[Valid Atom 1.0] Love & Indulgence Blog: 18 thoughts all women secretly have about sex

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

18 thoughts all women secretly have about sex

Now I have had a huge giggle with this article at its art of bluntness!

I have however altered some of the information as I totally disagreed with the author from the Metro.
I mean, I have never met a woman that wants a guy to have pubic hair on his balls cause we think manscaped is pre-teen??!!

I mean, maybe the other way round....I know when I waxed the lot off myself both myself and my partner felt weird. Me a teenager and him a pedophile but NEVER have I said to a guy I don't care what your pubes are like. Its a "you'd better manscape asap if you want me to exploring buddy!"

There are some thoughts we have about sex that we can’t even voice to our best friends after half a bottle of wine, because well, they’re a bit awkward and we’re British and all that.

Here’s what we secretly think about doing the deed.

1. We want to have period sex. Heck, we’re horniest when we’re on our period, but we don’t want to ask you because we’re scared you’ll be so disgusted by the bloody scene you’ll flee and never return. (It actually helps us with the cramping other then those insane hormone spurts)

2. We find 69-ing too complicated and uncomfortable, and everyone involved basically has to have their whole face squashed – nose first – into private parts. (It's hard to concentrate on the job at hand  when we you lick & suck that perfect spot and we are in blissland. Sorry!)

3. Most of you press our clitoris like you’re trying really hard to pop a spot, or y’know, push it back inside our body. Turns out that’s not going to make a girl climax anytime soon. (Please fella's google!!)

4. Your balls smell. Sorry. (Hahahaha True!)

5. We can’t actually feel it when you come inside us. And actually? We can’t really tell if you’re wearing a condom or not. Surprise! (That depends on the guy and how he blows. With some you will feel it hit your back wall and it will tip you over the edge into another orgasm ladies!)

6. Whenever you go down on us it fills us with excitement, and then floods of anxiety about whether we smell or have pieces of loo roll stuck in every nook and cranny. (Soooo true! We also worry if we waxed enough)

7. The main reason we don’t want a threesome is because we don’t have anywhere near enough self-confidence to watch you get with another girl who we’re 107 per cent sure you’ll find more sexy/attractive/amazing than us. (The other thing you need to understand is the girl has to choose the girl fellas!)

8. When you suck on our nipples, there’s always a split second when we feel like we’re breastfeeding a man and it’s beyond creepy. (Some of us also can't feel a thing)

9. One of the worst things about sex is that awkward moment where one of you gets eye contact with the other during oral and everyone’s unsure about what facial expression to pull. (When that happens maybe we should just laugh at each other)

10. The fear of poo is greater than the fear of pain when it comes down to whether or not we’re game for anal sex. What if it just ends up EVERYWHERE? (Thats why a lot of women won't even explore your g-spot)

11. We really don’t care if you come before us, as long as you come back round to finish us off afterwards. In fact, sometimes we prefer it – otherwise we have to go straight back to work right after we’ve come. (Ummmmmm, I think this depends on whether you've cum in the first 5 minutes before we have even warmed up. Most guys are snoring, which is out of their control, within minutes of finishing soooo please concentrate on us a little more pre-sex so we can catch up and not be sexually frustrated)
12. We find the STOP EVERYTHING to put a condom on moment as awkward as you do, but guess what? We kinda don’t want a baby or a spot of herpes right now. Weird, eh? (Soooo true)

13. Unless we literally have to wade through a deep, dark forest, pubes mean nothing to us. Keep it long, keep it trimmed, do whatever – but have something there, otherwise you look a bit like a pre-teen and that’s not so OK. (NO NO NO! Please bloody manscape!!)

14. We like sex toys. They vibrate. You don’t. Don’t be intimidated. They won’t replace you, they just work as an added extra, like a side of fries or something. (Think of some toys as a assistant to make your life easier fellas)

15. There’s no point trying to have sex with us if there’s a pet in the room/we’re in our parents house/our family are staying over – we can’t concentrate and it feels like the world will be upset with us forevermore. (Ohh, be aware this applies to when we masturbate too)

16. We want to go on top more but we just can’t handle that sort of cardio. Nope. Not without trainers, Nike leggings and One Direction pumping in our ears at least. (So start off in another position then finish us off on top cause we can control our orgasm better on top)

17. We used to really like kissing sessions that lasted over an hour when we were teenagers. So if you ever wanted to bring that back, that’d be OK. (I had what I call "a 16 yr old make out session" a little while back. It was like the times before you popped your cherry. So much fun)

18. Those scenes in TV programmes where people sneak into storage cupboards and have sex fully dressed up against a wall? We want them. (yes yes yes! I dragged my partner into our walk-in closet when we had guests stay over and he said "it was the best sex we've had". Well hello! Of course it was as it was risque and spontaneous. Beds and bedrooms are boring!)

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