for your kids at a friend’s house or promise your roommate a fancy dinner for giving you the apartment for the night.

3. QUICKLY DOES IT

Regardless of how busy you are—there’s absolutely no excuse for not having time to indulge in the sporadic quickie. Unlike our previous tip, no planning or coordination is needed—and would actually deter the steamy spontaneity you’re trying to achieve. And while planning is of no importance, neither is location. A stealthy sneak up in the shower, laundry room, garage or wherever your partner happens to be when you finish reading this is the ideal location for your next quickie.

2. REINVENT MOVIE NIGHT

Put away the romantic comedies that leave you feeling like you’re in a lackluster relationship and substitute them for some erotica. Whether you’re new to frisky films or you’ve got a hard drive full of hardcore, there’s something for every comfort level. Together, search and browse erotic clip sites or order an erotic film from one of your satellite channels. And don’t be afraid to make it interactive. For example, see who can watch the longest without getting aroused (with punishments for the loser of course) or reenact your favorite scene.

In addition to creating anticipatory arousal, you’ll discover both mutual and personal turn-ons and fetishes.

1. REDISCOVER THE JOYS OF TOYS

There are only so many anatomical positions that two bodies are capable of entwining themselves in. It’s truly only a matter of time before even the most experimental couple has exhausted every sexual position and sensation. While humans are built for much more than sex, sex toys are specifically crafted to stimulate your most sensitive pleasure points with stamina unmatched by the human body. And if you thought sex toys were just for one-play, think again: the most sexually successful couples incorporate toys into both foreplay and intercourse. For starters, explore shared fantasies with the LELO Indulge Me Pleasure Set.

As you begin your journey toward revitalizing your sex life, consider these pointers the tip of the spiceberg—open to your own creativity. While some of these leading examples might put you out of your comfort zone, recognize that any journey out of your comfort zone is a journey into self-discovery.

Most importantly, don’t procrastinate. Start tonight, and if you happen to be reading this together right now—well, you know just what to do.

Next Article: Better Love through Chemistry: Stay connected with someone special

www.loveandindulgence.com.au