[Valid Atom 1.0] Love & Indulgence Blog: March 2015

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Why Husbands consider Cheating or up for the concept of a Mistress

Women stop having sex with them. Yes, the wives simply refuse to have sex!

I speak to men online all the time and I can tell the married ones and this is the no#1 complaint. It doest matter what the man does.
He tries to romance his wife, helps around the house, baths her in compliments and still...nothing, nada, a desert!
It's not uncommon that this happens after having children. Its like she's angry for now having exactly what she said she wanted...kids and his the one that pays the price of no sex to reproduce again till she's ready to do it all again. I say this as focus groups have shown that its not uncommon for the sex to go dry for a year till 18months on average!

For many woman they struggle with the new shape of their bodies. They don't think they are desirable or sexy anymore. WRONG! He wants you...he needs you...and most of all having sex is the most intimate act two people can do together. Simple intimacy is all he needs.

Quite frankly its unfair to remove the sex and expect him to stay faithful. 

Show some interest in his job and hobbies ladies.
After many conversations with escorts I have had my eyes completely opened on what happens with the hour that men have paid for. Many women look down at prostitution but ladies you have it all wrong. These woman should be thanked (I can hear you saying WTF right now but hang on a sec) as if it wasn't for them your marriage would actually be over!

Why do I say this, well I'll let you in on a little secret on the breakdown of this paid hour. The first 45 minutes is simply TALKING. Yes talking. He just wants to be heard.
The last 15 minutes is spent 80% of the time getting oral sex only.
In my workshops the biggest shock of the day is not touching a vibrator for the first time, its finding out the meaning of oral sex to men. Most women think its all about power. Wrong again! Don't get me wrong, at times this is the case but a blow job is just as personal for a guy as it is for a woman. It represents being needed and wanted.

Now ladies when you first met you had no issues in showing him this but why do you shy away from providing this form of intimacy in a long term relationship?
(Pssst now don;t forget in the past we have talked about how 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Him going down on you is perfect for this pleasure. If your not putting out how can you expect it in return. Fairs fair ladies).

The white picket fence
So you got the man with the status and career, the house, the baby and the money. Tick tick tick
So you got what you wanted so no need to have sex anymore. WRONG! To keep this you need to keep the one thing that he, as a man needs, INTIMACY which = SEX

So if your wanting to keep the fantasy 'happy home' you have dreamt of, either hold up your end of the bargain or understand when your man temporarily strays is all I can say.

Why we Cheat?

By Melina Macdonald

This is a question that people in all honesty ask themselves in the silence of their thoughts not out loud. Why? Because in actual fact the truth hurts.

It doesn’t really matter whether you are asking why other people are doing it or why you just did it; the fact is the truth is the most disturbing part of this dilemma and what actually seems to be becoming a more common occurrence in today’s busy society.

The gender is also irrelevant in this topic as quite simply both parties are doing I it as much as each other. Adult sites have been created just to help people do this very thing…cheat.

Both Victoria Milan and Ashley Madison websites, whose target market is married people looking for affairs, have conducted their own surveys to keep in touch with what their customer base wants and what their common traits are. The most amazing statistic to come out of these is that people are having affairs with people that they find to be less attractive then their spouses. Less! The common belief that we tend to ‘upgrade’ to a younger hotter version is also not entirely true with 30% of men and 50% of women having this as an important factor. However what is common is the same thing I believe to be true, the lovers seem to be better listeners and more passionate.

I have written other articles in the past about this very topic…cheating, and discussed the common occurrence that tends to happen in the brothels. The men spend the first 45 minutes just talking. They simply just want to be heard. The last 15 minutes is oral sex 80% of the time and more commonly these days is that the men want to be the one giving it!

So if passion and listening is the main reasons for people cheating then why can’t this be solved at home?

So I say lets look at the findings and pop a simple plan in place to alleviate the stresses.

1.     Take time to listen. Why not go for walks together and during this time both just listen to other person talk with no interruptions and no judgement. Walking is a great way to get fit and either shed those kilos’s to deal with that aesthetic reason too.

2.     Keep the passion alive. Why not surprise your partner by changing it up once in a while. To do this you need to think about a few factors so go look at yourself in the mirror. How do you hold yourself up? What are you wearing? Ditch the sloppy Joes because trust me, your partners lover is not dressing like this! Put effort into how you look and most importantly care about how you look. Note to both sexes: Buy some sexy underwear.

3.     Make time for sex. For those of you saying out loud right now “but I have kids”…shut up! This has to be the single biggest excuse for basically ‘procrastinating’ from having sex again (you know who you are). Yes things have changed in your home environment but we are not talking about a weekend shagging up session. We are talking about a job that can take minutes to (I’m going to suggest) 30 minutes of your schedule. Make chores a joint effort so kids are in bed by 8pm and off you go! Relationships are about making time, making things a priority and nurturing the one factor that brought the two of you together which was intimacy. It is the single most driving force within a relationship and if you think it isn’t then your perception of relationships is severely warped. People with no money, those that are severely overweight and those that have 10 kids still find time to be intimate (the other common arguments on why people break up or cheat). So if you want to keep your relationship healthy MAKE TIME now.

4.     Try something new. Relationships can get boring and monotonous. Starting a new hobby, changing routine every now and again or even roles within a household can stimulate change. This includes date nights and how you romance your partner. It can be a hit and miss but as long as you’re trying its great.

5.     You need to be more then just good friends. Lust is a driving force in a long-term successful relationship. Please note that when I say ‘successful’ I am not meaning how many years you have been together, I am meaning that you are both ‘in love’ with each other not just ‘love’ each other.

6.     Get out of your comfort zone together occasionally. Ditch the kids and go stay at a hotel. Its doesn’t have to be a dirty weekend. Just the element of doing something different is important enough.

My last piece of advice is Piss Off The Fear!

Fear of rejection is the NO#1 factor of relationship breakdowns. Fear to talk about how you feel, what you want, what you need, what your passions are, what your desires are and especially what your sexual fantasies are. This is why people cheat! The fear of approaching there loved one and being looked at as a freak, dirty, pervert etc. is why they turn elsewhere. So throw away the fear of rejection and stop living a lie as this in itself.

The STI Blame Game

By Melina Macdonald

Did you know that there is a higher chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STI) via Oral Sex then through good old-fashioned normal penetration sex?

If you are saying NO, which is typically over 80% you, I suggest you invest the next 7-minutes of your life getting a fast education about how to have safe oral and penetration sex (even those of you in a monogamous relationship), how to experience your fantasies of threesomes safely and understand that this should not be a scary topic! Lets also discover WHY figures are showing an annual increase in STI’s and that NONE OF US is out of harms way of catching one.

Modern technology has changed the face of our sexual relationships with some people utilising online platforms like Tinder and Scout to find a quick hook-up, use Ashley Madison to have an extra marital affair, or Redhotpie and Adult Matchmaker to satisfy sexual curiosities or find that perfect playmate for a night. The typical ‘monogamous’ or ‘no sex before marriage’ relationship has evolved just like how our family trees have evolved over time.

So when we look at all the different kinds of relationships we have today you would think that safe sex with condom usage would have increased over time for protection. Wrong! The Australian Bureau of Statistics reports show STI’s such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and HPV are annually on the steady increase.

Australian condom manufacturer Big Richard stated that research showed 53% of 16-24 year olds use protection and condom usage declines as people grow older. Now do remember that condom usage should be for STI protection not necessarily for pregnancy contraception. So lets look at why this is happening by discussing a simple sexual scenario.

Man meets woman. Woman gets her regular Pap smear and STI check-up and discovers she has a STI. Woman decides to advise sexual partner/s and suggest they get an STI test as to make sure they don’t pass this STI back and forth to each other.

Reactions options to STI conversation:
-       Obtain medication from doctor and move on.
-       Both start finger pointing accusing the other of cheating.
-       Treat the other like they are ‘unclean’.
-       Relationship instantly goes bust.

Reality is:
-       No-one honestly knows who did what or who had what or who spread it
-       Finger pointing isn’t solving anything
-       Treating or viewing someone as ‘dirty’ & ‘unclean’ is ridiculous
-       Most people have zero idea about STI’s as they prefer to have their heads in the sand about this topic
-       There is too much stigma around STI’s so it is not openly discussed

Its time to now have a frank conversation about why people just like you, yes you, do NOT use protection like condoms or oral dams in all their sexual encounters:
People look at someone and assume that they are:
-           Using protection or their other sexual partner’s are using protection
-           Honest & upstanding
and my favourite…
-           ‘Clean’
-       They are on the pill and believe this is enough protection (The pill is not a protection from an STI only pregnancy)
-       There is just no conversation or permission asking at all before he plays ‘bareback’ and just pokes it in!

Then we have the WHY he doesn’t want to wear one ‘bareback’ excuses:
- I can’t wait. Your sooo sexy and turn me. Lets just do it.
- I can’t cum with a condom on
- I can’t feel anything with a condom on
- I’m allergic to latex (this one can be genuine but there are non-latex condoms on the market)
- It will feel soo much better without one
- Don’t you trust me?
- I don’t have any on me
-  Ruins the mood
- Aren’t you on the pill?

FACT about STI’s:
-       Men are generally carriers
-       There are commonly NO symptoms. In fact most people that have STI’s are completely unaware
-       Some STI’s can lay dormant for months and years
-       People are uneducated or naive about sexual education
-       Some STI’s can cause irreplaceable damage such as chlamydia when undetected
-       They can be spread via sex toys that are not cleaned properly
-       Going from anal to vaginal sex spreads STI’s
-       You are not ‘unclean’ or ‘dirty’ because you have had one
-       Over 80% of sexually active people will experience one in their lifetime!
-       There is a higher chance of contracting a STI’s via oral sex. STI’s can be transmitted even when using a condom if you practice oral, anal or mouth to anal sex

There are 3 main STI risks in unprotected Oral Sex:
-       HPV (herpes simplex) 50-80% of adults have herpes virus 1 (also known as cold sores HSV-1) with more then half of the new genital herpes are being contracted this way. It is contracted through skin-to-skin contact NOT via bodily fluids and oral HPV affects 1 in 15 Americans as per studies done by The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health (The CSPH). It is the leading cause of oral and throat cancer more so then tobacco!
-       Gonorrhoea & Chlamydia are the most commonly transmitted via bodily fluids but are easily treated with antibiotics.
-       HIV is rare but can also be transmitted this way
-       Hepatitis and other bacterial infections can also be transmitted during mouth to anal play.
It is important to understand that most of these STI’s do NOT show symptoms (asymptomatic) or signs of the infection. Studies by CSPH showed that 82% of adults and 70% of adolescents do not use protective tools during oral sex such as condoms or oral dams.

Whether you are single or a couple all sexually active adults should be tested annually. Unfortunately most people never ask to be tested for oral STI’s as this is not part of the normal tests conducted. Even if you are using condom protection however you have had multiple partners you should always be getting regular STI check-ups every 3-6 months (depending on how frequently you have sex).

How to protect yourself from oral STI’s:
I understand that the idea of giving your man a headjob with a condom or your lady using an oral dam is weird or just plain yucky tasting but today there is some great products on the market that you can use as a flavour over these. They are not only safe to use (as it doesn’t break down the latex component of the condom) but is vegan and not harmful to your body (many flavoured lubricants unless organic are not recommended). 

Safety in a Threesome experience:
I want to touch on this topic quickly before I finish as this is a highly sort out sexual fantasy for many and they are not sure how to go about this safely. Recently I had someone who was talking to me about wanting to experience a threesome and hiring an escort was suggested to them. They couldn’t get their head around having an intimate experience with a prostitute. I advised that it is a highly advised option and that other then the escort making sure that this is a positive experience for all involved (this scenario can go pear shaped real fast), that if they are working as an escort or in a brothel they are a safer option in regards to STI’s (as they have monthly check-ups) then picking up some random in a bar.

This is YOUR vagina or YOUR penis and at NO time should you expect someone else to be responsibility for your sexual health.

The ONLY person responsible for your sexual health is YOU!

So stand up, make a doctors appointment, pee in a jar and from now on remember YOU are the only person who truly knows where your penis or vagina has been so ALWAYS slap on a condom and get regular tests and…

Stop pointing fingers and just grow up people!

Monday, 23 March 2015


NOW We-Vibe has brought out a SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION We-Vibe 4 couples toy not only with a hand-held remote & App but for only an extra $10 from the original price they are letting you have a satin white blindfold to help kick it up a notch making this a 'sensation' experience and adding a rechargeable Tango Bullet valued at $100 retail!

For those in the know, We-Vibe has won the Couple's No#1 Adult Toy for years!


Its innovation has brought with it the APP that allows couples to start foreplay before they are face to face!

Relationships have been:
RE-ENERGISED with the introduction of a COUPLE'S toy
SPICED UP using the different modes and vibration patterns
BROUGHT CLOSER TOGETHER removing the long distance factor with the use of the APP
RE-CONNECTED when you can be stimulated TOGETHER

So for those needing to:
* Upgrade
* Switch from singular person toys
* Want to Spice it up
* Need to connect with their partner
* Need to close the distance between you and your travelling partner
* Have a long Distance Relationship (great to use over phone or with Skype)
* Want to try something new