7 Ways Sex Is Way More Awesome In My 50s Than It Was In My 20s

I know sex in my 40's is way better for soo many reasons that blogger Erica Jagger points out perfectly below. So for thos of you that think that when you get older it gets boring and you die, Wrong!!!

Sex in my 20s was a predictable combination plate. There were a few positions, a smattering of dirty talk, and little to no meaningful conversation about needs and fantasies. When I got married, the tepid sexual exploration my then-husband and I had enjoyed before the wedding devolved to a sputter that was finally extinguished two years ago when I divorced.

At 50, dating for the first time in over two decades, I ventured into a brave new world of sex that was kinda like sex in my 20s, only a zillion times better. It was -- and remains -- better because it's chock full of things I never experienced when I was younger. Things that I'd heard about but thought were slightly depraved. Things that that no partner appeared inclined to do.

But now, many of these things are de rigeur. I'm not sure when they entered the sexual mainstream, or if they were always there and I didn't know it. I'm not sure if I attract more adventurous partners or if people have just become more adventurous. And if people are more adventurous than they were a few decades earlier, why is that? Has the easy access to porn normalized sex acts and altered expectations? Has the virtual candy store of online dating enabled people who never would have met to sleep together, or just trade sexual proclivities by messaging back and forth?

Several months ago, when I was contacted by a woman on OkCupid, I realized just how different sex had become. She was a beautiful 35-year-old bisexual, and she wrote me a lovely, flattering message inquiring if I wanted to meet. I told her if I liked women, I would indeed, but being as hetero as they come, I was going to pass. Her stunned response? "I didn't think anyone was totally straight anymore." We messaged back and forth for awhile and I came up with this completely unscientific conclusion, but one which I swear by, the first on my list of the ways sex is different now that I'm in my 50s:

1. People are more comfortable with sexual fluidity.

When I was in college, I had a few gay friends. And I knew of some people who were rumored to be bisexual. But for the most part, it seemed that people were either gay or straight, and most of them were straight. There wasn't support for the coming-out process back then -- or for same-sex preferences at all -- so I imagine that declaring one's attraction to both genders was not something people were inclined to do unless they absolutely had to. But it's different now: people are more comfortable pursuing a sexual interest in a particular person, whether that's male, female, or transgender. It's part of developing one's sexual identity -- something that very few people allowed themselves to do in my earlier days.

2. Intimate grooming.

One of the first men who contacted me online was a 28-year-old. He had a MILF fantasy he was dying to indulge. We agreed to meet, and as we were figuring out the logistics, he asked me what type of intimate grooming I preferred: trimmed or completely bare. "That's a thing?" I asked. "I don't get it." He LOL'd and said everyone he knew took it all off. Since then, most of my sexual experiences have borne that out. Especially with younger men. No one I slept with in my youth -- and I mean no one -- shaved it all off, or even trimmed. I am actually surprised now, when I discover that a guy doesn't manscape. For both men and women, intimate grooming has become a regular grooming ritual. Another thing that has surprised me about men is what they bring to an encounter:

3. Lube.

I should clarify that I'm talking about straight men. Gay men have always had lube on hand. But before my re-emergence into the dating scene at 50, I never met a man who showed up on a date with lube -- which many older women need due to vaginal dryness. Part of this shift, I think, is that men collaborate more with the women they sleep with, instead of leaving a woman's needs and satisfaction totally up to her.

4. Better communication.

Whenever I read articles complaining about sexually self-centered men who don't seem to notice if their partners are unsatisfied, I wonder: who are these men? Because they're not like the men I date. I can think of only one all-about-him partner I've had since I've been divorced, whose only question begged an enthusiastic answer about the size of his manhood. The rest have been wonderful lovers, at least in terms of reciprocity. The "what do you like?" questions often start before the first date, and become more involved when the sexual relationship begins. Much of this conversation involves:

5. Dirty talk.

When I was younger, about the raciest thing I ever heard was "I love the way you taste." Now, everyone's a regular porn star, as far as dirty talk goes. Not only do guys talk dirty, but a lot of them also write dirty. It's exhilarating to get an email from a man describing just how your next sexual encounter is going to go down. I'm amazed by the amount of men who write dirty, and who write dirty well. And a lot of this dirty writing involves:

6. Kink.

Spanking, hair-pulling, binding wrists, crops, and paddles -- I never encountered any of these in my younger days. I think a lot of boomers have become kinkier as they've grown older, whereas a lot of younger folks start out kinky, or shortly thereafter. Again, I think the prevalence of porn and the sharing of information has made kink a part of the sexual conversation, a conversation that just didn't exist among the mainstream hetero population a few decades ago. Another thing I never encountered before is:

7. Sexy underwear on men.

In my younger days, all I ever saw were white Hanes briefs or loose-fitting boxers. Now, it's all low-rise microfiber briefs and trunks in primary colors. Once, when I was young, I was startled when a lover revealed tight blue briefs, but I chocked it up to the fact that he was European. In the past two years, however, I've grown accustomed to lovers who sport designer skivvies -- and I find it to be an incredible turn-on.

These are just some of the ways I've found sex to be different, and more rewarding, now that I'm older -- now that I've entered an age when I'm "supposed" to be too old to be interested in sex. I'd love to hear from you about what's different about sex in your 50s -- and beyond. What has surprised you? What is the most pleasurable? And what's left that you'd like to explore?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

5 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

I was reading an article by Matthew Hussey from Get the Guy, and loved his note about relationships.

“Many people say that if a relationship is right, it should be easy. Though it’s true that if your relationship is too much work it probably isn’t right, it doesn’t mean that a good relationship won’t require effort. The sad truth is that most people bring their best selves on day one to the stranger, and a much lazier more negative version on day 365 with the person they love.”

Wow! Hit the nail on the head. Lets look at just relationships themselves.

"We start off making an effort to be on the best behavior, care about what we look like, wear our best underwear and are willing to negotiate our time, emotions and experiences for that person."

Then comfortability sets in. We burp, fart, walk around in our sloppy Joe’s, lingerie and nice boxers becomes non-existent and the granny knickers and holy jocks come out along with the tracksuits, and our levels of tolerance decrease while our sarcasm increases.

That’s just the effects of routine. We haven’t even talked about what happens after kids!

So here goes with some quick tips to keep the passion in your relationship:

1. Dating

Since when is it ok to stop dating ever?

That’s right, never stop dating your partner. It is imperative to the health, wellbeing and longevity of your current relationship.

I can see you now rolling your eyes at the concept of date night. I’m not talking about the same night every week, eating at the same restaurant, having the same boring conversation.

Mix it up! Different days, different venues, different events. Try movies, dinner, day dates at a winery, special event venues in your city, go to the zoo or museum, theatre, comedy (highly recommend this one), night picnic on the beach, sporting event (you both like fellas), or even a night away at a hotel (guaranteed to spice it up).

For those with kids, you are not a bad parent for leaving them at home while you go out with the person YOU chose to be with for the rest of your life. By putting your relationship last on your list you are actually doing your entire family an injustice.

"By having a loving, intimate relationship in front of your children you are teaching them the best life skills for a future successful relationship"

(pssst…kids know when your faking it).

2. Grooming

This covers hair, face, how you dress and intimate body parts landscaping!

Ooohh I just felt another eye roll.

Oh my god, you want me to wax or shave during winter? Since when it is ok to let yourself go? Obviously we are happy to do this as a deterrent to make sure your partner doesn’t come near you, but if your reading this article I’m hoping you actually WANT some attention from your other half. Are you cool with going down there when the forest has come to town? No? Well why should they feel any different?

The benefit to taking some care in your appearance is it will boost YOUR self esteem and trust me, that new found confidence will snowball into every part of your life and wait ’til your see how your life changes for the better!

3. Kissing

200 times more powerful then morphine. That’s why it’s the drug of choice for women.

For those who have had a slowdown or full blown stop in their intimacy within their relationship, I recommend you try the 5 minute challenge taken on by so many of our customers recently.

For 5 minutes every day for a week, kiss, not peck, your partner passionately and watch how that libido that had taken a vacation is stirred like the underlying giant it is!

4. Be Selfless

Take a mental note of things your partner likes.

Everything from food, what you wear, how you do your hair, when they comment when you touch or kiss them a certain way, events they spark an interest in on TV, things they want to do, things they mention they like or their fantasies.

Ladies, it also doesn’t hurt to remind him of ways he can make you happy, as guys love roadmaps!

5. Special occasions

These deserve special experiences no matter how long you have been together.

Nothing is more of a relationship deflator when your birthday, anniversary or holidays come around and it is a non-event.

"We are not saying go out and splurge on something you can’t afford. One of the best gifts you can give your partner is simply your time!"

Go on a day trip to a place neither of you have been to before or go learn something new together. By doing something like this you not only get QUALITY time together but also you have just created a new point of connection and conversation. It doesn’t get any better then that.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au