6 Qualities That Make You a Love Magnet

Forget about ripped abs, bulging biceps, and a flat stomach, as well as a fat bank account, friends in high places, and your own private jet. These six personality traits power the pull of magnetic attraction. 

Written beautifully by Thomas G. Fiffer for The Good Men Project.

It’s nearing the end of the day and the weekend’s approaching. Are you getting ready to go home to your lover and making fun weekend plans? Or are you reading advice articles and wondering why, despite your hours at the gym and in those continuing ed classes, that special someone you desire so dearly to date—and perhaps move in with or marry—never seems to materialize? Some people choose a single life, and embracing solitude doesn’t mean staying solitary or feeling unfulfilled. But for those who are seeking—and not finding—the perfect partner of your dreams, the list below offers some surprises on what people truly find irresistible.

1. Consistency. Myth: Consistent people are dull and boring; they lack spontaneity and a sense of adventure. Consistency may be the hobgoblin of small minds, but it is the heart of successful relationships. Being consistent doesn’t rule out “Surprising your mate with an unexpected [whatever the magazine recommends].” You can be consistently surprising, consistently out of the box, consistently different. What being consistent does mean is showing up when you say you will. It means working steadily at projects until you finish. It means having values and principles and sticking to them, especially when they’re challenged. And it means maintaining healthy emotional and physical life habits. Consistent people know that being present in the same way every day beats the occasional grand gesture hands down every time. Consistency is … tempting.

2. Balance. Myth: All passionate lovers are emotionally unstable basket cases. Being balanced doesn’t mean you don’t possess strong passions—in the conference room or the bedroom—or that you dutifully list the pros and cons before your every move. Being balanced means you have a center and can navigate rough waters and roll with the surges. It means you don’t easily get upset or thrown off your game. It means you can understand and accept a person’s feelings while respectfully disagreeing. And it means you don’t internalize the anxiety of the people around you. Balanced people have their own thermometer that remains at body temperature when things around them start to bubble and boil. Balance is … hot.

3. Openness. Myth: Open people lack conviction and don’t know what they want. Being open doesn’t mean being willing to do anything or answering every question with, “whatever, you choose.” Being open means being open-minded, open to new experiences and experiments. Being open means listening before you decide or judge. Being open means joining your partner in an unpleasant emotion—frustration, disappointment, sadness—even if it is not your own and even if you are the cause. Being open also means never, ever being dismissive and always being open to discussion. Being open means being open-eyed and aware of your own issues. And being open means being generous and acting with an open heart and open hands. Openness is … alluring. 

4. Impulse control.  Myth: Impulsive people are the only ones who are free be themselves, generate excitement, and pursue their dreams. Having impulse control doesn’t mean suppressing your true nature, measuring out your life with coffee spoons, or never taking a risk or blowing the budget on something big. Having impulse control means not behaving in a self-destructive manner. It means not gossiping or indulging negativity. It means putting your best interest ahead of your self-interest—most of the time—and leaning towards your better nature. It means holding back even when you’re enraged and holding your tongue as well. It means not thinking from below the waist. And it means responding instead of reacting. Impulse control is … seductive.

5. Tenderness. Myth: Tender people are weak and oversensitive. Tenderness is not the opposite of strength but the foundation of strength, and sensitivity is a strong quality. Being tender means baring your heart, exposing your soft parts with a confident vulnerability. It means acting gently and with compassion, a stance that requires courage. It means humbly acknowledging your own frailty as you lend support to others, knowing they will lean on you and make you bend. It means not just drying tears and dusting someone off but affirming that it’s OK to cry. It means when someone is pushed and stumbles, you shout “man down” instead of “man up.” It means foreplay is an act in itself. Tenderness is … arousing.

6. Boundaries. Myth: Boundaries are those silly things you let go of when you fall in love. Boundaries are absolutely the most important thing you can bring to and maintain in every type of relationship and especially in intimate ones. Having boundaries eliminates confusion and lets you be clear when you communicate. Having boundaries means you don’t secretly resent what you allow. Having boundaries means you have self-respect, without which you’re not capable of respecting your partner. Having boundaries means you always know where you stand with each other and what happens if you cross the line. Having boundaries means understanding that healthy relationships are based on accommodation, not sacrifice. Having boundaries is … sexy.

Boost Your Bedroom Confidence

Self-esteem has just as big an impact inside the bedroom as it does outside of it, and just like everyone, we’re all subject to a crisis of confidence every now and then. When you find yourself feeling insecure about getting intimate – as can happen when we’re in a brand-new relationship or just feeling less than our best – remember these tips to get you feeling your finest and friskiest self again;

Honesty: The Best Policy

This isn’t some long, hard look in the mirror we’re suggesting here, but if you’re experiencing a bout of lowered sexual self-esteem, speak up and let your partner know before you’re in the middle of a sensual experience. This helps you avoid being pushed beyond your comfort zone, and will open the avenue of communication between you and your partner to talk through a solution to your sensual setback.

Love Thyself

Know what you want by giving yourself what you want. Especially when you’re with a new partner, there so much to learn about how they take their pleasure that it certainly makes things much easier for both of you if you know what you want and what gets you off.

So that being said, how do you figure out what kind of pleasure you like best? By masturbating, of course! If you’re a total newcomer, the perfect beginner’s sex toy is something unobtrusive and easy-to-use, making it perfect for getting better acquainted with yourself or for being introduced to your shared sensual experience with a partner.

Dare to Bare… or Don’t

Everyone’s got their best bits and the bits they can’t bear to show off, like a touch of cellulite here, a stretch mark there, or too much jiggle in a certain spot you’d rather hide, we say that if it makes you feel better, then by all means turn the lights off.
Not showing absolutely everything can truly help you feel as comfortable as possible, especially in the early days of a sexual relationship. And as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it’s an anxiety you get over quite quickly as you realize that what you see as a ‘flaw’, your partner sees as something that is irresistibly you.

Feel Sexy

Have you got a favorite pair of jeans that makes your butt look like WHOAH? What about a best dress that makes the most of all of your curves? Get yourself all gussied up in the duds you like the best, because feeling sexy yourself is going to make you want to get sexy with someone else.

Push yourself outside of your normal routine and change the scenery; try going on a date someplace completely new and removed from your usual social circles. Doing the same things with the same people all the time gets us stuck in a routine that comes saddled with its own expectations, so break free of that for a change, and go to a place where you and your partner don’t know anyone. Getting away from the usual places and faces you know will allow you both to try out more daring or adventurous aspects of your personalities you otherwise feel that you cannot, and you can dress as differently or provocatively as you want without raising eyebrows or inciting questions or comments about your ‘new look’.

Meet your partner for a drink in the bar of a 4 or 5 star hotel in your town and see where the night leads you both. Hotel bars are perfect for an anonymous ambiance due to their constantly changing clientele, and tend to be a little easier on the eyes than your local bar, making it the perfect venue for getting out of the ordinary and into your element.

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