6 Qualities That Make You a Love Magnet

Forget about ripped abs, bulging biceps, and a flat stomach, as well as a fat bank account, friends in high places, and your own private jet. These six personality traits power the pull of magnetic attraction. 

Written beautifully by Thomas G. Fiffer for The Good Men Project.

It’s nearing the end of the day and the weekend’s approaching. Are you getting ready to go home to your lover and making fun weekend plans? Or are you reading advice articles and wondering why, despite your hours at the gym and in those continuing ed classes, that special someone you desire so dearly to date—and perhaps move in with or marry—never seems to materialize? Some people choose a single life, and embracing solitude doesn’t mean staying solitary or feeling unfulfilled. But for those who are seeking—and not finding—the perfect partner of your dreams, the list below offers some surprises on what people truly find irresistible.

1. Consistency. Myth: Consistent people are dull and boring; they lack spontaneity and a sense of adventure. Consistency may be the hobgoblin of small minds, but it is the heart of successful relationships. Being consistent doesn’t rule out “Surprising your mate with an unexpected [whatever the magazine recommends].” You can be consistently surprising, consistently out of the box, consistently different. What being consistent does mean is showing up when you say you will. It means working steadily at projects until you finish. It means having values and principles and sticking to them, especially when they’re challenged. And it means maintaining healthy emotional and physical life habits. Consistent people know that being present in the same way every day beats the occasional grand gesture hands down every time. Consistency is … tempting.

2. Balance. Myth: All passionate lovers are emotionally unstable basket cases. Being balanced doesn’t mean you don’t possess strong passions—in the conference room or the bedroom—or that you dutifully list the pros and cons before your every move. Being balanced means you have a center and can navigate rough waters and roll with the surges. It means you don’t easily get upset or thrown off your game. It means you can understand and accept a person’s feelings while respectfully disagreeing. And it means you don’t internalize the anxiety of the people around you. Balanced people have their own thermometer that remains at body temperature when things around them start to bubble and boil. Balance is … hot.

3. Openness. Myth: Open people lack conviction and don’t know what they want. Being open doesn’t mean being willing to do anything or answering every question with, “whatever, you choose.” Being open means being open-minded, open to new experiences and experiments. Being open means listening before you decide or judge. Being open means joining your partner in an unpleasant emotion—frustration, disappointment, sadness—even if it is not your own and even if you are the cause. Being open also means never, ever being dismissive and always being open to discussion. Being open means being open-eyed and aware of your own issues. And being open means being generous and acting with an open heart and open hands. Openness is … alluring. 

4. Impulse control.  Myth: Impulsive people are the only ones who are free be themselves, generate excitement, and pursue their dreams. Having impulse control doesn’t mean suppressing your true nature, measuring out your life with coffee spoons, or never taking a risk or blowing the budget on something big. Having impulse control means not behaving in a self-destructive manner. It means not gossiping or indulging negativity. It means putting your best interest ahead of your self-interest—most of the time—and leaning towards your better nature. It means holding back even when you’re enraged and holding your tongue as well. It means not thinking from below the waist. And it means responding instead of reacting. Impulse control is … seductive.

5. Tenderness. Myth: Tender people are weak and oversensitive. Tenderness is not the opposite of strength but the foundation of strength, and sensitivity is a strong quality. Being tender means baring your heart, exposing your soft parts with a confident vulnerability. It means acting gently and with compassion, a stance that requires courage. It means humbly acknowledging your own frailty as you lend support to others, knowing they will lean on you and make you bend. It means not just drying tears and dusting someone off but affirming that it’s OK to cry. It means when someone is pushed and stumbles, you shout “man down” instead of “man up.” It means foreplay is an act in itself. Tenderness is … arousing.

6. Boundaries. Myth: Boundaries are those silly things you let go of when you fall in love. Boundaries are absolutely the most important thing you can bring to and maintain in every type of relationship and especially in intimate ones. Having boundaries eliminates confusion and lets you be clear when you communicate. Having boundaries means you don’t secretly resent what you allow. Having boundaries means you have self-respect, without which you’re not capable of respecting your partner. Having boundaries means you always know where you stand with each other and what happens if you cross the line. Having boundaries means understanding that healthy relationships are based on accommodation, not sacrifice. Having boundaries is … sexy.

Watch These Awesome Lesbian Women Teach Clueless Straight People About 'Real Sex'

 

What is your definition of Sex?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Touch me Please!

Written by Freya Watson

It was two in the morning and I was awake again, tossing and turning under the quilt with a restless yearning. My body had been used to being held, loved, stroked and pleasured, and it was suffering withdrawal symptoms.

I’d been separated—and celibate—for almost a year and was badly missing intimate physical contact. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I couldn’t find a massage therapist or a casual partner. I’d had plenty of massages, but none of them quite hit the spot. And casual partners weren’t exactly abundant at the time, for some reason. It wasn’t sex I was after, anyway—it was loving touch. The kind of touch a new lover naturally showers on their beloved in the early days of exploration and wonder.

I knew what I needed and was willing to ask, but finding it was another story. Luckily the dry period didn’t last long, though, and pretty soon my body was again feeling that happy glow that comes with being touched with love.

In the years since, when I take time off writing to see clients for healing, I’ve noticed how common it is to see people whose whole energy is begging, ‘touch me—please!’ Not that they’re necessarily aware of it, or looking for me to touch them. It’s just that they may not have had intimate contact with another person in years, and may have even forgotten how to allow themselves to be touched. Even if they’re in a relationship and sexually active, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are experiencing true intimacy and loving touch. Sex and intimacy don’t always go together. I wonder how many people go through adult life without being properly touched?

Our bodies are built for connection. Not just a casual hug or hand on the shoulder.

We’re built to thrive on love, and intimate touch is a natural physical manifestation of love. And by intimate touch I mean the kind that says ‘I’m right here, fully present with you, in this moment,’ rather than intimacy which is just about genital contact. It’s an intimacy which can be shared with anyone we love, not just sexual partners. Studies have shown that the cells in our bodies expand when they feel love and contract when they feel its opposite, and our ability to use our touch to transmit that energy to another is an innate gift which we all carry.

Modern society is moving further and further away from touch as a natural, integrated part of everyday life.

To fill the gap, we have created services that people buy and sell, but it’s not that same and we’re losing touch with our own natural ability to bring healing and pleasure to those close to us.

“Massage is needed in the world because love has disappeared. Once the very touch of lovers was enough. A mother touched the child, played with his body, and it was massage. The husband played with the body of his woman and it was massage; it was enough, more than enough. It was deep relaxation and part of love. But that has disappeared from the world. By and by we have forgotten where to touch, how to touch, how deep to touch. In fact touch is one of the most forgotten languages.” ~ Osho from ‘Hammer on the Rock’

Reawakening that ability for loving touch can be one of the simplest and most beautiful gifts to ourselves and our loved ones. At its most basic, just showing up and being willing to touch someone with the intention of bringing healing or love can be a comforting experience for another. And sometimes it’s as easy as that. We may shy away from placing soothing hands on an aching back or stroking a tense head, thinking drugs or a doctor are more efficient, or not wanting to spend the time. Surprisingly, though, it can be all that’s needed to shift a mood, lighten discomfort, or unlock a deeper emotional layer that’s ready to be cleared. More importantly, touch connects people and increases that sense of trust and love in the world in a way that doctors and drugs struggle to do.

In essence, reclaiming our ability to lovingly touch another—whether child, friend or lover—can be as straightforward as practicing the following four qualities. The more often we practice them, the deeper our touch can go.

Clear intention. Be clear about why you want to touch another and stay focused on that intention. Are you intending to create a sense of well-being? Or pleasure? Or comfort? Whatever it is, be clear in your mind about it before you start. As an experiment, ask a friend to close their eyes and try two variations of the same touch—stroke their arm once while thinking of your favorite movie and then a second time while intending that they feel your love. Then ask if they noticed any difference.

Love. It sounds simple to say ‘love the one you’re with’ but it’s not always that easy to access a feeling of love for someone at the drop of a hat. So find another way in to the energy—twiddle that internal dial until you find that feeling of love somewhere inside (try music, or the face of a lover, or the memory of a warm summer’s day). Use your mind or senses to find a catalyst that can bring you back to a deep feeling of love, then refocus the energy on the person you’re with.

Presence. You can’t hear what another’s body is trying to say to you if your mind is busy, so bring that mind fully into the moment! Focus on the sensation of touch, or on synchronizing your breathing with the person you’re touching, if you need to have something to keep the mind busy with. Being present brings a stillness, and intuition reaches us through that stillness.

Trust. Trust that you can bring a sense of well-being and love to another by touching them. Trust that somewhere deep inside, you know how and where to touch them. Then follow your instincts, get on with it and see where it leads you.

Feelings of pleasure and well-being aren’t just for the lucky one who’s being touched, either.

The beauty of feeling another opening under your touch and discovering the depths that can be hidden in the body brings with it a deeper connection to the mysteries of life as well as a sense of profound gratitude for this simple gift. So find a partner and get touching! Then teach your kids.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Smaller the average penis? No Problem!

It’s the age old question: Does size really matter? Dr. Emily Morse is here to answer your questions about what to do if your man isn’t so well endowed. It’s not as bad of a situation as you might think.

 

In short, penis size doesn’t have to be a pleasure deal-breaker – You can still have amazing sex with a partner whose penis length is less-than-average. Here are 3 tips to help you navigate this small situation and maximize pleasure for both parties!


1. Amp Up The Foreplay:

This is a tip for all men, regardless of what they’re packing down below, because guess what? The majority of women cannot orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Only about 20-30% of ladies consistently climax from plain old penis-and-vagina sex, meaning that less-endowed dudes have as much of a shot as any at providing their partners with multiple O’s.

This is his chance to make the most of the other tools he has at his disposal: his hands and his mouth. The more aroused you are before intercourse, the more likely you will be to have an orgasm. If he goes so far as to deliver you a couple orgasms before his penis even comes into play, then he will have one satisfied customer no matter what goes down in the main event.

2. Mind Your Positions:

There are two main types of orgasms women experience – the oh-so-elusive G-Spot orgasm and the more common clitoral orgasm. The clitoris is located outside of the vagina, (no penis necessary) and your G-Spot is nestled just a few inches inside, meaning you don’t really need a massive member to hit your sweet spots. It’s all about picking the best positions that makes optimal use of what he’s got.

Skip positions like missionary when you can, which aren’t as flattering for his size. Instead, opt for a woman-on-top position that puts the perfect amount of pressure on your clitoris and allows you to control depth and angle of penetration. Also, employ a grinding motion rather than a bounce in order to rub your pleasure points the right way. Another great option: the always popular doggie style! This position allows for some deep penetration, plus it will enable his penis to rub against your G-Spot.

Also, you can get the prime position for some intense penetration by bringing in some a few pillows to place under your womans hips which puts you at the perfect angle for some effort-free G-Spot stimulation and extra-deep intercourse.

3. Sex Toys for Two:

Bringing a sex toy into your lovemaking is great for multiple reasons. It’s kinky, it feels great and it takes a little pressure off your guy and his equipment. My personal favorite couples’ vibrator is the We-Vibe 4 – It’s a toy you can actually wear during intercourse, and is especially useful if your partner is lacking a little in the girth department.

The toy has two prongs, one of which inserts into your vagina while the other rests on top of your clitoris for two times the pleasure! The We-Vibe helps fill you up, making it a tighter fit for your partner, and provides a vibrating sensation that you both will enjoy. Now you can also enjoy it with the new App from anywhere pretty much on the globe!

In essence, there’s no reason to rule out a partner based on the size of their package. If they learn to master other bedroom skills, and are willing to work with what they’ve got, you can still have a very satisfying and orgasmic sex life. After all, it’s the lover, not the sex (or the sex organs, as the case may be), that give the pleasure.


www.loveandindulgence.com.au

7 Ways Sex Is Way More Awesome In My 50s Than It Was In My 20s

I know sex in my 40's is way better for soo many reasons that blogger Erica Jagger points out perfectly below. So for thos of you that think that when you get older it gets boring and you die, Wrong!!!

Sex in my 20s was a predictable combination plate. There were a few positions, a smattering of dirty talk, and little to no meaningful conversation about needs and fantasies. When I got married, the tepid sexual exploration my then-husband and I had enjoyed before the wedding devolved to a sputter that was finally extinguished two years ago when I divorced.

At 50, dating for the first time in over two decades, I ventured into a brave new world of sex that was kinda like sex in my 20s, only a zillion times better. It was -- and remains -- better because it's chock full of things I never experienced when I was younger. Things that I'd heard about but thought were slightly depraved. Things that that no partner appeared inclined to do.

But now, many of these things are de rigeur. I'm not sure when they entered the sexual mainstream, or if they were always there and I didn't know it. I'm not sure if I attract more adventurous partners or if people have just become more adventurous. And if people are more adventurous than they were a few decades earlier, why is that? Has the easy access to porn normalized sex acts and altered expectations? Has the virtual candy store of online dating enabled people who never would have met to sleep together, or just trade sexual proclivities by messaging back and forth?

Several months ago, when I was contacted by a woman on OkCupid, I realized just how different sex had become. She was a beautiful 35-year-old bisexual, and she wrote me a lovely, flattering message inquiring if I wanted to meet. I told her if I liked women, I would indeed, but being as hetero as they come, I was going to pass. Her stunned response? "I didn't think anyone was totally straight anymore." We messaged back and forth for awhile and I came up with this completely unscientific conclusion, but one which I swear by, the first on my list of the ways sex is different now that I'm in my 50s:

1. People are more comfortable with sexual fluidity.

When I was in college, I had a few gay friends. And I knew of some people who were rumored to be bisexual. But for the most part, it seemed that people were either gay or straight, and most of them were straight. There wasn't support for the coming-out process back then -- or for same-sex preferences at all -- so I imagine that declaring one's attraction to both genders was not something people were inclined to do unless they absolutely had to. But it's different now: people are more comfortable pursuing a sexual interest in a particular person, whether that's male, female, or transgender. It's part of developing one's sexual identity -- something that very few people allowed themselves to do in my earlier days.

2. Intimate grooming.

One of the first men who contacted me online was a 28-year-old. He had a MILF fantasy he was dying to indulge. We agreed to meet, and as we were figuring out the logistics, he asked me what type of intimate grooming I preferred: trimmed or completely bare. "That's a thing?" I asked. "I don't get it." He LOL'd and said everyone he knew took it all off. Since then, most of my sexual experiences have borne that out. Especially with younger men. No one I slept with in my youth -- and I mean no one -- shaved it all off, or even trimmed. I am actually surprised now, when I discover that a guy doesn't manscape. For both men and women, intimate grooming has become a regular grooming ritual. Another thing that has surprised me about men is what they bring to an encounter:

3. Lube.

I should clarify that I'm talking about straight men. Gay men have always had lube on hand. But before my re-emergence into the dating scene at 50, I never met a man who showed up on a date with lube -- which many older women need due to vaginal dryness. Part of this shift, I think, is that men collaborate more with the women they sleep with, instead of leaving a woman's needs and satisfaction totally up to her.

4. Better communication.

Whenever I read articles complaining about sexually self-centered men who don't seem to notice if their partners are unsatisfied, I wonder: who are these men? Because they're not like the men I date. I can think of only one all-about-him partner I've had since I've been divorced, whose only question begged an enthusiastic answer about the size of his manhood. The rest have been wonderful lovers, at least in terms of reciprocity. The "what do you like?" questions often start before the first date, and become more involved when the sexual relationship begins. Much of this conversation involves:

5. Dirty talk.

When I was younger, about the raciest thing I ever heard was "I love the way you taste." Now, everyone's a regular porn star, as far as dirty talk goes. Not only do guys talk dirty, but a lot of them also write dirty. It's exhilarating to get an email from a man describing just how your next sexual encounter is going to go down. I'm amazed by the amount of men who write dirty, and who write dirty well. And a lot of this dirty writing involves:

6. Kink.

Spanking, hair-pulling, binding wrists, crops, and paddles -- I never encountered any of these in my younger days. I think a lot of boomers have become kinkier as they've grown older, whereas a lot of younger folks start out kinky, or shortly thereafter. Again, I think the prevalence of porn and the sharing of information has made kink a part of the sexual conversation, a conversation that just didn't exist among the mainstream hetero population a few decades ago. Another thing I never encountered before is:

7. Sexy underwear on men.

In my younger days, all I ever saw were white Hanes briefs or loose-fitting boxers. Now, it's all low-rise microfiber briefs and trunks in primary colors. Once, when I was young, I was startled when a lover revealed tight blue briefs, but I chocked it up to the fact that he was European. In the past two years, however, I've grown accustomed to lovers who sport designer skivvies -- and I find it to be an incredible turn-on.

These are just some of the ways I've found sex to be different, and more rewarding, now that I'm older -- now that I've entered an age when I'm "supposed" to be too old to be interested in sex. I'd love to hear from you about what's different about sex in your 50s -- and beyond. What has surprised you? What is the most pleasurable? And what's left that you'd like to explore?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Qualities a woman wants in a man

Ok guys you are sitting there scratching your head wondering what in gods name a woman is actually looking for. We all hear women on screen talking about the "tall, dark and handsome" but is that REALLY what they want?

The answer is no.

Women in all honesty are simple buy have this habit of being so shady that men are left thinking we are difficult beings that will never be satisfied but in actual fact that's not correct at all.

Firstly you need to understand that women are reactive so whatever you bring into the relationship we will copy that behaviour. You shut down and stop communicating, we will stop communicating. You stop helping her around the house, she will stop doing things just for you. You lose your cool in an arguement, she will yell too...and so on. So everytime you want something think about what you are doing as she is your reflection.

What you bring to the relationship must be genuine and for the long term.

So here are the qualities:

Intelligence - this comes from being intelligent to have initiative to make plans, help out without being asked (noticing things that need to be done) and what I call mind f*cking her. Yes thats right, many women crave intellectual stimulation. Its super sexy!

Strength - now I'm not talking about muscles. I'm more talking about your coping mechanism. We need you to be our rock just like we need to be yours.

Direction - we need our man to have goals. Have a vision of what he wants in the future. This is imperative for our security. We actually want our man to have passion. To be a leader. We don't want a guy who is a dreamer, we need a man with reality and goals. It represents stability.

Presence - This is important. All to often people re not present. this is important for both parties to be present however commonly men are distracted by work, social pressure, sport and their own inner thoughts to not be present. We know when your not present. Just because you can repeat what we just said to you back to us doesn't mean you heard a word. So please be present.

Passion - Just as we want you to have direction we love when you are passionate about it. Be passionate about everything you do. It is a sexy quality but more a one that we find endearing and brings us closer to you.

Humour - please have a sense of humour! If you can't take the piss out of yourself whats the point. Having a sense of humour means you tend to be someone who smiles a lot, laughs a lot, has a better aspect on life and is fun.

Consistency - you need to understand that just being present isn't enough. We need you to be consistent in your actions, not just your words. Be consistent with the other above qualities also.

Most Women Think Love And Sex Should Go Together; Is It More Fulfilling Than A One-Night Stand?

Now I see articles every day argueing both sides of this topic.

Some studies suggests that people in committed, loving relationships are having more fun in the bedroom than just those who are having casual sex.

Others say that those having one nights stands have just as much fun to. How is that possible?
I mean, it makes sense that especially for women we get emotionally attached after sex. Ironic since its actually men that 'connect' through the sexual act itself.

Casual sex allows your inhibitions to fall away and people are more likely to experiment and try new things with a fling. This is normally not the case with a long term partner. Shame, fear and rejection come into play when you want to introduce trying something new to the bedroom regime, even if its only once. I hear this everyday when women want to introduce a new toy to the relationship and are not sure how to do it as they don't want their man to believe that they are being replaced.

One-night or even three-night stands, lets just say casual sex, allows you to quite frankly...not care! I have found that I try different things with different partners. It depends on my level of comfort with each and sometimes the mans own sexual experience or fantasies he expresses. It doesn't mean I try the same things with each guy I am with at all. From my own long term relationship experience  can say I never tried half the stuff I have in a casual situation.

However, in a long term relationship, the depth of the connection was different. Look, I can have an orgasm whether its within a serious relationship or a one night stand as I don't let my 'mind' get on the way. It comes down to the fact that 'loving sex' is different to sex and this tends to really (for a women) only occur when in the right relationship. Then sex becomes an expression of our love.

So in saying all that, what do you think now?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au