7 Ways Sex Is Way More Awesome In My 50s Than It Was In My 20s

I know sex in my 40's is way better for soo many reasons that blogger Erica Jagger points out perfectly below. So for thos of you that think that when you get older it gets boring and you die, Wrong!!!

Sex in my 20s was a predictable combination plate. There were a few positions, a smattering of dirty talk, and little to no meaningful conversation about needs and fantasies. When I got married, the tepid sexual exploration my then-husband and I had enjoyed before the wedding devolved to a sputter that was finally extinguished two years ago when I divorced.

At 50, dating for the first time in over two decades, I ventured into a brave new world of sex that was kinda like sex in my 20s, only a zillion times better. It was -- and remains -- better because it's chock full of things I never experienced when I was younger. Things that I'd heard about but thought were slightly depraved. Things that that no partner appeared inclined to do.

But now, many of these things are de rigeur. I'm not sure when they entered the sexual mainstream, or if they were always there and I didn't know it. I'm not sure if I attract more adventurous partners or if people have just become more adventurous. And if people are more adventurous than they were a few decades earlier, why is that? Has the easy access to porn normalized sex acts and altered expectations? Has the virtual candy store of online dating enabled people who never would have met to sleep together, or just trade sexual proclivities by messaging back and forth?

Several months ago, when I was contacted by a woman on OkCupid, I realized just how different sex had become. She was a beautiful 35-year-old bisexual, and she wrote me a lovely, flattering message inquiring if I wanted to meet. I told her if I liked women, I would indeed, but being as hetero as they come, I was going to pass. Her stunned response? "I didn't think anyone was totally straight anymore." We messaged back and forth for awhile and I came up with this completely unscientific conclusion, but one which I swear by, the first on my list of the ways sex is different now that I'm in my 50s:

1. People are more comfortable with sexual fluidity.

When I was in college, I had a few gay friends. And I knew of some people who were rumored to be bisexual. But for the most part, it seemed that people were either gay or straight, and most of them were straight. There wasn't support for the coming-out process back then -- or for same-sex preferences at all -- so I imagine that declaring one's attraction to both genders was not something people were inclined to do unless they absolutely had to. But it's different now: people are more comfortable pursuing a sexual interest in a particular person, whether that's male, female, or transgender. It's part of developing one's sexual identity -- something that very few people allowed themselves to do in my earlier days.

2. Intimate grooming.

One of the first men who contacted me online was a 28-year-old. He had a MILF fantasy he was dying to indulge. We agreed to meet, and as we were figuring out the logistics, he asked me what type of intimate grooming I preferred: trimmed or completely bare. "That's a thing?" I asked. "I don't get it." He LOL'd and said everyone he knew took it all off. Since then, most of my sexual experiences have borne that out. Especially with younger men. No one I slept with in my youth -- and I mean no one -- shaved it all off, or even trimmed. I am actually surprised now, when I discover that a guy doesn't manscape. For both men and women, intimate grooming has become a regular grooming ritual. Another thing that has surprised me about men is what they bring to an encounter:

3. Lube.

I should clarify that I'm talking about straight men. Gay men have always had lube on hand. But before my re-emergence into the dating scene at 50, I never met a man who showed up on a date with lube -- which many older women need due to vaginal dryness. Part of this shift, I think, is that men collaborate more with the women they sleep with, instead of leaving a woman's needs and satisfaction totally up to her.

4. Better communication.

Whenever I read articles complaining about sexually self-centered men who don't seem to notice if their partners are unsatisfied, I wonder: who are these men? Because they're not like the men I date. I can think of only one all-about-him partner I've had since I've been divorced, whose only question begged an enthusiastic answer about the size of his manhood. The rest have been wonderful lovers, at least in terms of reciprocity. The "what do you like?" questions often start before the first date, and become more involved when the sexual relationship begins. Much of this conversation involves:

5. Dirty talk.

When I was younger, about the raciest thing I ever heard was "I love the way you taste." Now, everyone's a regular porn star, as far as dirty talk goes. Not only do guys talk dirty, but a lot of them also write dirty. It's exhilarating to get an email from a man describing just how your next sexual encounter is going to go down. I'm amazed by the amount of men who write dirty, and who write dirty well. And a lot of this dirty writing involves:

6. Kink.

Spanking, hair-pulling, binding wrists, crops, and paddles -- I never encountered any of these in my younger days. I think a lot of boomers have become kinkier as they've grown older, whereas a lot of younger folks start out kinky, or shortly thereafter. Again, I think the prevalence of porn and the sharing of information has made kink a part of the sexual conversation, a conversation that just didn't exist among the mainstream hetero population a few decades ago. Another thing I never encountered before is:

7. Sexy underwear on men.

In my younger days, all I ever saw were white Hanes briefs or loose-fitting boxers. Now, it's all low-rise microfiber briefs and trunks in primary colors. Once, when I was young, I was startled when a lover revealed tight blue briefs, but I chocked it up to the fact that he was European. In the past two years, however, I've grown accustomed to lovers who sport designer skivvies -- and I find it to be an incredible turn-on.

These are just some of the ways I've found sex to be different, and more rewarding, now that I'm older -- now that I've entered an age when I'm "supposed" to be too old to be interested in sex. I'd love to hear from you about what's different about sex in your 50s -- and beyond. What has surprised you? What is the most pleasurable? And what's left that you'd like to explore?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Blended Orgasms – What, How and Why?

Written by Donna Turner

It’s no secret that when you mix two brilliant things, the result is often more than the sum of its parts. This is absolutely true of orgasms: a clitoral orgasm is brilliant; a G-spot orgasm is incredible. But combine the two and you have a recipe for a mind-blowing mixture of complex sensations.

What Is a Blended Orgasm?

While ‘blended orgasm’ might sound like some kind of orgasm smoothie (and I’ll be first in line when someone invents those), it is in fact a broad name for an orgasm that’s brought on by orgasmically stimulating more than one erogenous zone at the same time.

For example, people generally agree that there are two primary types of orgasm for women: the clitoral orgasm and the G-spot orgasm. There are of course many other more subtle and personal types of orgasm (and since everyone is a little different, you could reasonably argue that there are at least as many types of orgasm as there are women on the planet), but let’s not overcomplicate things for now.

The point is that a blended orgasm, which is a combination of clitoral and G-spot pleasure, is at least twice as intense as either of those orgasms by themselves.

How Do I Have a Blended Orgasm?

A blended orgasm is a more “advanced” kind of climax, because it requires you knowing your body (or your partner knowing your body) quite well.

It’s a strange thing to consider that even now, with all our medical and scientific expertise, there is still debate and confusion over female anatomy. Many women, for example, are unaware that their clitoris is not simply that little external bundle of nerves we know and love so much, but in fact has “legs” that extend around the vaginal opening and then inside the vagina (in fact, there was a paper published recently that argued that the clitoris and the G-spot are not distinct organs, but part of the same complex of tissue – in short, that the G-spot was the “back” of the clitoris).

At any rate, the point is that when you start paying attention to the entire clitoris rather than just the external part, while stimulating your G-spot at the same time, the result is likely to be a far more intense orgasm than you might be used to.

What Do I Need For A Blended Orgasm?

You don’t really need anything: if you have patience and some time, then your hands or those of your partner will provide good results.

That said, the most efficient way to reach a blended orgasm is by using toys. The more aroused you are, the better and easier it will be, so make sure you take lots of time building up, spoiling yourself, teasing yourself.

Then, when you start to feel yourself getting close, apply a powerful vibe to your clitoris 

NALONE CURVE and another, 

longer vibe to your G-spot LELO GIGI 2

Use lots of personal moisturizer too.

Find a rhythm, alternating between the pressure you’re applying to your clit and your G-spot, experimenting with slightly different angles and intensities. Try to apply the vibrations all over and around your clitoris, tracing its length inside yourself. Continue to tease and prolong the pleasure – the longer you delay your orgasm, the more intense it will be.

When the blended orgasm finally overwhelms you, you’ll notice the muscles contract all the way along the inside of your vagina; it’s this depth that gives the blended orgasm its intensity.

To Sum Up

Practice makes perfect, so the more you experiment and indulge your body with blended orgasms, the easier and more powerful they’ll become. Exercising your Kegels will also help to strengthen the muscles you use in this kind of orgasm, which in turn will intensify the sensations even more.

So good luck, and most importantly, have fun.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Anal Sex 101

There are a lot of presuppositions and myths about anal sex: Men want it more. It’s not pleasurable for her. Everyone’s doing it apart from you. There’s no such thing as an anal orgasm. So on and so forth.

These sex myths are demonstrably untrue; all they do is expose the fact that people don’t talk about anal sex well enough, because it’s still relatively taboo in mainstream conversation.

But why should this be? As part of a loving relationship, or even as part of a brief and hot encounter, anal sex has a lot to offer. Not to mention, the relative taboo nature of anal is part of its appeal for many participants.

There are two tricky obstacles to overcome. First, how do you initiate it when you want it and second, how do you make anal sex more pleasurable and enjoyable?

Initiating Anal Sex: Her

When you decide you’re ready to receive anal sex, you need to be in control of it from start to finish. That means you need to make it obvious that you want it, because he might be too uncertain to initiate it without your express permission. The easiest way to tell him you want anal is, well, to tell him you want anal. Many men aren’t so good at picking up dropped hints or reading the subtlety of your body language, so telling him directly and explicitly that you want it is the only failsafe approach.

Note: telling him very explicitly that you want anal while you’re already having sex with him will have the best results. That’s like a golden ticket for most guys.

There are alternative ways to start anal sex, though. Texting or emailing him your desires will let him know your intentions long in advance, but this has two drawbacks: one, you may no longer be in the mood when it comes to it, and two, he might think that’s all you want, so he’ll focus on that and leave the rest of your body wanting.

A sexier approach to telling him you want anal sex is not to tell him, but to show him. Let him watch you play alone, perhaps with a small vibe or even a plug, and put it everywhere you want him. It’ll drive him crazy, and you’ll certainly get what you want, where you want it.

Initiating Anal Sex: Him

Does anal sex hurt? Yes, very often it does, even if it doesn’t hurt for long. But is anal sex pleasurable? Yes, potentially. But you need to approach it… sensitively.

If she hasn’t initiated it or made it obvious that she’s open to anal sex, or if you’re not 100% sure she’s given you the green light, then you need to make sure it’s ok before you try, otherwise it’ll be a while before you can try again.

So exactly as above, there are several options available: tell her directly during sex or foreplay, tell her beforehand via text or email, or show her what you want by paying her butt some extra attention during foreplay and gauging her reaction.

There is a slightly more adventurous way to initiate anal sex, providing you’re having sex already. Find a comfortable position – we suggest a kind of spooning position, with her laying on her side with her back to you, and you behind her. This position is good because it’s comfy, all of her bodyweight is supported and her muscles are relaxed. Then pull out of her and rub yourself against her butt. She’ll quickly acknowledge whether it’s ok or not without having to break the mood.

But remember, there are no shortcuts and nothing beats good, honest bedroom communication – and good dirty talk (the perfect vibe for this) does count as good communication.

Make Anal Sex More Pleasurable

While there are those rare times that, like stars aligning, the mood will strike both of you simultaneously and you’ll have the most incredible and satisfying anal sex imaginable, usually there is some preparation required.

Remember that if you’re receiving anal sex, you need to be in control of it, to whatever degree you want. You will need to control the speed and he will need to listen to you, otherwise it will be uncomfortable and it will stop. The opportunity might be lost until some trust can be rebuilt.

Here are three things to try to help make anal sex better.

• Lube. You probably already know that lube or a high-quality intimate moisturizer is essential for anal sex. The more the better. Apply enough to squeeze a manatee through a letterbox, and then apply more. The more lube involved, the more pleasurable it will be for both of you. It’s as simple as that.

• Condoms. Condoms are great for anal, and not only because they enhance your sexual safety. Condoms actually make anal sex better because their smoothness responds better to lube than skin does. Condoms glide easier, and as a result are more comfortable. What’s more, they can help prevent him climaxing too soon too.
• Anal Sex Toys. Introducing some anal toys like a butt plug or vibrating prostate massager can help ease the transition into anal sex, and by using toys of increasing size during foreplay you’ll find it much easier when his turn comes. Then, try stimulating your clit with a small external vibrator while you’re having sex to double the intensity of the sensations and build up to a really fulfilling orgasm.
To sum up, the most important part of enjoying better anal sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, is talking. The most sensitive erogenous zone is between the ears, stimulate that one and the sex will always be mindblowing.
So how about you? What tips do you have to make anal sex more enjoyable?
Join us this week on Facebook for our series of anal toys for Her and Him


www.loveandindulgence.com.au