Why we Cheat?

By Melina Macdonald

This is a question that people in all honesty ask themselves in the silence of their thoughts not out loud. Why? Because in actual fact the truth hurts.

It doesn’t really matter whether you are asking why other people are doing it or why you just did it; the fact is the truth is the most disturbing part of this dilemma and what actually seems to be becoming a more common occurrence in today’s busy society.

The gender is also irrelevant in this topic as quite simply both parties are doing I it as much as each other. Adult sites have been created just to help people do this very thing…cheat.

Both Victoria Milan and Ashley Madison websites, whose target market is married people looking for affairs, have conducted their own surveys to keep in touch with what their customer base wants and what their common traits are. The most amazing statistic to come out of these is that people are having affairs with people that they find to be less attractive then their spouses. Less! The common belief that we tend to ‘upgrade’ to a younger hotter version is also not entirely true with 30% of men and 50% of women having this as an important factor. However what is common is the same thing I believe to be true, the lovers seem to be better listeners and more passionate.

I have written other articles in the past about this very topic…cheating, and discussed the common occurrence that tends to happen in the brothels. The men spend the first 45 minutes just talking. They simply just want to be heard. The last 15 minutes is oral sex 80% of the time and more commonly these days is that the men want to be the one giving it!

So if passion and listening is the main reasons for people cheating then why can’t this be solved at home?

So I say lets look at the findings and pop a simple plan in place to alleviate the stresses.

1.     Take time to listen. Why not go for walks together and during this time both just listen to other person talk with no interruptions and no judgement. Walking is a great way to get fit and either shed those kilos’s to deal with that aesthetic reason too.

2.     Keep the passion alive. Why not surprise your partner by changing it up once in a while. To do this you need to think about a few factors so go look at yourself in the mirror. How do you hold yourself up? What are you wearing? Ditch the sloppy Joes because trust me, your partners lover is not dressing like this! Put effort into how you look and most importantly care about how you look. Note to both sexes: Buy some sexy underwear.

3.     Make time for sex. For those of you saying out loud right now “but I have kids”…shut up! This has to be the single biggest excuse for basically ‘procrastinating’ from having sex again (you know who you are). Yes things have changed in your home environment but we are not talking about a weekend shagging up session. We are talking about a job that can take minutes to (I’m going to suggest) 30 minutes of your schedule. Make chores a joint effort so kids are in bed by 8pm and off you go! Relationships are about making time, making things a priority and nurturing the one factor that brought the two of you together which was intimacy. It is the single most driving force within a relationship and if you think it isn’t then your perception of relationships is severely warped. People with no money, those that are severely overweight and those that have 10 kids still find time to be intimate (the other common arguments on why people break up or cheat). So if you want to keep your relationship healthy MAKE TIME now.

4.     Try something new. Relationships can get boring and monotonous. Starting a new hobby, changing routine every now and again or even roles within a household can stimulate change. This includes date nights and how you romance your partner. It can be a hit and miss but as long as you’re trying its great.

5.     You need to be more then just good friends. Lust is a driving force in a long-term successful relationship. Please note that when I say ‘successful’ I am not meaning how many years you have been together, I am meaning that you are both ‘in love’ with each other not just ‘love’ each other.

6.     Get out of your comfort zone together occasionally. Ditch the kids and go stay at a hotel. Its doesn’t have to be a dirty weekend. Just the element of doing something different is important enough.

My last piece of advice is Piss Off The Fear!

Fear of rejection is the NO#1 factor of relationship breakdowns. Fear to talk about how you feel, what you want, what you need, what your passions are, what your desires are and especially what your sexual fantasies are. This is why people cheat! The fear of approaching there loved one and being looked at as a freak, dirty, pervert etc. is why they turn elsewhere. So throw away the fear of rejection and stop living a lie as this in itself.

www.lveandindulgence.com.au

The STI Blame Game

By Melina Macdonald

Did you know that there is a higher chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STI) via Oral Sex then through good old-fashioned normal penetration sex?

If you are saying NO, which is typically over 80% you, I suggest you invest the next 7-minutes of your life getting a fast education about how to have safe oral and penetration sex (even those of you in a monogamous relationship), how to experience your fantasies of threesomes safely and understand that this should not be a scary topic! Lets also discover WHY figures are showing an annual increase in STI’s and that NONE OF US is out of harms way of catching one.

Modern technology has changed the face of our sexual relationships with some people utilising online platforms like Tinder and Scout to find a quick hook-up, use Ashley Madison to have an extra marital affair, or Redhotpie and Adult Matchmaker to satisfy sexual curiosities or find that perfect playmate for a night. The typical ‘monogamous’ or ‘no sex before marriage’ relationship has evolved just like how our family trees have evolved over time.

So when we look at all the different kinds of relationships we have today you would think that safe sex with condom usage would have increased over time for protection. Wrong! The Australian Bureau of Statistics reports show STI’s such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and HPV are annually on the steady increase.

Australian condom manufacturer Big Richard stated that research showed 53% of 16-24 year olds use protection and condom usage declines as people grow older. Now do remember that condom usage should be for STI protection not necessarily for pregnancy contraception. So lets look at why this is happening by discussing a simple sexual scenario.

Scenario

Man meets woman. Woman gets her regular Pap smear and STI check-up and discovers she has a STI. Woman decides to advise sexual partner/s and suggest they get an STI test as to make sure they don’t pass this STI back and forth to each other.

Reactions options to STI conversation:

-       Obtain medication from doctor and move on.

-       Both start finger pointing accusing the other of cheating.

-       Treat the other like they are ‘unclean’.

-       Relationship instantly goes bust.

Reality is:

-       No-one honestly knows who did what or who had what or who spread it

-       Finger pointing isn’t solving anything

-       Treating or viewing someone as ‘dirty’ & ‘unclean’ is ridiculous

-       Most people have zero idea about STI’s as they prefer to have their heads in the sand about this topic

-       There is too much stigma around STI’s so it is not openly discussed

Its time to now have a frank conversation about why people just like you, yes you, do NOT use protection like condoms or oral dams in all their sexual encounters:

People look at someone and assume that they are:

-           Using protection or their other sexual partner’s are using protection

-           Honest & upstanding

and my favourite…

-           ‘Clean’

or

-       They are on the pill and believe this is enough protection (The pill is not a protection from an STI only pregnancy)

-       There is just no conversation or permission asking at all before he plays ‘bareback’ and just pokes it in!

Then we have the WHY he doesn’t want to wear one ‘bareback’ excuses:

- I can’t wait. Your sooo sexy and turn me. Lets just do it.

- I can’t cum with a condom on

- I can’t feel anything with a condom on

- I’m allergic to latex (this one can be genuine but there are non-latex condoms on the market)

- It will feel soo much better without one

- Don’t you trust me?

- I don’t have any on me

-  Ruins the mood

- Aren’t you on the pill?

FACT about STI’s:

-       Men are generally carriers

-       There are commonly NO symptoms. In fact most people that have STI’s are completely unaware

-       Some STI’s can lay dormant for months and years

-       People are uneducated or naive about sexual education

-       Some STI’s can cause irreplaceable damage such as chlamydia when undetected

-       They can be spread via sex toys that are not cleaned properly

-       Going from anal to vaginal sex spreads STI’s

-       You are not ‘unclean’ or ‘dirty’ because you have had one

-       Over 80% of sexually active people will experience one in their lifetime!

-       There is a higher chance of contracting a STI’s via oral sex. STI’s can be transmitted even when using a condom if you practice oral, anal or mouth to anal sex

There are 3 main STI risks in unprotected Oral Sex:

-       HPV (herpes simplex) 50-80% of adults have herpes virus 1 (also known as cold sores HSV-1) with more then half of the new genital herpes are being contracted this way. It is contracted through skin-to-skin contact NOT via bodily fluids and oral HPV affects 1 in 15 Americans as per studies done by The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health (The CSPH). It is the leading cause of oral and throat cancer more so then tobacco!

-       Gonorrhoea & Chlamydia are the most commonly transmitted via bodily fluids but are easily treated with antibiotics.

-       HIV is rare but can also be transmitted this way

-       Hepatitis and other bacterial infections can also be transmitted during mouth to anal play.

It is important to understand that most of these STI’s do NOT show symptoms (asymptomatic) or signs of the infection. Studies by CSPH showed that 82% of adults and 70% of adolescents do not use protective tools during oral sex such as condoms or oral dams.

Whether you are single or a couple all sexually active adults should be tested annually. Unfortunately most people never ask to be tested for oral STI’s as this is not part of the normal tests conducted. Even if you are using condom protection however you have had multiple partners you should always be getting regular STI check-ups every 3-6 months (depending on how frequently you have sex).

How to protect yourself from oral STI’s:

I understand that the idea of giving your man a headjob with a condom or your lady using an oral dam is weird or just plain yucky tasting but today there is some great products on the market that you can use as a flavour over these. They are not only safe to use (as it doesn’t break down the latex component of the condom) but is vegan and not harmful to your body (many flavoured lubricants unless organic are not recommended). 

Check out the NEW Lic-o-liciousOral Delight Cream manufactured by On by Sensuva 

Safety in a Threesome experience:

I want to touch on this topic quickly before I finish as this is a highly sort out sexual fantasy for many and they are not sure how to go about this safely. Recently I had someone who was talking to me about wanting to experience a threesome and hiring an escort was suggested to them. They couldn’t get their head around having an intimate experience with a prostitute. I advised that it is a highly advised option and that other then the escort making sure that this is a positive experience for all involved (this scenario can go pear shaped real fast), that if they are working as an escort or in a brothel they are a safer option in regards to STI’s (as they have monthly check-ups) then picking up some random in a bar.

Conclusion:

This is YOUR vagina or YOUR penis and at NO time should you expect someone else to be responsibility for your sexual health.

The ONLY person responsible for your sexual health is YOU!

So stand up, make a doctors appointment, pee in a jar and from now on remember YOU are the only person who truly knows where your penis or vagina has been so ALWAYS slap on a condom and get regular tests and…

Stop pointing fingers and just grow up people!

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

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Relationships have been:
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Reasons why every woman should masturbate

Have you ever wondered why we as women should masturbate (especially if you have a partner)?

I always wondered about this as my personal opinion and behaviour was "Why would I do this when he can do it for me?"

WRONG!

As I have said in the past and will say again,

"If your not having sex with you, how can you expect anyone else to want to have sex with you!"

So now its time to look at a bunch of reasons why YOU should masturbate and I will make it as plain and simple as I can.

You become more comfortable with your body

Here is the deal, the more you know your body the better you are at instructing your partner on where to go hunting for that sometimes mysterious spot that ends in an orgasm. Your pussy doesn't come with a manual just like a baby doesn't pop out with an instruction manual so ladies know where all your points of pleasure exist, instruct your partner and enjoy the increased new found bliss that comes with it.

Your future partner will commend you for it

Do you know how hard it is to navigate every different vagina? I bet you didn't. Its not like a guys anatomy. Ours is more complicated ladies with different sensations in different places for all of us. 

Its NOT a one size fits all concept where a partner learns one road map and it suits all women. So learn what makes you tick and talk talk talk about it!

It can drastically improve your sex life

When you know where to navigate and pass that information on, whether that is through subtle hints and tips or just a blunt "show an tell" session, trust me, there is no way your sex life can't instantly improve.

Great tension reliever

Stressed? Can't sleep? Simply...masturbate. Now depending on that stress level may depend on how many times you need to do this to 'take the edge off' however masturbation has always been a great stress relief. I mean think about, don't you occasionally say "Thank God" after you've experienced a Big O? I do!

Definitely helps with the zzzzz

Now I know that its not uncommon that when I have sex at night I can end up wide awake (statistically this is common within women), however when I am stressed out and go for a Big O I find that that release in tension (like I said above) helps me to visit la la land much faster.

Increases your happiness

How would you like to have a natural mood enhancer? Did you know that orgasms release a bunch of chemicals into your system like endorphins, oxytocin and our favourite...dopamine, which are all instant uplift mood enhancers?

So forget the hardcore gym workout and medical drugs and opt for a series of intense orgasms instead to lighten up your day.

There are toys to assist in the exploration process

I could list 20 reasons why you are not having sex or masturbating right now. One of them is you never experience orgasms during sex (and a biggy for 85% of women who don't orgasm with penetration sex). So why not instead of letting your fingers do the walking add a new playmate toy to search, discover and vibrate you into a new level playing field. Toys are also great for those who have cultural, religious or physical disabilities to experience a whole new level of pleasure without technically getting your hands dirty. I have never heard of a woman not being pleasured with the right toy so I dare you to try!

Amazingly relieves menstrual tension

Personally I've never been a big fan of having sex during 'that time of the month' however I have noticed that an orgasm has definitely alleviated the pain I experience at this time. When you orgasm you experience contractions increasing the blood flow and in-turn easing your cramps. Due to the mess factor I suggest finding your favourite toy and combining that with some special shower time to get the job done. Would you prefer a hot water bottle or an orgasm? Think about it.

Keeps your body sexual

So your in a sexual hiatus for some reason. With masturbating you are not only keeping the elasticity and tissues in your private parts working, you are also increasing the blood flow to that area. Sex for women happens in the brain as we all know and by masturbating we are keeping that part of our brain active (imaginary and sensory) so when we get to bringing in a new partner to the scenario its like no time has passed. Here is a tip: the more sex you have the more sex you want!

How would you like multiple orgasms

So some of you have never had one. Why not try multiple. Did you know that when you have your first orgasm its easy to back it up with another one within minutes? Again a lot of women only experience this the first time after a little toy play cause lets face it...our hands get tired!

 

Why not?

Thats right...why not. I know some of us have cultural and religious beliefs that get in the way of having sex before marriage however since when have they stated you can't orgasm before marriage? So let your fingers do the walking and hold clear a vision of your future partners expression when you know what does and doesn't work the first time you get naked between the sheets.

It feels bloody amazing

Did I mention is F'n fantastic! You can keep your walks in the park thank you. I'll take a mind blowing orgasm any day. Your head will feel light, even a little dizzy like, your breath will quicken, your cheeks will go naturally rosie and you'll feel simply amazing! 

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

10 Ways Sleeping without Clothes can Benefit You

1 Decreases Cortisol

Allowing your body to cool at night lowers cortisol levels. Cortisol can cause serious problems ranging from disrupted sleep cycles to serious weight gain.

2 Comfortable in Your Own Skin

We spend a lot of time trying to hide our imperfections. We dress our bodies in the "right" clothes to make us feel more secure about our bodies however, sleeping naked will make you fully aware of your body and therefore, you'll feel more comfortable with it.

3 Growth Hormones for a Healthier Body

Growth hormones are released when you sleep naked. This helps to: promote bone density, lowers your risks of diabetes and heart disease, repairs tissue, builds muscle, promotes a healthier body weight and stimulates the growth of internal organs as well as a healthier immune system.

4 Colder Temps = Youthful Life

Keeping the temperature around 70 degrees while sleeping helps the anti-aging hormones and melatonin to do their job. Sleeping naked will keep you slightly cooler and it could have a positive effect on your life overall.

5 Happier Together

If you sleep naked with your partner, that skin-on-skin contact will release some oxytocin. Oxytocin makes you happier, reduces social anxieties and helps with overall satisfaction.

6 Better Loving

In addition to being happier after this kind of sleep, you'll also be in the mood a lot more. The release of oxytocin will not only increases your sex drive but it could offer up better orgasms!

7 Healthier Lady Business

Ladies, yeast infections are a pretty real risk. Sleeping in constricting clothes increases yeast as it thrives in warmer, moist conditions but by giving some air, your lady parts will stay cool and dry.

8 Increases Reproductive Chances For Men

Gentlemen, sleeping in cooler conditions is good for your reproductive parts too. Keeping your testes cool will keep your sperm healthy and functioning better.

9 Less Laundry

This is a humorous reason to consider sleeping in the nude, but it's a pretty good point. You'll have one less set of clothes to wash each time once PJs are taken out of your regular equation.

10 Summer Sleep

Summertime can be unbearable, especially if you don't have a quality air conditioner. This can result in worse sleep because it's just too dang hot! Sleeping naked should help solve that, afterall, it's the one time of the day where you can be nude and no one can stop you.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au