7 Secrets About Men's Sexual Needs and Desires

A lot of frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. I found this great article by Scott Alden straight from a mans mouth, explaining to us women what men really desire.

A lot of annoying and frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. Most of them are based on extremes and seem to come from a need to put something very complicated in simple terms. We're not just looking to get off (we can take care of that pretty easily ourselves). It's not just the thrill of conquest (we assume that when women sleep with us it's because they want to and not because they've been  defeated, right?). It's not just our biological imperative to make as many little versions of ourselves as possible before we die (most of us are actually trying not to knock you up).

So what the hell is it? What drives men toward sex and what does it mean to us when it happens?

In the spirit of promoting better understanding between the sexes, here are six deep dark secrets about how men really feel about sex.

1. We Don't Actually Want Sex All The Time

We just think we're supposed to want it all the time, and unfortunately, this seems to be what women think, too. It's extraordinarily difficult for a man to say no to guaranteed sex, not only because it's considered unmanly, but because women tend to assume that something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. Just like women, we only want sex...when we want it. The problem is that we're often terrible at knowing the difference between sex we want and sex we don't want until the awkward post-coital embrace. We really need to work on that one.

2. Sex = Validation

We're constantly racked with self doubt. We try to ignore it, we cover it up with obnoxious bravado, and occasionally, we actually try to work on the bad habits that are making us feel so lousy about ourselves. Mostly, we try to push away feelings of inadequacy because we're afraid we won't be attractive to women if we present as anything but totally confident. It sucks.

There is a moment, though, when the inner critic just has to shut his stupid little mouth and let the grownups talk. It's the moment of orgasm, followed by the collapse into a woman's arms. That's the best.

3. It Is About Power

The domination thing is no myth, but it's not a scary bad thing either. We want you lost in a raging, out-of-your-mind, forgetting-your-own-name, ocean of ecstasy. We want to you to completely lose control and we want to be the guy who took it from you. But, really, it's not about power 'cause everybody wins, right?

4. We're Distant Because We Care

Sexual prowess is the Holy Grail of manhood. More than success, more than athleticism, more than witty banter—if we're not killer in the sack, we've failed as men. And there's a lot of ways we can fail. It can be over too fast or it can take waaaay too long. We can be too rough or too gentle. We're afraid if we're too emotional you might assume we're head over heels in love with you, or worse yet, we might totally creep you out. Worst of all, there's the fear that we won't get you off.

While some women can orgasm from physical sensation alone, for many, it's a more complex equation. Something like: Physical Stimulation+Feeling of Safety+Feeling of Danger+Loss of Control+Power+Crossing Our Fingers and Hoping For The Best+We Have No Idea.

We want you to have a good time and we certainly don't want you to tell all your friends that we suck in bed. It can be a lot of pressure. So, sometimes we just pretend we don't care and sometimes the pretending becomes habitual. Really, though, deep down, we care a lot.

5. You Probably Know More About What Sex Means To Us Than We Do

Men don't usually get the opportunity to observe themselves during the physical act of love. Women, on the hand get a first-hand POV of what we're like when we're doing it. If you really want to know what sex means to us, try to let go of your assumptions and just pay attention, because....

6. We're All Actually Pretty Different

This is the biggest secret of all, because it's not actually a secret. Everyone already knows that there's no fail-safe formula for understanding men. If you want to understand a man sexually, you have to have actual sex with him. Lots and lots of times. Unfortunately, it's the only way.

7. Oral sex is important

This is my personal rid-bit to this article that I discuss during training sessions. For those of you that didn't know, receiving fellatio is not about power. At times it can be, but usually it is about feeling 'wanted and needed'. This is a very personal sexual actual, just like it is to you ladies when men try and go south (women have stated they find receiving head more personal then sex itself). So when it is done for men, especially when they can see you 'want' to do and even better when you look like you are 'enjoying it', men feel closer to their partners. So next time you think about how to show gents you are really into them and want them...remember its that simple.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Boost Your Bedroom Confidence

Self-esteem has just as big an impact inside the bedroom as it does outside of it, and just like everyone, we’re all subject to a crisis of confidence every now and then. When you find yourself feeling insecure about getting intimate – as can happen when we’re in a brand-new relationship or just feeling less than our best – remember these tips to get you feeling your finest and friskiest self again;

Honesty: The Best Policy

This isn’t some long, hard look in the mirror we’re suggesting here, but if you’re experiencing a bout of lowered sexual self-esteem, speak up and let your partner know before you’re in the middle of a sensual experience. This helps you avoid being pushed beyond your comfort zone, and will open the avenue of communication between you and your partner to talk through a solution to your sensual setback.

Love Thyself

Know what you want by giving yourself what you want. Especially when you’re with a new partner, there so much to learn about how they take their pleasure that it certainly makes things much easier for both of you if you know what you want and what gets you off.

So that being said, how do you figure out what kind of pleasure you like best? By masturbating, of course! If you’re a total newcomer, the perfect beginner’s sex toy is something unobtrusive and easy-to-use, making it perfect for getting better acquainted with yourself or for being introduced to your shared sensual experience with a partner.

Dare to Bare… or Don’t

Everyone’s got their best bits and the bits they can’t bear to show off, like a touch of cellulite here, a stretch mark there, or too much jiggle in a certain spot you’d rather hide, we say that if it makes you feel better, then by all means turn the lights off.
Not showing absolutely everything can truly help you feel as comfortable as possible, especially in the early days of a sexual relationship. And as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it’s an anxiety you get over quite quickly as you realize that what you see as a ‘flaw’, your partner sees as something that is irresistibly you.

Feel Sexy

Have you got a favorite pair of jeans that makes your butt look like WHOAH? What about a best dress that makes the most of all of your curves? Get yourself all gussied up in the duds you like the best, because feeling sexy yourself is going to make you want to get sexy with someone else.

Push yourself outside of your normal routine and change the scenery; try going on a date someplace completely new and removed from your usual social circles. Doing the same things with the same people all the time gets us stuck in a routine that comes saddled with its own expectations, so break free of that for a change, and go to a place where you and your partner don’t know anyone. Getting away from the usual places and faces you know will allow you both to try out more daring or adventurous aspects of your personalities you otherwise feel that you cannot, and you can dress as differently or provocatively as you want without raising eyebrows or inciting questions or comments about your ‘new look’.

Meet your partner for a drink in the bar of a 4 or 5 star hotel in your town and see where the night leads you both. Hotel bars are perfect for an anonymous ambiance due to their constantly changing clientele, and tend to be a little easier on the eyes than your local bar, making it the perfect venue for getting out of the ordinary and into your element.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

20 Things I Learned On My Adult Sex Ed Journey

By The Redhead Bedhead, June 25, 2014

Takeaway:Join us as one sex educator shares 20 tips for a better sex life.

Source: Demoniquedraws/Dreamstime.com

One day, back when I was newly divorced, I set out on a mission to have a happy, healthy, satisfying sex life. I headed into my local Good Vibrations to pick up a new bottle of the same lube I had been buying since 2002. As I went to pay, the sales associate informed me that this particular lubricant contained parabens and showed me some different options. I discovered a new favorite lube that day (yay for Please Cream!!) and was excited to have learned something as well. 

A few weeks later, I went back and picked out a vibrator. This time the sales person explained that because this particular vibrator was porous, I might want to consider covering it with a condom when I used it. I had never heard of using a condom with a sex toy and I wanted to learn more. 

 BIG RICHARD CONDOMS

I started hanging out at Good Vibrations a lot. I realized that in order to fully embrace my new, happy, healthy sex life, I needed education; I knew that my fears of the unknown were holding me back. I also decided to start a website where I would share the things I learned as I learned them, both to keep myself accountable and to offer helpful information to others. I started reading, attending classes, writing and ... experimenting. And so, The Redhead Bedhead was born.

Today I offer you a list of 20 things I have learned in my own personal adult sex ed journey as a writer, an educator and a student. Enjoy!

What’s In My Lube?

Lube was the very first thing I learned about at Good Vibrations, and it is now a topic I talk about regularly. I can give you a run-down of water-based, silicone, hybrid and oil-based lubes, with all their pros and cons. I can tell you my favorite brands and formulas along with detailed explanations for why I love them so much. But the most important (and first) thing I learned, was that there’s some stuff I just don’t want in my lube! Generally, I tell folks to steer clear of parabens, glycerin, and propylene glycol.

Never Fear the STI Talk

I know it can be tricky sometimes, but the STI status conversation doesn’t have to be awkward. Thank you Reid Mihalko for the safer sex elevator speech. I use this all the time (in both teaching and dating!) and it is wonderfully effective.

Don’t Play Around With Toy Materials

As surprised as I was when the folks at Good Vibrations advised me to put a condom on a porous toy, it was nothing compared to how I felt when I learned about the potential for toxic materials in sex toys. Now that I know my materials inside and out, I'm a fan of silicone, ABS plastic, glass, steel, ceramic and wood. 

Never Settle for Bad Condoms Again

For years, I had always just used the least obtrusive and most convenient condom I could find at CVS but recently, I’ve learned about polyisoprene condoms, polyurethane condoms, FC2 condoms (aka "female condoms") and more. I’ve tried various sizes and shapes and all sorts of options, and so can you. There’s no reason to settle folks - find something you enjoy using.

Use Your Nose

When shopping for a vibrator, test the vibration strength against the tip of your nose - you’ll get a much better idea of how the toy feels than you will when holding it in your hand. 

Pronouns Matter

I'll be honest, two years ago it didn’t occur to me to ask people which pronoun they prefer to be referenced by. But over the years, as I became more educated and aware, I realised that not asking about pronouns is sort of like not asking someone their name. The pronouns people go by can be extremely important to their identity and sense of self. Finding out whether the person goes by "he," "she," or "they" is essential to showing respect for them as a person - in both writing and conversation.

Bag It

If you are struggling to get a dildo into your harness, a plastic bag can save the day!

There’s No Such Thing as a "Loose Woman"

I grew up believing that a woman who hasn’t had penetrative sex has a "tight" vagina and that the more times she is penetrated, the looser that vagina becomes. This (untrue and shame-inducing) concept makes the body seem like cheaply-made clothing that can't retain elasticity after being stretched. In truth, our bodies are much more flexible than that. As I learned more about anatomy I came to understand that you cannot, in fact, sex yourself loose.

How to Put a Finger on the Right Toy

To figure out the right toy size for you, think about how many fingers you can accommodate comfortably in the orifice in which you intend to use the toy. When shopping around, you can hold up your fingers to the toy, to compare. 

Nothing's Hotter than Saying "Yes" - and Meaning It

Are you one of those people who thinks that pursuing consent throughout an encounter sounds clinical and un-fun? I was too. Then I learned that dirty talk and consent work beautifully together. Because what’s better: a partner who’s not saying no or a partner who’s saying "hell yeah!"?

Women Need Clitoral and G-Spot Stimulation ... Unless That’s Not What They Need

About a month after I started my site, I took a class on female orgasm taught by Reid Mihalko and we talked about the clitoris and the G-spot. I shyly raised my hand and said "I think my orgasms come from somewhere else." Reid handed me a stuffed vulva to illustrate with and then explained the perineal sponge. It was the first time I felt like I understood my orgasms and didn't feel weird about not knowing where they came from. Moral of the story? All bodies are different, so if it’s feeling good, go with it! 

LUBE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER

I used to think lube was something I needed because my body wasn’t working right. In theory, vaginas are self-lubricating - but in practice, anything from temperature to stress to diet can affect the delicate eco-system of the vagina. Another thing that can benefit from lube is ass play - butts need lube! They just do! Are you playing with a toy? Lube might make that nicer. Stroking your own penis? Lube will certainly feel good there. Seriously folks, unless your particular sexual situation is already super-slippery (and if it is, that’s normal too) lube is a must!

Yes, I DO Need Three Different Lubes By My Bed

Two years ago I thought I was being all fancy, heading to Good Vibes to buy the one lube I knew about. Now I keep three separate kinds next to my bed (we won’t talk about the ones in the drawers). Why three different ones? Well, they're all a bit different. I LOVE a creamy hybrid: it feels fantastic, wipes right off and is safe on my toys. For use with condoms and anal play I like to keep a silicone around (if it’s going to be a long night I might put down a silicone base first). Finally, I keep a thick, water-based gel nearby for the times that I want a little extra cushioning; it’s super comfy. 

Silicone Lube May be the Most Useful Thing in My House

(Last time I mention lube, I promise) Multi-use products are great and silicone lube is a work horse! It’s fabulous for sex, of course, but it can also be used to style your hair, unstick a lock, keep your thighs from chafing ... the list goes on. Check out this video I made with educatorKate McCombs for more uses.

The Cervix Has a Mind of Its Own

Did you know that your cervix moves around during your menstrual cycle? It is high, moist and open at some points and low, closed and dry at others. No wonder there are nights when it seems to get bumped no matter what you do, right? 

IUDs Rock ... For a Couple of Reasons

I’ve long loved IUDs. They are super-effective as a set-it-and-forget-it type birth control. But then I learned that they can also be used as emergency contraception (EC) and, what’s more, that they are the most effective EC there is (and the only EC that protects against possible future pregnancies). 

Which End Is Up?

Condoms became so much simpler after Megan Andelloux taught me a simple trick for making sure the condom isn’t upside down: Take your condom out and put it on the tip of your finger - What kind of hat does it look like? If it looks like the kind of beanie you’d wear when it’s cold out (if the bottom end rolls down and in), then it’s facing the wrong way. If it looks like a sombrero (with the bottom rolling out and up), then it’s time to party! Olé!

HPV Is Not Permanent

In 90% of cases the body clears HPV infection on its own.

Adults NEED Sex Ed

Almost as soon as I created my site I began getting messages from folks I hadn’t talked to in years. They were thrilled to have someone in their lives they could ask about the sex-related stuff that had them worried. People are starved for this information. This is why the Academy of Sex Education, a collective with branches in New York, Los Angeles and Portland is so exciting. With the simple goal of bringing sex ed to grown ups, the Academy is getting information to the people who need it. 

I’M NOT BROKEN.... and Neither Are You

Before I started my quest for a happier, healthier sex life, I would often suspect that something was wrong with me when I didn't understand something sexually, or desired things I thought were weird. Whenever I experienced anything that wasn’t quite like what I read or saw in the media, I felt confused, and sometimes even broken. Now that I’m doing the teaching, I meet other people who feel the same way I used to. But through better sex education, we can all grow to understand our bodies and desires and appreciate one another for our differences. The truth is, none of us is broken. I promise.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

7 Safe, Sizzling Sex Positions for Pregnant Women

By CJ Edwards, July 5, 2013

Takeaway:Get sexy by getting comfortable. These seven hot positions are a great way to get it on with a bun in the oven.

Source: Elitravo

Pregnancy is one of the most hormonal times in a woman's life. You're up, down, happy, sad, and ... horny? Yup, you read that right! Many women experience a nice big spike in their sex drives when they're pregnant. Unfortunately, many women and their partners shy away from sex during pregnancy out of fear, or just because they aren't sure how to work with that big, round belly.

So, what's a girl to do when she's hornier than a Viking's helmet with a bun in the oven? First, she's got to realize that there are a number of myths surrounding sex during pregnancy, many of which aren't true. Let's take a look at a couple of the most common ones.

Having an orgasm during pregnancy can stimulate pre-term labor. 

When a woman has an orgasm, her uterus contracts and a hormone called oxytocin, the hormone responsible for triggering labor contractions, is also released. Because of this, it's no surprise that many people believe that having an orgasm can trigger pre-term labor, or even a miscarriage. Thankfully, this isn't the case in healthy pregnancies. In fact, because of the increased blood flow in the pelvic region you may even experience better orgasms than ever before. Don't pass this up! 

A man's penis can poke the baby's head.

Um, no. While he'd probably like to believe that his monstrous member is large enough to reach all the way into your uterus, this is an anatomical impossibility. First of all, while he may bump into your cervix from time to time, the cervix is anywhere from 2.5 to 4.5 centimeters thick. Baby is also protected on all sides by water and amniotic fluid. 

Sperm can reach the fetus.

During a healthy pregnancy, the cervix is sealed by a mucus plug, so there's no way that ejaculate can enter the uterus. In most cases, this plug stays in place until the pregnancy reaches full term and the early stages of labor begin. Even after you lose the mucus plug, it's still usually considered safe to have sex, since the fetus is still surrounded by the amniotic sac. 

Sex during pregnancy can hurt the mother or the baby. 

Sex during all stages of pregnancy is usually safe and rather enjoyable for most women. In fact, unless your doctor advises against it, there's absolutely no reason why you can't have sex when pregnant. Just don't try to get too tricky; the baby's well protected, but a pregnant body is often less nimble and more susceptible to injury. 

As the baby bump grows, however, traditional sex positions can become somewhat uncomfortable for the mother or even dangerous for the fetus. The top sex positions when pregnant are usually the ones that minimize stress on the woman's abdomen, which can help prevent injury and discomfort. The following sex positions have been considered to be the safest and most comfortable sex positions by expecting mothers and doctors alike. 

Any and All (Gentle) Woman on Top Positions

By positioning themselves on top, women can eliminate any pressure on the baby belly. Not only is this much more comfortable for you, but it's also considered to be a little safer for your baby. As an added bonus, most woman-on-top positions give women more control and easier access to the clitoris. The cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions are the most common woman-on-top positions, but the rocking horse and yogi positions are also great. 

Spooning

The spooning position requires that both partners lie on their sides, with the man's chest against the woman's back. This way your partner can thrust into you from behind and massage your clitoris with his fingers or a vibrator. Although this position takes the pressure off of your belly, you may want to stash a few pillows under it for extra support. 

Doggy Style

Doggy style is one of the most popular sex positions during pregnancy for a number of reasons. First of all, when in a doggy style position, there's no pressure on your belly. Also, the angle of penetration is better for stimulating the G-spot, and also allows access to the clitoris. However, once your baby belly starts getting bigger, you may find that the weight of your little one hanging down can be a bit much in this position. As an alternative, you can try the leapfrog position, which requires you to support yourself with your forearms on the bed. This will take the weight off your back and enable you to place a few pillows under your belly. 

The Cross

The cross sex position is great for pregnant women and their partners because it requires very little effort. To get into this position, have your man lie on his side. You can then lie on your back perpendicular to him, with your legs draped over his waist. Keep in mind, though, that if you have a very large belly, you shouldn't stay in this position for too long, as it can interfere with the flow of blood and nutrients through placenta.

The Tabletop

If you're looking for a quickie in the kitchen, the tabletop's the sex position for you! This position requires you to sit on a sturdy, waist-high tabletop and for your man to stand in front of you. As he thrusts in and out, you can support yourself by leaning back on your arms or wrapping your arms around his neck. This position can also be adapted so you're sitting on the bed with him kneeling in front of you.

Scissors

Like the cross, the scissors position requires very little effort on the woman's part, so it's a great option if you're dead tired but still want a romp in the hay. This position requires you to lie on your side and lift your top leg. Your man can then straddle your bottom leg and support you top leg on his shoulder as he thrusts into you. Again, you may also want to place some pillows under your belly for support. 

69 Position

Sometimes you may not be able to have sex when pregnant, or you just might not want to. Don't rule out a steamy session with your lover, though. Consider getting into the 69 position, either on the top or the bottom, whichever makes you more comfortable. An orgasm feels just as good - and sometimes even better - when it's a product of oral sex. 

Get Down With Your Pregnant Self

There's not need to cut out sex when you're pregnant. In fact, many women report having some of the best sex of their lives. Chances are you've probably already been banned from a few of life's other great pleasures, such as wine, coffee, some cheeses and even sushi. Isn't it nice to know that sex isn't one of them?

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Men's Opinions On All Things Sex

By Kinkly Staff, January 9, 2014

Source: Tarragona/Dreamstime.com

If you've ever wondered what men think about sex - or perhaps about what other men think about sex - we've got some answers. In 2013, Glamour conducted a survey of 1,131 men between the ages of 18 and 40 and recorded their opinions on all things sex, including their sex lives, and their opinions about sex, sexual harassment in the workplace, and even their sexual politics. Some of the results of this survey confirmed our suspicions, some came as a surprise and some, well, made us laugh. Check it out below.

HPV: Separating Fact From Fiction

By The Redhead Bedhead, April 14, 2014

Takeaway:This STI is about as common and widespread as it is misunderstood.

Source: 72soul/Dreamstime.co

The first time I ever heard of genital warts was in an article in a women’s magazine in the late '90s. It spoke of a young woman who, after one sexual experience with a cruel partner who told her nothing about the status he obviously new about, developed genital warts and, according to this incredibly helpful and not at all sensationalist (can you hear my sarcasm?) article would now have it FOR LIFE! I got it in my head at that moment that genital warts were one of the worst things that could happen to someone. 

Years later, the medical community has learned so much more about human papillomavirus (HPV) - the cause of genital warts. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection. It is passed on through genital contact, most often during vaginal and anal sex. HPV may also be passed on during oral sex and genital-to-genital contact, even when the infected partner has no signs or symptoms. 

Maybe you didn't know that. Maybe there's a lot more you don't know about HPV. Here we'll separate fact from fiction when it comes to this incredibly common STI. 

HPV Fiction: Once you have it you have it for life

FACT: Most people will have HPV at some time in their lives. For a lot of people, it causes no symptoms and goes away on its own. That’s right; it can come and go without your knowledge. How so? Our bodies are smart. In 90 percent of cases, the immune system will clear the virus all on its own. 

HPV Fiction: You’ll know if you have it

FACT: You can have the genital HPV virus and exhibit no symptoms at all. Many people don’t know they are infected when they pass the virus on to a partner. As men function primarily as carriers of the virus and there is no effective test to tell if they have it, they are usually unaware of their status unless they contract a wart-causing strain. 

Plus, HPV can be present in your system for years before manifesting symptoms, so it’s possible to have the virus even if years have passed since sexual contact with an infected person. This is how HPV can come and go without an infected person even knowing about it.

HPV Fiction: HPV = Cancer

FACT: There are more than 100 different strains (or types) of HPV, 40 of which are sexually transmitted. Each type of HPV is identified by an assigned number.

Some types of HPV can cause warts, which most commonly occur on the hands and feet, in the genital area and around the anus, but they can be on any part of the body. The types of HPV that cause warts do not usually cause cell changes that may develop into cancer. We call these "low risk HPVs". The types of HPV that can cause warts include types 6, 11, 42, 43 and 44. 

Some strains of HPV can cause cellular changes called dysplasia, which increases the risk of cancer in the cervix, mouth or throat. We call these "high risk HPVs." Specific high-risk strains include 16, 18, 31, 33 and 45, with types 16 and 18 causing approximately 70 percent of cervical cancers. The other types cause most of the remaining 30 percent of cervical cancers.

HPV Fiction: Condoms will prevent the spread of HPV

FACT: HPV is spread via skin-to-skin contact, so condoms do not protect they way they do with infections spread via bodily fluids (although they help). Additional barriers like gloves and dental dams can provide additional protection. FC2 condoms for women are another option, because they offer a bit more genital coverage than traditional condoms. Also, if you are eligible for them, HPV vaccines can offer protection against certain strains of the virus. 

Fiction: An HPV diagnosis is something to be embarrassed about

FACT: First and foremost, don’t allow any STI diagnosis to make you feel embarrassment or shame. Sex educator Ashley Manta has produced some wonderful videos about dealing with the feelings that come up after the diagnosis of an STD. 

Finally, know that it’s not just you. A friend recently told me about giving her history to a new (and awesomely sex-positive) doctor and saying, "Oh, I forgot to put down that I’ve had HPV!! Is that a problem?" While making his notes, the doctor responded, "No, because really, who hasn't".

HPV is incredibly common. How common? So common that most sexually-active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. In fact, around 79 million Americans are infected with HPV right now, while 14 million people become newly infected every year. HPV is the most common STI. It’s definitely not just you. 

So that's HPV. In many cases, it's nothing to worry about. And it's never anything to be ashamed about. Practice safer sex, visit your doctor if you have concerns about HPV and, for women, have a regular pap smear if you're sexually active. Oh, and the best way to protect yourself? Learn the facts.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

11 Things You Don't Know About Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

I really wanted to share this great article on a disease that isn't spoken enough of. Why? I myself experienced PID in my mid 20's due to unsafe sex.

As I did not know I had PID in my system as it does not show much as in symptoms, I found myself unfortunately sterile as a result and unable to bare children. 

So please all read this important blog and lets get more educated on how to stay healthier.

Mel

By Alice Gray, February 7, 2014

Takeaway:PID has painful side effects, yet many of us know almost nothing about it.

Source: Sebastian Kaulitzki/Dreamstime.com

You've probably heard of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), but what is it exactly? It's a bacterial (or sometimes fungal or parasitical) infection that causes inflammation to the female upper reproductive tract - most commonly the fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus. It's not a condition that gets mentioned frequently, but the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that up to 750,000 women are diagnosed with PID every year. And getting it can be a big deal: PID can damage the fallopian tubes and tissues around the uterus and ovaries, causing serious consequences such as infertility, ectopic pregnancy, abscesses and chronic pain in the pelvic area. Plus, because it's often a side effect of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, it can be a sign that you've been infected.

Unfortunately, many women have never heard of PID. Here are a few things worth knowing.

It is most frequently caused by STIs

No one wants to discuss having having an STI, and many people don't even realize they have one. But if you're sexually active, you should get tested because the most common cause of pelvic inflammatory disease is chlamydia, followed by gonorrhea. These two common bacterial STDs often come without symptoms. Fortunately, they, like PID, can be easily treated with a course of antibiotics. (The testing isn't that bad, promise! Read more in Scared of STD Tests? You Shouldn't Be.)

Childbirth, miscarriage, abortion, surgery and an IUD can also cause PID

Anything that touches your cervix has the potential to let in bacteria, parasites and fungal infections, all of which can cause pelvic inflammatory disease.

You may be treated as if you and/or your partner have an STI

If you're diagnosed with PID, you will be treated with antibiotics. Your doctor may also prescribe them to your partner as a precautionary measure. Don't be offended. Untreated STIs are the leading cause of PID, so many doctors feel that it's better to be safe than sorry and treat both partners when possible. Yes, this is awkward when telling said partner. Yes, you should do it anyway. (Communication is a form of protection. 

PID is a common condition

It is estimated that more than 750,000 women in the U.S. have an episode of acute PID each year. Exact numbers for the total number of infections can be difficult to determine as PID has few symptoms, and often goes undiagnosed.

PID is the leading cause of infertility in young women (under 25)

The inflammation caused by PID causes the formation of adhesions (scar tissue) in the fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus. This scar tissue can eventually block the fallopian tubes, preventing eggs from passing through. It is also a major factor in causing ectopic pregnancies. Getting treated for PID early reduces the likelihood of fertility problems.

PID can lead to chronic pelvic pain

Left untreated, or even treated late, PID can cause chronic pelvic pain. This can manifest as severe pain during intercourse and/or pain in the lower abdomen (which can also be quite severe). 

The pain changes in severity depending on the time of the month

During ovulation, scar tissue becomes easily inflamed, which increases pain during intercourse. If you have PID, you might want to avoid penetration during that particular time of the month, or find positions that don't hurt as much.

No pain does not mean no problem

Depending on the cause of PID, you may have different symptoms. PID caused by chlamydia is normally asymptomatic, which means that many women only discover they have it when they seek treatment for infertility. However, you may find that you have symptoms such as: 

• Higher-than-normal body temperature.
• Fatigue
• Irregular periods
• Lower back pain
• Rectal pain
• Unusual vaginal discharge
• Vomiting

Nobody likes visiting the gynecologist, and with many of the symptoms you might not even think you need to. But irregular periods and unusual vaginal discharge should always be looked into. Lower back pain is a frequent symptom of many gynecological conditions as well.

PID can cause abscesses

An abscess is essentially an infected sore, and in PID, this can occur on the lips at the entrance of the vagina (known as Bartholin's cysts), as well as in the fallopian tubes and ovaries. This is normally treated with antibiotics. If the abscess does not respond to antibiotics, it may require surgery to drain it safely. It is vital that abscesses inside the pelvis be treated or removed as soon as possible, because they are potentially life threatening if they burst.

If you've had it once, you are likely to have it again

Sad but true: Women often experience repeated episodes of PID. The more often you get PID, the more likely you are to get it again in the future. The condition tends to return if the initial infection is not totally cured (which is why it is very important to complete a course of antibiotics), or because a sexual partner has not been tested and treated for STIs (another very important conversation to have). 

Even if your partners are STI-free and you've completed your course of antibiotics, if the first episode of PID has damaged your cervix, it becomes easier for bacteria to move into your reproductive tract, putting you at risk for developing the condition again. Repeated episodes of PID are correlated with an increased risk of infertility.

Using condoms and getting tested for STIs can help prevent PID

PID isn't always caused by STIs, but contracting an STI is the most preventable cause of the disease. Practicing safer sex and eliminating these most common culprits will increase your chances of avoiding PID. Plus, safer sex is sexy sex. And there's nothing sexier than taking good care of the your body and your health.