Contraception myths: The withdrawal method, the 'morning after' pill and period sex

Written by Natika H Halil
A story recently hit the headlines of a woman in Colombia using a potato as a method of contraception - which went badly wrong. According to Colombia Reports, she began to feel abdominal pain as roots were growing on the potato after two weeks, and doctors had to remove the object. She reportedly said her mother had advised her to try the contraception method.

At sexual health charity FPA we’ve never come across anyone using vegetables as contraception, but whether this story actually happened or not, we do know that people of all ages are relying on myths and misinformation to prevent pregnancy instead of finding a contraceptive method to suit them.

We take a look at some commons myths, and why it's so important to understand the facts:

MYTH: If your partner withdraws before he ejaculates you won’t get pregnant

There’s been a lot in the news recently about the so-called withdrawal method. But having a partner pull out before he comes is NOT a method of contraception and leaves women at risk of pregnancy. This is because it’s still possible for a sexually excited man to release fluid from his penis even without having an orgasm. This is known as pre-ejaculation fluid or pre-cum and, as it has sperm in it, it can lead to pregnancy.

MYTH: The only contraception choices are condoms or the pill

Although these two methods are still the most well know there are actually 15 methods of contraception available in the UK, all free through the NHS. Sadly, there are still only two choices for men (the male condom and sterilisation), although research into both the male pill and male contraceptive injection is ongoing. Women have a choice of 13 methods, including four methods of long-acting reversible contraception (LARC) which they don’t need to remember to take or use every day or every time they have sex.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you do it standing up

We still hear this one a lot. Sperm are very strong swimmers and gravity alone is not going to stop them reaching and trying to fertilise an egg! If you don’t use contraception then it’s possible for a woman to get pregnant whatever position you were having sex in.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you have sex during your period

Many women think that they’re only fertile for a few days each month, and so they believe they can’t get pregnant during their period and throughout most of their menstrual cycle. There are two factors that make this a myth. Firstly, many women have irregular menstrual cycles so it can be very hard to know for sure ovulation (when an egg is released) has taken place. Secondly, sperm can actually live in the body for up to 7 days so they can be hanging around ready and waiting to fertilise an egg.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if it’s the first time you have sex

This persistent myth is still out there and leading to unplanned pregnancies. If egg meets sperm then it’s possible to get pregnant, whether it’s the first, tenth or thousandth time you’ve had sex.

MYTH: Two condoms are safer than one

Although you might think that an extra layer will offer you extra protection, this isn’t true, and using two condoms actually increases the risk of them splitting or breaking. A male condom used correctly is 98% effective at preventing pregnancy and a female condoms used correctly is 95% effective.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you go to the loo or douche straight after sex

Going to the loo or douching (washing the inner and outer female genitals) won’t help to prevent a pregnancy. Again, this is down to sperm being fantastic swimmers. By the time a woman has got to the loo, or started to have a wash, the sperm are already well on their way and this isn’t going to stop them.

MYTH: It’s OK to re-use a condom if you haven’t got a new one

This isn’t safe – condoms (both male and female) are designed to be used once only, so don’t attempt to wash them out and use them again.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

7 Secrets About Men's Sexual Needs and Desires

A lot of frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. I found this great article by Scott Alden straight from a mans mouth, explaining to us women what men really desire.

A lot of annoying and frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. Most of them are based on extremes and seem to come from a need to put something very complicated in simple terms. We're not just looking to get off (we can take care of that pretty easily ourselves). It's not just the thrill of conquest (we assume that when women sleep with us it's because they want to and not because they've been  defeated, right?). It's not just our biological imperative to make as many little versions of ourselves as possible before we die (most of us are actually trying not to knock you up).

So what the hell is it? What drives men toward sex and what does it mean to us when it happens?

In the spirit of promoting better understanding between the sexes, here are six deep dark secrets about how men really feel about sex.

1. We Don't Actually Want Sex All The Time

We just think we're supposed to want it all the time, and unfortunately, this seems to be what women think, too. It's extraordinarily difficult for a man to say no to guaranteed sex, not only because it's considered unmanly, but because women tend to assume that something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. Just like women, we only want sex...when we want it. The problem is that we're often terrible at knowing the difference between sex we want and sex we don't want until the awkward post-coital embrace. We really need to work on that one.

2. Sex = Validation

We're constantly racked with self doubt. We try to ignore it, we cover it up with obnoxious bravado, and occasionally, we actually try to work on the bad habits that are making us feel so lousy about ourselves. Mostly, we try to push away feelings of inadequacy because we're afraid we won't be attractive to women if we present as anything but totally confident. It sucks.

There is a moment, though, when the inner critic just has to shut his stupid little mouth and let the grownups talk. It's the moment of orgasm, followed by the collapse into a woman's arms. That's the best.

3. It Is About Power

The domination thing is no myth, but it's not a scary bad thing either. We want you lost in a raging, out-of-your-mind, forgetting-your-own-name, ocean of ecstasy. We want to you to completely lose control and we want to be the guy who took it from you. But, really, it's not about power 'cause everybody wins, right?

4. We're Distant Because We Care

Sexual prowess is the Holy Grail of manhood. More than success, more than athleticism, more than witty banter—if we're not killer in the sack, we've failed as men. And there's a lot of ways we can fail. It can be over too fast or it can take waaaay too long. We can be too rough or too gentle. We're afraid if we're too emotional you might assume we're head over heels in love with you, or worse yet, we might totally creep you out. Worst of all, there's the fear that we won't get you off.

While some women can orgasm from physical sensation alone, for many, it's a more complex equation. Something like: Physical Stimulation+Feeling of Safety+Feeling of Danger+Loss of Control+Power+Crossing Our Fingers and Hoping For The Best+We Have No Idea.

We want you to have a good time and we certainly don't want you to tell all your friends that we suck in bed. It can be a lot of pressure. So, sometimes we just pretend we don't care and sometimes the pretending becomes habitual. Really, though, deep down, we care a lot.

5. You Probably Know More About What Sex Means To Us Than We Do

Men don't usually get the opportunity to observe themselves during the physical act of love. Women, on the hand get a first-hand POV of what we're like when we're doing it. If you really want to know what sex means to us, try to let go of your assumptions and just pay attention, because....

6. We're All Actually Pretty Different

This is the biggest secret of all, because it's not actually a secret. Everyone already knows that there's no fail-safe formula for understanding men. If you want to understand a man sexually, you have to have actual sex with him. Lots and lots of times. Unfortunately, it's the only way.

7. Oral sex is important

This is my personal rid-bit to this article that I discuss during training sessions. For those of you that didn't know, receiving fellatio is not about power. At times it can be, but usually it is about feeling 'wanted and needed'. This is a very personal sexual actual, just like it is to you ladies when men try and go south (women have stated they find receiving head more personal then sex itself). So when it is done for men, especially when they can see you 'want' to do and even better when you look like you are 'enjoying it', men feel closer to their partners. So next time you think about how to show gents you are really into them and want them...remember its that simple.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

10 Myths & Facts about your Orgasm

Every year, the number of studies proving the physical, emotional, physiological and even societal benefits of sex and orgasms just keep on growing. Nowadays it’s no secret that sex is an affective calorie burner or that orgasms can do wonders for your health. But when it comes to more in-depth orgasmic inquiries, it’s easy to get caught up in fictitious facts and figures. 

Realizing this, we’re here to help you better know your ‘O’ by once and for all separating orgasm fact from orgasm fiction with 10 orgasm facts and myths. 

MYTH: Aging reduces your chance of having an orgasm.

Due to built up trust, confidence, comfort and intimacy with a long-term partner, women actually experience better orgasms with age. In a recent survey, 70% of women in their 50s claimed that they had an orgasm the last time they had sex.  In addition, the older you are, the more familiar you will be with your body’s actions, reactions and pleasure points.

FACT: Difficulty reaching orgasm is a common issue.

Don’t be fooled by the media. One-third of women experience difficulty achieving orgasm during sex, and a whopping 80% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm solely through vaginal intercourse. Quite unlike the seemingly 100% success-rate of their male counterparts, women have to experiment and discover the rhythm and pressure combinations that their bodies most pleasurably respond to—a tantalizing trial made mutually mind-blowing with the aid of a couples’ vibrator.

MYTH: Your inability to orgasm is your partner’s problem, not yours.

While of course your partner’s performance plays a role, remember that like any relationship challenge, this, too, comes with shared responsibility. To improve your partner’s O-potential and increase shared pleasure, introduce him to a form-fitting couples’ ring. In addition, try physically, instead of metaphorically, pointing your finger, and become his guide, informing him of the three P’s of pleasure—pressure, pace and place.

MYTH: Experiencing multiple orgasms is extremely rare.

While simultaneous orgasms, experiencing orgasm at the same exact time as your partner, are indeed rare, over half of women can experience multiple orgasms—orgasms that consecutively “roll” into one another, each usually more pleasurable than the next. This feat; however, is mostly achieved by women in their 40s to 60s, due to the fact that they tend to be more relaxed during lovemaking.

FACT: You’re more likely to orgasm with a long-term partner.

While you may think that things with a long-term partner tend to grow icier rather than spicier with time, as far as orgasms go—the opposite is true. Women are less self-conscious, more relaxed and overall more comfortable with someone who knows them inside and out. Studies have shown that, raising your sexual self-esteem is a surefire way to help pave a pleasurable path from you to ‘O.’

MYTH: Condoms make it more difficult for women to achieve orgasm.

While condoms might deprive a man of experiencing maximum sexual pleasure, there is no evidence to support that condoms prevent or extend the time it takes for a woman to orgasm. In fact, condoms provide much-needed lubrication, and the fact that some men last significantly longer while wearing condoms could actually give you those precious extra minutes you need to achieve climax.

FACT: Women can have orgasms without any physical stimulation.

An extragenital orgasm is an orgasm brought upon by no physical contact with the body. These orgasms, although rare, could be brought about by fantasizing or abruptly come about by going about normal daily tasks. But be careful what you wish for: select women are constantly inconvenienced by hundreds of unprompted, spontaneous orgasms every day.

FACT: Eating certain foods can boost your orgasm odds.

While we often associate testosterone with men, it’s actually the hormone which controls sexual desire in women. Foods low in carbohydrates and high in protein:  dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish for example, work to raise free testosterone. Among other libido-boosting foods, small amounts of dark chocolate can trigger releases of dopamine—a monoamine neurotransmitter which allows humans to experience sexual pleasure.

MYTH: You’ll always know an orgasm by its sound.

Not everyone gets all When Harry Met Sally when they reach climax. Of course orgasms can be loud, but every orgasm is different, and their intensity cannot be measured in decibels. While the media has led many to falsely believe that they’ll know a “real orgasm” by its sound, anyone who has experienced a true orgasm knows that the experience can hardly be put into words, let alone sounds.

MYTH: No orgasm means bad sex.

It’s wise not to reduce things as natural and beautiful as sex as a means to an end. In fact, if you look back on your most pleasurable sessions of sensuality, they’re most likely ones that involved a considerable amount of toe-curling, tension-building foreplay—a mini, longer-lasting orgasmic experience in itself. Remember: sex, like life, is a journey, not a destination—meant to be enjoyed every step of the way.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

NEXT ARTICLE: WHEN YOU WANT IT MORE THEN HE DOES