Online Dating Over 50: The Rules of The Game

High50's Monica Porter, who dated "dangerously" for a year, shares nine top tips to help protect yourself, including: don't believe anything, be careful who you get into bed with and split the check.

If you're looking for romance through online dating, make skepticism your starting point, says Monica.

The world of online dating should be regarded as a vast pick-up joint. I know because I immersed myself in it for a year (in my late fifties), and believe me, whether I was encountering horny young men or equally horny (if less crude) older men, the ultimate aim was sex.

That doesn't mean you can't find a serious relationship, even real love, online. After all, a lot of today's married couples met on a dating site. But if that is what you are after, you must be extra wary of (pardon the expression) who you "get into bed with."

As a mature adult you'll need to employ all the healthy skepticism you've built up over the decades, because it's easy on the internet for a person to be economical with the truth, or to tell outright lies about who they are and what they're after.

Rule #1 of dating over 50: Don't believe anyone.

So, lesson number one: believe in nothing until it happens, and no one until you know them.

Emotionally, you need to construct a wall around yourself which nobody can penetrate until you believe it to be safe. People will plunder your emotions without compunction if you let them. It is up to you keep them locked up, like jewels.

Some women, in particular, leave themselves emotionally vulnerable by investing too much hope in a particular potential mate, or after physical intimacy with someone.

If you meet someone you fancy, by all means enjoy good, fun sex. But - hard-nosed as it sounds, and I can't pretend it's always easy - take the emotion out of it or you will be hurt over and over again.

If and when a deeper relationship comes along, don't worry, emotion will come flooding back.

Then there is the scamming side of online dating. Most people have heard the woeful tales of vulnerable, lonely women preyed on by men who promise them love before persuading them to stump up big bucks for a bogus medical bill or some other phony hard-luck scenario.

But it works both ways. There are also the glamorous young foreign women (often revealed to be prostitutes) who expertly manipulate an older man's vanity as an easy way into his wallet, or perhaps to gain British nationality.

Rule #2: Don't part with money.

Lesson number two: if it all sounds too wonderful to be true, that's because it's a lie. Whatever you do, don't open your wallet to a stranger, especially the ones whispering sweet nothings into your computer.

And those aren't the only online dating scams.

One middle-aged Indian gent I dined with during my dating escapades told me about the "gorgeous young blonde" of vaguely Eastern European origin who seductively chatted him up online before conning him into returning her call on an expensive "sexual services" number.

He was too embarrassed to hang up and by the time he ended it, half an hour later, he'd added $70 to his phone bill.

The poor mug had never asked himself why a sexy pouting 25-year-old would throw herself at a fifty-something divorcee.

Rule #3: Beware of profile photos.
Mind you, he hadn't been entirely honest himself. His online photo showed a younger, better looking man than the ropey, dentally challenged individual sitting opposite me in the restaurant.

It is common for dating site users to edit themselves in some way. Some purport to be single, while having a hapless spouse at home. These are usually the candidates without a profile photo. Never respond to contact from the 'faceless'.

Rule #4: Don't use sites for older people.
There are thousands of dating sites. It can be overwhelming, and tricky to choose the right one. My first few weeks online were spent in trial and error. To begin with I used a dating site designed for principally for seniors, but I would advise against this.

Think about it. It attracts the sort of people who only feel safe among their own age group. Don't cut yourself off from the young and their culture, as they help to keep you young too.

Bigger, mainstream, all-generations sites tend to be less staid and a bit more funky. Match.com and eHarmony are among the most popular, and allow you to cast a wide net.

You will meet both people who want a proper relationship and those merely in search of fun and games. Other users, irritatingly, don't seem to know what they want; they just like being in the playground.

Remember that like any other business, dating sites want your money, and they have been known to employ tricks to encourage you to sign up, such as using fake profiles of potential partners who "want to contact you".

Rule #5: Try dating apps.
OK, it's not really a rule, but another option is the dating app for your smartphone, which matches you with people in your geographical area, if you have both registered a mutual attraction. I spent a wild week or two on Tinder, meeting younger men. What good fun.

But Tinder isn't for everybody. If you are over 50 and looking for something a bit more, um, traditional, there is a new app for you, called Stitch. It's being trialled at the moment in the US and Australia.

As with Tinder, only people who like the look and sound of each other will be able to make contact. But the site is meant to be as much about finding someone for friendship and companionship, as for romance and rumpy pumpy.

Despite its frequent frustrations and disappointments, I loved my adventurous year of internet dating. I met a staggering array of people, had some good times, and learnt a lot - about myself and others.

My 'dangerous dating' was brought to an abrupt end due to an unexpected turn of events and in any case I was beginning to feel it had run its natural course. And since the book was published, I have been contacted by many men asking to meet me - so I don't feel tempted to do any more internet dating.

However, online dating is a world of opportunity, courtesy of our wondrous modern technology. Delve in. And good luck.

Four more tips for online dating
• Try a few different sites, subscribing for the minimum period on each (usually a month) until you find the right one.

• Don't provide intimate details about yourself until you feel comfortable with the person you are dealing with.

• Never give money to anyone for anything. If you are a woman, at most offer to split the cost of drinks or a meal.

• Be friendly but on your guard. Enter a dating site as you would walk through a slightly sketchy part of town: looking over your shoulder and holding on to your valuables.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Now lets talk about Tinder and online dating

Written by Mel Macdonald
Now there are many different platforms with online dating from dating agencies, to online matchmaking to apps.

Recently there was an article about a girl who met a man via Tinder and was raped and another that died after falling off a balcony. Its amazing how it has put Tinder in a bad light however, I am here to tell you that after being on many online sites and apps I can honestly say, as a woman, Tinder is the safest method of free dating.

Over the last 12 months I have perused my fair share of dating sites and apps. Each and everyone of them has a slight difference, whether that be the 500 questions of eHarmony to determine your best suitor, to the apps that ask you nothing at all like Tinder. But my last 12hrs on dating app called SKOUT has taken the cake for complication, voyeurism and just plain ridiculousness!

I really felt like I was a pro at these sites. I now had the skills to know how to determine fake profiles, widdle out the creeps and determine who was really interested in just a hook-up or wanting a little more, till yesterday.

I mean lets be honest, dating sites really are nicknamed hook-up sites, but SKOUT takes online connections to a whole new level. I downloaded the app and finally worked out how to upload some images after scratching my head a little. This app is quite diverse in comparison to the simplicity of Tinder where all you do is swipe left or right.

This app allows you to peruse people’s profiles but has a ‘point system’ to access additional pictures that people have loaded above the initial five images. You can ‘buzz’, ‘favourite’, or send a ‘wink’. The Buzz is feed that looks like your Facebook homepage where people basically chat or upload images.

Gaining points allows you to view those that either ‘favourite’ or viewed your profile, access extra pictures in the background of people’s profiles, or send a wink bomb or ‘gift’ (which are a bunch of icons which seem stupid if you have emoji on your phone). Continual advertisements are played and by watching these you can gain these points.

It took me hours to get around the complicated app to work out just how to change the vicinity of my search for a suitor as I got messages from other countries which they call ‘Skout travel’.

While doing this I received nearly 200 hits with ‘winks’ and messages clogging up my phone. Quite frankly my phone was buzzing so much with messages I could have used it as my own personal vibrator!

I chose a few people to chat to and see what kind of guys were on here and holy cow did I get a run for my money. One dark skinned guy in particular who was extremely attractive started off the conversation and within a few questions we determined he was looking for a ‘f*ck buddy’ and that I was looking for someone who ‘didn’t want to marry me and have my babies’.

I queried why he only had 1 image on his profile and was promptly sent 3 really nice above board images then we exchanged a few more. He looked at mine and could see that a few were professional so he asked for a selfie to prove I was real. Ok then. Then it was the typical “do you live alone?” where I said “yes” but I don’t allow men over.

Next came the famous d*ck shot! He asked to hook up at mine. When I asked what was wrong with his place he said he had a flatmate and asked if I wanted a 3 some! My sarcasm escaped quoting “cant you do the job properly yourself”.

Now here is where it got interesting. Next came a picture of his flatmate then a picture of his c*ck! Woah!! Who is this guy? This is going pear shaped real fast!

What happens next is a first for me.  

A few hours later I had woken up as I was feeling ill and decided to peruse the long list of messages when he came online again trying to hook-up. Its 2am now and I explained I was not feeling well and in no mood for sex when the continued rejection from me prompted him to show me how he is sharing my images with his mates who are messaging me (including his flatmate) and that these boys like to share girls.

This silently disgusted me so I thought two can play this game and I told him my gay mate had a good ‘pull’ over their c*ck shots. That was it! These guys were convinced I was a Gay Guy hiding behind a Woman’s Profile! Wow!! So before I know it his flatmate has plastered on the ‘buzz feed’ that I am a Gay Fake Profile.

Now I know a lot of people bag the app Tinder but listen up ladies to why after one year of research on online sites hands down its my preferred dating app. It is private!

It the only site where you

·      Cannot be messaged until you both agree you like each other.

·      You never have to worry about creepy messages or creepy pictures being sent before you agree to chat.

·      You don’t have to put any information on your profile whatsoever. I

·      If you come across someone who is aggressive or crude you can block him or her immediately without having to report them and wait.

Tinder is the only dating site I have come across that is Private Private Private.

There is no buzz feeds to have rumours or images spread or your reputation ruined to an entire site.

Luckily for me I have thick skin and any images I send I have no issue who sees them or I wouldn’t send them. So boys, all I can say is thanks for the eye opener and enjoy the images for your spank bank, as not all women want to be part of a porn movie scenario. Especially the ones you rudely call…MILF’s.

Love has many faces or does it?

LOVE HAS MANY FACES OR DOES IT?

Written by Mel Macdonald

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

As women its like we are bred as hopeless romantics from the beginning. I remember being about 6 years old and doodling on my notebooks at school my first name and the surname of the guy I had a crush on. If it didn’t rhyme he wasn’t for me (funnily enough I still do this and I’m over 40!).

I’m not sure if this theory works or not after 2 marriages ending in divorce (and yes my name rhymed well) but maybe that’s because I wasn’t fully aware that love actually has many faces.

I know people believe that we have 1 soul mate and they go about hunting this person down to spend the rest of their lives with them. 

"But who says you’re supposed to marry your soul mate?"

I know who mine is and he is the one I have kept as a friend all these years. I know we are not supposed to be together this life and I would never risk that connection we have on some belief that he is the one I am supposed to marry.

So what is love and what does it look like?

For me, as a kid, love was those butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

As a teenager, he was the hot guy down the road whom you did your first everything with.

As a young adult, he was the man that would be there no matter what. He was the stable logical one in the relationship who would rush home if you were sick and thought your were beautiful even if you were having a bad hair day.

In my mid 20’s, he was the one I least expected. Not the clean-shaven man I was looking for but a gentle person that had many physical facets that I never looked for in a man. He made me want to give up everything just to be with him (and I did).

My late 20’s and through my 30’s, love came in the form of the ‘hot jock’. It was all about the lust from day 1 to the end and beyond! I know it was more lust then what we describe as love but was that really that bad? I mean, how many couples still grope their partner after 10 years?

Then came my 40’s. Lots of reflection and self love for a few years without the distraction of a relationship and then came the dating. There was the young hot one who loved living in our bubble of happy conversation and mutual growth. Then came the long distant lust affair of two people desperate to meet again. Then I stumbled across the opposite of anything I was intentionally looking for.

If intensity was on a scale of 1-100 this guy was 1,000.  I warned him on our first date not to fall in love with me cause I would “break his f’n heart”. Did that stop him? Hell no! He was a goner immediately. I was like nothing he had ever met before and even though for him our date was supposed to be part of a bet with his mates, it turned into something else real fast.

He offered me more in 1 week then any man had offered in me 25 years of dating!

“This is ridiculous…this is out of control…he is not what I am looking for. He smokes…blah…he drinks more then I am comfortable with…he lives most of the year overseas. This is crazy! No, no, no, no!”

Now does love at first sight really exist or is it just the bunch of chemicals your body is releasing that is playing tricks with your mind?

Love can actually come across like a drug. Kissing alone is 200 times more powerful then morphine so can you imagine how someone is feeling when you’ve taken it to the next level?

If its been a long time between drinks its like an overdose.

These are chemicals that are getting released into your system-

Adrenaline -makes you feel exhilarated

Beta-endorphins -increasing the feeling of human bonding

Oxytocin - also known as the cuddle drug

Serotonin -acts like an anti-depressant making you feel serenity and ecstasy

Vasopressin - better known as the protection drug. Supports feelings of possession (you are that possession now)

Testosterone - fuels your sex drive making you feel sexually virile

Phenylethylamine -triggers the release of Dopamine making you feel overwhelmed with feelings of bliss, attraction, and excitement and is your fireworks!

So the logical brain kicked in and asked, “Is it really love or just that we are loving the drug affect we are getting being around each other?”

I hadn’t been looking for love. I hadn’t wanted anything significant. I was just out there again, on the market, and seeking open-minded enlightenment. I was doing what I called a ‘social experiment’ and I stumbled across a man who would shake it all up. Shake up my ‘in control’ program.

Love does come in many forms and most of the time it’s when you least expect it and not with whom you thought. So when you’re not sure, hang in there a little longer to see how you feel after the drugs wear off!

Love has many faces or does it?

5 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

I was reading an article by Matthew Hussey from Get the Guy, and loved his note about relationships.

“Many people say that if a relationship is right, it should be easy. Though it’s true that if your relationship is too much work it probably isn’t right, it doesn’t mean that a good relationship won’t require effort. The sad truth is that most people bring their best selves on day one to the stranger, and a much lazier more negative version on day 365 with the person they love.”

Wow! Hit the nail on the head. Lets look at just relationships themselves.

"We start off making an effort to be on the best behavior, care about what we look like, wear our best underwear and are willing to negotiate our time, emotions and experiences for that person."

Then comfortability sets in. We burp, fart, walk around in our sloppy Joe’s, lingerie and nice boxers becomes non-existent and the granny knickers and holy jocks come out along with the tracksuits, and our levels of tolerance decrease while our sarcasm increases.

That’s just the effects of routine. We haven’t even talked about what happens after kids!

So here goes with some quick tips to keep the passion in your relationship:

1. Dating

Since when is it ok to stop dating ever?

That’s right, never stop dating your partner. It is imperative to the health, wellbeing and longevity of your current relationship.

I can see you now rolling your eyes at the concept of date night. I’m not talking about the same night every week, eating at the same restaurant, having the same boring conversation.

Mix it up! Different days, different venues, different events. Try movies, dinner, day dates at a winery, special event venues in your city, go to the zoo or museum, theatre, comedy (highly recommend this one), night picnic on the beach, sporting event (you both like fellas), or even a night away at a hotel (guaranteed to spice it up).

For those with kids, you are not a bad parent for leaving them at home while you go out with the person YOU chose to be with for the rest of your life. By putting your relationship last on your list you are actually doing your entire family an injustice.

"By having a loving, intimate relationship in front of your children you are teaching them the best life skills for a future successful relationship"

(pssst…kids know when your faking it).

2. Grooming

This covers hair, face, how you dress and intimate body parts landscaping!

Ooohh I just felt another eye roll.

Oh my god, you want me to wax or shave during winter? Since when it is ok to let yourself go? Obviously we are happy to do this as a deterrent to make sure your partner doesn’t come near you, but if your reading this article I’m hoping you actually WANT some attention from your other half. Are you cool with going down there when the forest has come to town? No? Well why should they feel any different?

The benefit to taking some care in your appearance is it will boost YOUR self esteem and trust me, that new found confidence will snowball into every part of your life and wait ’til your see how your life changes for the better!

3. Kissing

200 times more powerful then morphine. That’s why it’s the drug of choice for women.

For those who have had a slowdown or full blown stop in their intimacy within their relationship, I recommend you try the 5 minute challenge taken on by so many of our customers recently.

For 5 minutes every day for a week, kiss, not peck, your partner passionately and watch how that libido that had taken a vacation is stirred like the underlying giant it is!

4. Be Selfless

Take a mental note of things your partner likes.

Everything from food, what you wear, how you do your hair, when they comment when you touch or kiss them a certain way, events they spark an interest in on TV, things they want to do, things they mention they like or their fantasies.

Ladies, it also doesn’t hurt to remind him of ways he can make you happy, as guys love roadmaps!

5. Special occasions

These deserve special experiences no matter how long you have been together.

Nothing is more of a relationship deflator when your birthday, anniversary or holidays come around and it is a non-event.

"We are not saying go out and splurge on something you can’t afford. One of the best gifts you can give your partner is simply your time!"

Go on a day trip to a place neither of you have been to before or go learn something new together. By doing something like this you not only get QUALITY time together but also you have just created a new point of connection and conversation. It doesn’t get any better then that.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Online Dating Profile: Do’s and Don’ts

It was only a few short years ago that online dating was looked upon with disdain; the relationships that stemmed from it unnatural and doomed to failure – because if you can’t connect with people in the real world, what hope is there for you and your partner?

According to the 35 million people signed up for Match.com and eHarmony and the approximate hundreds of thousands of marriages resulting from online dating every year, it just ain’t that way. 


When it comes to dating in these modern times, all of these people will tell you that it’s a fuss- and rejection-free way to play the field – all while meeting even more people than they would with traditional dating.

Whether it’s for a fun fling or something more permanent, your first step in online dating is making a profile that will act as your calling card for thousands of potential suitors seeking internet-borne intimacy.

Check out our tips on how to stand out from the rest;

Get in the mood

If you’ve ever had a telemarketing or otherwise telephone-centric job, you’ll be told to smile while you speak, because people can hear the smile in your voice.

While we’re not asking you to be grinning while you type out your personal details, we highly suggest you be in a good mood and feeling great about yourself while you describe yourself to perfect strangers – because that confidence and positivity shines through without a doubt.

While you’re tapping out your details, wear something you feel sexy in, play the music that makes you feel your best, unique self that’s bound to shine through your online avatar.

Picture this...

Obviously you’re going to want to post a fantastic picture of yourself, but be aware that a full-sized pic can sometimes look less than flattering when reduced in size to a thumbnail, so always check the preview of your image in the size it will be displayed in before hitting that ‘submit’ button.

... Or don’t.

You might be uncomfortable with putting your image out there in the beginning, and for the sake of privacy or protecting your online images, there are many who agree with you. If that’s your choice, then when it comes to describing your appearance in words be wary of claims that can be perceived as dubious, and avoid claiming your celebrity look-alike.

When describing your appearance however, be sure to mention your favorite part about you. Are you proud of your hair? Say so! Think you’ve got a great butt? Speak up! Do you believe you’ve got the hands of a hand model, if you say so yourself? Then by all means – say it so yourself. These kind of claims pique interests and get imaginations running wild.

Share what you love

‘Movies, music and reading’ just isn’t going to cut it when asked what your interests are – stand out with more unique information about yourself.

What was the last movie that moved you or made you laugh until you cried? What album do you currently have on repeat? Which book are you reading for the third time? Answers like these say a lot more about you than you might think, and are the same kind of icebreaking topics that first date dialogues are made from.

Be specific about what you want, not who you want

If it’s a seasonal fling, a one-night only thing, a few hot dates or a lifelong mate you’re after, then let that be known from the outset and avoid an awkward exchange about expectations down the road.

But when it comes to the kind of person you want to respond to your profile, keep the parameters open to a wide number of people. Cast a wide net, and you’ll receive even more offers from suitors, leaving you with a bigger pool of possible mates to choose from, because remember, a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ is as simple and painless as a click of the mouse!

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

NEXT ARTICLE: HOT TIPS FOR COOLER SUMMER SEX

TIPS FOR SEXTING: 5 MISTAKES THAT TURN GOOD SEXT INTO BAD SEXT

So one cosmo turned into three and your thumbs are hovering over your phone’s keyboard, ready to text the flirty architect you met at last week’s gala. You’re about to send a sext – one of the recent slang terms legitimized by Webster and defined as “the sending of sexually explicit text messages via cell phone or other mobile device,”

Sexting’s appearance in the dictionary is hardly surprising, seeing that as many as 71% of women have done it according to recent findings on our infographic.



However, as this tantalizing technological technique is still in its historical infancy, its official rulebook yet to be written – we can help. We’re here to provide you with the top five sexting don’ts, so when you go striking those keys, you’re not striking down your chances.



DON’T TEXT TWICE IN A ROW


Three hours and no response? Maybe it didn’t go through. Yeah, that’s it. Must be a glitch – I’d better resend. When thoughts like these emerge, keep in mind you sent a text message, not a carrier pigeon. He got or will get your text, and there’s no way to know whether he’s rejoicing in silence, fast asleep, or taking a cell phone sabbatical. Either way, that one extra text isn’t going to achieve anything but making you seem needy.



DON’T SMS ASAP


Unlike the first tip, this one is to be used at your discretion. When getting sexted, the goal is to wait as long as realistically possible to respond while not coming off as a flake or missing your window of opportunity. It’s good to allow for enough time for him to receive at least one other text from someone that is not you. Your silent absence builds sexual tension and makes him realize just how bad he wishes that last incoming text was from you.



DON’T OVERSTRESS THE ‘YES’


When he asks you to meet him somewhere later, don’t be the putty in his hands and reply with an immediate ‘yes.’ Embrace the power of the ‘maybe.’ While your actual answer might actually be What should I tell the cab driver, a maybe says, I have better things to do, but you’re not so bad, so I’ll consider it. It’s not uncommon for guys to hedge their bets with women, especially on the weekends. A ‘maybe’ will keep you on his mind and put him well on his way to breaking rule number one.



DON’T ‘OTHER GIRL’ HIM


Don’t inquire about other women—even if you think you’re doing it as a joke (which of course, you’re not). “Other girling” him (e.g. — texting: I’m sure you’re out having fun with all the other girls) is insecurity masked as playfulness in an attempt to gauge his player status. Your inquisition isn’t going to merit a truthful answer from him anyway, so forego the prying.



DON’T BE OVERLY-OBVIOUS


Ambiguity is the name of the game. For instance, you don’t want to look too easy inviting him over after it’s obvious you both have been out. Marketers: put that marketing degree and psychology minor to good use and choose your words creatively. Compare I think I’m having some people over for afterhours if you’d like to join us to Wanna come over? Same meaning, different marketing strategy.



While technology might be rapidly developing, our human psychology is still more or less stuck in the Stone Age of predictability – keep in mind that human beings are programmed to desire that which cannot be easily attained, so there’s some evolutionary wisdom behind playing hard to get.



And while your cell phone probably ranks number one as the electronic device you could never live without, our Tiani 2 Couples’ Massager featured in the new Indulge Me Pleasure Set, is sure to make you reconsider that answer.

Next Article: From Relationship Frustration to Elation-5 Tips to Revive your Love Life