[Valid Atom 1.0] Love & Indulgence Blog: May 2014

Thursday, 22 May 2014

The Ultimate Professionals dating App LinkedUp

The dating world is so hard these days when you are a professional. Work tends to get in the way and many of us are over clubs and bars. But what would you say if there were a dating app strictly for professionals?

Well from me I say yippee and welcome!

LinkedIn has taken a note from the simplicity of Tinder and created a new dating app that targets professionals called LinkedUp.

Instead of using your Facebook profile like Tinder, LinkedUp uses your LinkedIn profile. This gives you the opportunity to connect through peoples social network with other professionals.

However, there seems to be some interesting opinions floating around so far about this app. One written by Rebecca Greenfield in a recent article said, “It sounds like a terrible way to find dates—not to mention a potential HR nightmare” and quotes it is a “mash up of Tinder meets LinkedIn for the dating APP of your nightmares”.

Hmmm, I can’t say she sounded impressed and I can’t say I agree with Rebecca’s sentiments.

I mean, unless you’ve been hiding under a rock the last few years, as soon as you apply for a job the recruiters are scanning social media to learn more about you prior to offering you an interview. What’s the difference between that and dating?

I know I want to check someone out first and I can tell you when someone is checking me out I prefer him or her to see the professional scrubbed version of me on LinkedIn then the casual Facebook profile.

I am a busy professional and at 40 years old I decided it was time for a career and life change. Opening an eCommerce adult store selling ‘Intimate Lifestyle Products’ to women, this new business was designed to help women my age to have a more fulfilling sexual relationship (while ironically not having one myself at the time). Go figure!

My last relationship was for 11yrs and after a lengthy hiatus it was time to get the courage to poke my head up and get back into the dating scene that quite frankly scared the shit out of me.

After prior testing of other dating sites such as Zoosk and eHarmony and bombing, I heard about Tinder and thought I would give it a go. It was not only my new ‘Social Experiment’ to blog about and test some dating theories; it was a great way to help me get back on the dating scene after nearly 3yrs! (Wow time flies).

Now, after spending nearly the last year testing online dating and relationship theories, helping people with their online profiles and, being a guest speaker at workshops working with women, couples and singles, I now feel I can comment on this topic comfortably.

I love this concept of a professionals dating app.


Different dating sites and apps cater for different people. Some expect you to give no info like Tinder, and some want a lot of information nearly down to the underwear your wearing such as eHarmony.

The comprehensive ones like eHarmony are focused on personality profile matching.  I believe they are really only directed at those who have tried everything else to find a suitable partner (or those who are extremely shy and introverted) and who’s focus is to get married and settle down to have a family.

In light of this, I wasn’t keen on eHarmony as I was not interested in getting married all over again just getting back on the horse!

I also found that the algorithms they use try to match you with someone just like you, which in my opinion is boring. I want someone to add to my life not to have the same likes/dislikes and agree with everything I say and do. In addition, I also believe that no matter what anyone says, that first impression of what someone aesthetically looks like is vital in the world of attraction and most profiles, unless paid for, have nil images on these sites.

Heads up people, if you aren’t attracted to the person your with it doesn’t get any better in the years to come. I had a marriage based on attraction and lust that lasted 11 years (and I am still attracted to him today). We lasted longer then the average of most relationships as per the ABS statistics of a median length of 8.8 years in 2010, so I rest my case on the attraction topic.


Zoosk online dating, and many like it, allows you to supply as much or little as you want about yourself.

The catch with all these dating sites is if someone likes you, regardless of how you feel, they can send you a message or love icon. However, with many of these free sites, to read these messages or to see a person’s picture, you actually have to pay a membership fee, which is a little cheeky.


Tinder changed all that. Completely free with an easy setup using your Facebook account, it not only brought in an element of trust, as you knew they were more then likely a real person, but you could connect via shared friends and interests. Until both parties swiped right and said they both liked each other NO form of contact was possible.

For a single woman this made me feel safer. If after contact you felt uncomfortable with the person you could instantly block contact.

Now LinkedIn has gone and made their own online dating app for professionals. As a professional myself I say hallelujah!

The founder, Max Fisher points out in his interview with The Guardian,  "The user has sense, in terms of comfort and understanding, of: where is that person from? What do they do? Where did they go to school? Which are some of the most important questions in dating rapport between two people in terms of the first interaction." This makes perfect sense to me.

I researched professional dating sites when I was doing this ‘Social Experiment’ and talked to people in my industry to learn more about what was out there. I mean, I was running blind, as I had been out of the dating scene for a bloody long time. Here is what else I found.


Match Making companies for Professionals like Elite Productions charge an annual fee of $5K. They are great in theory but for my money I didn’t like the fact that based on a one-on-one interview with one of their consultants they chose the guy for me and put us in contact. I don’t get to see any profile pictures of the fella I would go on a date with. Not a fan of blind dates and feeling like I was back on the non-paid membership of eHarmony, I decided against this avenue.

Then in a meeting of a mutual friend I was told about another really high-end top shelf professional dating service who’s fee is $25K. Holy wow! The funny part about this is finding out that the successful women using these services wanted to be matched with a successful ‘suit’. This is a white-collar man with a great job and finances to match.

Those men however, had no interest in their matching counterparts as they actually wanting a younger hot handbag to stroke their ego (which professional women don’t tend to be good at). The struggle this agency had was convincing these professional, independent women that the ‘Tradies’ were perfect men for them.

Women have forgotten how things have changed over time and these blue-collar workers are now in a better financial position then half these white collars. Work fewer hours and dote on their women. Apparently it takes months of convincing but when these women finally listen they are delighted with their Kinder Surprise.

So why are people thinking this new app LinkedUp is a horrible way to find dates?

My take is this is a smart way to connect.


Firstly, most couples that connect and have successful relationships meet through mutual friends. Yes, there are many that meet online but the odds are still against them. So why is this any different when you are meeting through a mutual social network?

Think about it, if your not looking for a bootie call but for a relationship, people seeing your pictures and your profile first help them to make better decisions on who to connect with. It’s a great idea.

It cuts through the bullshit and helps you to better determine if you are sexually attracted to them, whether you have anything in common and that they are a ‘real’ person not a scam.


The scams are the hot topic of the week thanks to the Chrissie and Jane report ‘Private Investigator Files’ on radio’s 101.1 FM. Apparently scam dating is a silent epidemic and again, as a single woman my safety of knowing how to track someone down if the shit hits the fan is important to me (and yes, I have come across some dodgy guys during this experiment).


Secondly, it is a smart business move and revenue earner by LinkedIn as this app is only available to those on the ‘Premium’ membership. So they make money indirectly for you using their app and you benefit by what the ‘Premium’ membership offers you on your profile. It’s a win/win!


Thirdly, LinkedUp has a much lower cost to meet other professionals then the $5-25K I mentioned earlier.

So if you’re a professional businesswoman who doesn’t have the time to go out and meet guys or just isn’t interested in the bar and club scene anymore, this app is for you.


Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Anal Sex 101

There are a lot of presuppositions and myths about anal sex: Men want it more. It’s not pleasurable for her. Everyone’s doing it apart from you. There’s no such thing as an anal orgasm. So on and so forth.
These sex myths are demonstrably untrue; all they do is expose the fact that people don’t talk about anal sex well enough, because it’s still relatively taboo in mainstream conversation.
But why should this be? As part of a loving relationship, or even as part of a brief and hot encounter, anal sex has a lot to offer. Not to mention, the relative taboo nature of anal is part of its appeal for many participants.
There are two tricky obstacles to overcome. First, how do you initiate it when you want it and second, how do you make anal sex more pleasurable and enjoyable?

Initiating Anal Sex: Her

When you decide you’re ready to receive anal sex, you need to be in control of it from start to finish. That means you need to make it obvious that you want it, because he might be too uncertain to initiate it without your express permission. The easiest way to tell him you want anal is, well, to tell him you want anal. Many men aren’t so good at picking up dropped hints or reading the subtlety of your body language, so telling him directly and explicitly that you want it is the only failsafe approach.
Note: telling him very explicitly that you want anal while you’re already having sex with him will have the best results. That’s like a golden ticket for most guys.
There are alternative ways to start anal sex, though. Texting or emailing him your desires will let him know your intentions long in advance, but this has two drawbacks: one, you may no longer be in the mood when it comes to it, and two, he might think that’s all you want, so he’ll focus on that and leave the rest of your body wanting.
A sexier approach to telling him you want anal sex is not to tell him, but to show him. Let him watch you play alone, perhaps with a small vibe or even a plug, and put it everywhere you want him. It’ll drive him crazy, and you’ll certainly get what you want, where you want it.

Initiating Anal Sex: Him

Does anal sex hurt? Yes, very often it does, even if it doesn’t hurt for long. But is anal sex pleasurable? Yes, potentially. But you need to approach it… sensitively.
If she hasn’t initiated it or made it obvious that she’s open to anal sex, or if you’re not 100% sure she’s given you the green light, then you need to make sure it’s ok before you try, otherwise it’ll be a while before you can try again.
So exactly as above, there are several options available: tell her directly during sex or foreplay, tell her beforehand via text or email, or show her what you want by paying her butt some extra attention during foreplay and gauging her reaction.
There is a slightly more adventurous way to initiate anal sex, providing you’re having sex already. Find a comfortable position – we suggest a kind of spooning position, with her laying on her side with her back to you, and you behind her. This position is good because it’s comfy, all of her bodyweight is supported and her muscles are relaxed. Then pull out of her and rub yourself against her butt. She’ll quickly acknowledge whether it’s ok or not without having to break the mood.
But remember, there are no shortcuts and nothing beats good, honest bedroom communication – and good dirty talk (the perfect vibe for this) does count as good communication.

Make Anal Sex More Pleasurable

While there are those rare times that, like stars aligning, the mood will strike both of you simultaneously and you’ll have the most incredible and satisfying anal sex imaginable, usually there is some preparation required.
Remember that if you’re receiving anal sex, you need to be in control of it, to whatever degree you want. You will need to control the speed and he will need to listen to you, otherwise it will be uncomfortable and it will stop. The opportunity might be lost until some trust can be rebuilt.
Here are three things to try to help make anal sex better.
  • Lube. You probably already know that lube or a high-quality intimate moisturizer is essential for anal sex. The more the better. Apply enough to squeeze a manatee through a letterbox, and then apply more. The more lube involved, the more pleasurable it will be for both of you. It’s as simple as that.
  • Condoms. Condoms are great for anal, and not only because they enhance your sexual safety. Condoms actually make anal sex better because their smoothness responds better to lube than skin does. Condoms glide easier, and as a result are more comfortable. What’s more, they can help prevent him climaxing too soon too.
  • Anal Sex Toys. Introducing some anal toys like a butt plug or vibrating prostate massager can help ease the transition into anal sex, and by using toys of increasing size during foreplay you’ll find it much easier when his turn comes. Then, try stimulating your clit with a small external vibrator while you’re having sex to double the intensity of the sensations and build up to a really fulfilling orgasm.
  • To sum up, the most important part of enjoying better anal sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, is talking. The most sensitive erogenous zone is between the ears, stimulate that one and the sex will always be mindblowing.
    So how about you? What tips do you have to make anal sex more enjoyable?
    Join us this week on Facebook for our series of anal toys for Her and Him