Now lets talk about Tinder and online dating

Written by Mel Macdonald
Now there are many different platforms with online dating from dating agencies, to online matchmaking to apps.

Recently there was an article about a girl who met a man via Tinder and was raped and another that died after falling off a balcony. Its amazing how it has put Tinder in a bad light however, I am here to tell you that after being on many online sites and apps I can honestly say, as a woman, Tinder is the safest method of free dating.

Over the last 12 months I have perused my fair share of dating sites and apps. Each and everyone of them has a slight difference, whether that be the 500 questions of eHarmony to determine your best suitor, to the apps that ask you nothing at all like Tinder. But my last 12hrs on dating app called SKOUT has taken the cake for complication, voyeurism and just plain ridiculousness!

I really felt like I was a pro at these sites. I now had the skills to know how to determine fake profiles, widdle out the creeps and determine who was really interested in just a hook-up or wanting a little more, till yesterday.

I mean lets be honest, dating sites really are nicknamed hook-up sites, but SKOUT takes online connections to a whole new level. I downloaded the app and finally worked out how to upload some images after scratching my head a little. This app is quite diverse in comparison to the simplicity of Tinder where all you do is swipe left or right.

This app allows you to peruse people’s profiles but has a ‘point system’ to access additional pictures that people have loaded above the initial five images. You can ‘buzz’, ‘favourite’, or send a ‘wink’. The Buzz is feed that looks like your Facebook homepage where people basically chat or upload images.

Gaining points allows you to view those that either ‘favourite’ or viewed your profile, access extra pictures in the background of people’s profiles, or send a wink bomb or ‘gift’ (which are a bunch of icons which seem stupid if you have emoji on your phone). Continual advertisements are played and by watching these you can gain these points.

It took me hours to get around the complicated app to work out just how to change the vicinity of my search for a suitor as I got messages from other countries which they call ‘Skout travel’.

While doing this I received nearly 200 hits with ‘winks’ and messages clogging up my phone. Quite frankly my phone was buzzing so much with messages I could have used it as my own personal vibrator!

I chose a few people to chat to and see what kind of guys were on here and holy cow did I get a run for my money. One dark skinned guy in particular who was extremely attractive started off the conversation and within a few questions we determined he was looking for a ‘f*ck buddy’ and that I was looking for someone who ‘didn’t want to marry me and have my babies’.

I queried why he only had 1 image on his profile and was promptly sent 3 really nice above board images then we exchanged a few more. He looked at mine and could see that a few were professional so he asked for a selfie to prove I was real. Ok then. Then it was the typical “do you live alone?” where I said “yes” but I don’t allow men over.

Next came the famous d*ck shot! He asked to hook up at mine. When I asked what was wrong with his place he said he had a flatmate and asked if I wanted a 3 some! My sarcasm escaped quoting “cant you do the job properly yourself”.

Now here is where it got interesting. Next came a picture of his flatmate then a picture of his c*ck! Woah!! Who is this guy? This is going pear shaped real fast!

What happens next is a first for me.  

A few hours later I had woken up as I was feeling ill and decided to peruse the long list of messages when he came online again trying to hook-up. Its 2am now and I explained I was not feeling well and in no mood for sex when the continued rejection from me prompted him to show me how he is sharing my images with his mates who are messaging me (including his flatmate) and that these boys like to share girls.

This silently disgusted me so I thought two can play this game and I told him my gay mate had a good ‘pull’ over their c*ck shots. That was it! These guys were convinced I was a Gay Guy hiding behind a Woman’s Profile! Wow!! So before I know it his flatmate has plastered on the ‘buzz feed’ that I am a Gay Fake Profile.

Now I know a lot of people bag the app Tinder but listen up ladies to why after one year of research on online sites hands down its my preferred dating app. It is private!

It the only site where you

·      Cannot be messaged until you both agree you like each other.

·      You never have to worry about creepy messages or creepy pictures being sent before you agree to chat.

·      You don’t have to put any information on your profile whatsoever. I

·      If you come across someone who is aggressive or crude you can block him or her immediately without having to report them and wait.

Tinder is the only dating site I have come across that is Private Private Private.

There is no buzz feeds to have rumours or images spread or your reputation ruined to an entire site.

Luckily for me I have thick skin and any images I send I have no issue who sees them or I wouldn’t send them. So boys, all I can say is thanks for the eye opener and enjoy the images for your spank bank, as not all women want to be part of a porn movie scenario. Especially the ones you rudely call…MILF’s.

The Ultimate Professionals dating App LinkedUp

The dating world is so hard these days when you are a professional. Work tends to get in the way and many of us are over clubs and bars. But what would you say if there were a dating app strictly for professionals?

Well from me I say yippee and welcome!

LinkedIn has taken a note from the simplicity of Tinder and created a new dating app that targets professionals called LinkedUp.

Instead of using your Facebook profile like Tinder, LinkedUp uses your LinkedIn profile. This gives you the opportunity to connect through peoples social network with other professionals.

However, there seems to be some interesting opinions floating around so far about this app. One written by Rebecca Greenfield in a recent article said, “It sounds like a terrible way to find dates—not to mention a potential HR nightmare” and quotes it is a “mash up of Tinder meets LinkedIn for the dating APP of your nightmares”.

Hmmm, I can’t say she sounded impressed and I can’t say I agree with Rebecca’s sentiments.

I mean, unless you’ve been hiding under a rock the last few years, as soon as you apply for a job the recruiters are scanning social media to learn more about you prior to offering you an interview. What’s the difference between that and dating?

I know I want to check someone out first and I can tell you when someone is checking me out I prefer him or her to see the professional scrubbed version of me on LinkedIn then the casual Facebook profile.

I am a busy professional and at 40 years old I decided it was time for a career and life change. Opening an eCommerce adult store selling ‘Intimate Lifestyle Products’ to women, this new business was designed to help women my age to have a more fulfilling sexual relationship (while ironically not having one myself at the time). Go figure!

My last relationship was for 11yrs and after a lengthy hiatus it was time to get the courage to poke my head up and get back into the dating scene that quite frankly scared the shit out of me.

After prior testing of other dating sites such as Zoosk and eHarmony and bombing, I heard about Tinder and thought I would give it a go. It was not only my new ‘Social Experiment’ to blog about and test some dating theories; it was a great way to help me get back on the dating scene after nearly 3yrs! (Wow time flies).

Now, after spending nearly the last year testing online dating and relationship theories, helping people with their online profiles and, being a guest speaker at workshops working with women, couples and singles, I now feel I can comment on this topic comfortably.

I love this concept of a professionals dating app.

ONLINE PROFILE MATCHING

Different dating sites and apps cater for different people. Some expect you to give no info like Tinder, and some want a lot of information nearly down to the underwear your wearing such as eHarmony.

The comprehensive ones like eHarmony are focused on personality profile matching.  I believe they are really only directed at those who have tried everything else to find a suitable partner (or those who are extremely shy and introverted) and who’s focus is to get married and settle down to have a family.

In light of this, I wasn’t keen on eHarmony as I was not interested in getting married all over again just getting back on the horse!

I also found that the algorithms they use try to match you with someone just like you, which in my opinion is boring. I want someone to add to my life not to have the same likes/dislikes and agree with everything I say and do. In addition, I also believe that no matter what anyone says, that first impression of what someone aesthetically looks like is vital in the world of attraction and most profiles, unless paid for, have nil images on these sites.

Heads up people, if you aren’t attracted to the person your with it doesn’t get any better in the years to come. I had a marriage based on attraction and lust that lasted 11 years (and I am still attracted to him today). We lasted longer then the average of most relationships as per the ABS statistics of a median length of 8.8 years in 2010, so I rest my case on the attraction topic.

ONLINE DATING

Zoosk online dating, and many like it, allows you to supply as much or little as you want about yourself.

The catch with all these dating sites is if someone likes you, regardless of how you feel, they can send you a message or love icon. However, with many of these free sites, to read these messages or to see a person’s picture, you actually have to pay a membership fee, which is a little cheeky.

DATING APP's

Tinder changed all that. Completely free with an easy setup using your Facebook account, it not only brought in an element of trust, as you knew they were more then likely a real person, but you could connect via shared friends and interests. Until both parties swiped right and said they both liked each other NO form of contact was possible.

For a single woman this made me feel safer. If after contact you felt uncomfortable with the person you could instantly block contact.

Now LinkedIn has gone and made their own online dating app for professionals. As a professional myself I say hallelujah!

The founder, Max Fisher points out in his interview with The Guardian,  "The user has sense, in terms of comfort and understanding, of: where is that person from? What do they do? Where did they go to school? Which are some of the most important questions in dating rapport between two people in terms of the first interaction." This makes perfect sense to me.

I researched professional dating sites when I was doing this ‘Social Experiment’ and talked to people in my industry to learn more about what was out there. I mean, I was running blind, as I had been out of the dating scene for a bloody long time. Here is what else I found.

MATCH MAKING FOR PROFESSIONALS

Match Making companies for Professionals like Elite Productions charge an annual fee of $5K. They are great in theory but for my money I didn’t like the fact that based on a one-on-one interview with one of their consultants they chose the guy for me and put us in contact. I don’t get to see any profile pictures of the fella I would go on a date with. Not a fan of blind dates and feeling like I was back on the non-paid membership of eHarmony, I decided against this avenue.

Then in a meeting of a mutual friend I was told about another really high-end top shelf professional dating service who’s fee is $25K. Holy wow! The funny part about this is finding out that the successful women using these services wanted to be matched with a successful ‘suit’. This is a white-collar man with a great job and finances to match.

Those men however, had no interest in their matching counterparts as they actually wanting a younger hot handbag to stroke their ego (which professional women don’t tend to be good at). The struggle this agency had was convincing these professional, independent women that the ‘Tradies’ were perfect men for them.

Women have forgotten how things have changed over time and these blue-collar workers are now in a better financial position then half these white collars. Work fewer hours and dote on their women. Apparently it takes months of convincing but when these women finally listen they are delighted with their Kinder Surprise.

So why are people thinking this new app LinkedUp is a horrible way to find dates?

My take is this is a smart way to connect.

1. MUTUAL FRIEND CONNECTION

Firstly, most couples that connect and have successful relationships meet through mutual friends. Yes, there are many that meet online but the odds are still against them. So why is this any different when you are meeting through a mutual social network?

Think about it, if your not looking for a bootie call but for a relationship, people seeing your pictures and your profile first help them to make better decisions on who to connect with. It’s a great idea.

It cuts through the bullshit and helps you to better determine if you are sexually attracted to them, whether you have anything in common and that they are a ‘real’ person not a scam.

ROMANCE SCAMS

The scams are the hot topic of the week thanks to the Chrissie and Jane report ‘Private Investigator Files’ on radio’s 101.1 FM. Apparently scam dating is a silent epidemic and again, as a single woman my safety of knowing how to track someone down if the shit hits the fan is important to me (and yes, I have come across some dodgy guys during this experiment).

2. WIN WIN

Secondly, it is a smart business move and revenue earner by LinkedIn as this app is only available to those on the ‘Premium’ membership. So they make money indirectly for you using their app and you benefit by what the ‘Premium’ membership offers you on your profile. It’s a win/win!

3. LOW COST

Thirdly, LinkedUp has a much lower cost to meet other professionals then the $5-25K I mentioned earlier.

So if you’re a professional businesswoman who doesn’t have the time to go out and meet guys or just isn’t interested in the bar and club scene anymore, this app is for you.