10 Tips to be the Woman a man Desires

1. Remember that you’re 100 percent responsible for your own happiness.

2. Don’t be dependent or independent but be interdependent.

3. Be fun.

4. Be a friend.

5. Show your appreciation, do it often. That includes in bed. Know what I mean?

6. Let him off the hook, especially after you’ve made him aware of his infraction and he has apologized.

7. Live in the present moment.

8. Even when you’re upset at him, take responsibility for your actions and feelings.

9. More often than not, choose happiness over being right.

10. Cultivate a Lightness of Being.


www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Can You Be In Love With More Than One Person At The Same Time?

This tends to be a controversial question. There are valid points on each side. For me personally I spent my life with my partners strictly monogamous in my mind. But after a separation and self exploration in the last 4 years I have had much time to reflect on this exact subject.

I always felt that to be monogamous I had to make a conscious effort to not put myself in any situation that I would be 'tempted' or meet someone of the opposite sex I would 'connect' with. After 20 years of this (and let me be bluntly honest and admit in my early 20's I was not successful) I am looking at the fact that I had to be actively conscious which I now see as being untrue to myself. Connection comes in many forms and just because as a woman I connect with a man it does not mean I am supposed to have sex or a physical intimate relationship with each connection but in many cases this would be the outcome. 

If I reflect at the fact that I have had 3 intense loves of my life and that is over a 20 year period, how can I not deny that you can Love more then one person in a lifetime (and this is when the belief system of one soulmate needs reflection) or even be in love with more then one person at a time??

So I found an article written by John Kim and here is his stab at the topic. Have a read and reflect.

Many people mistake intensity, infatuation, and lust for love. They think they love someone, but they’re actually loving the intensity of the relationship.

For example, if you compare every love to your "first love," you may feel it doesn’t match up. That experience, regardless of whether or not it was healthy, was extremely powerful.

But maybe it was just the most intense due to its being the first major imprint on your heart? Maybe it was the first time you lost yourself in someone? Maybe you experienced a sticky codependent relationship with no boundaries. (A strong bond produced can feel like love when it’s actually dependency.)

Some mistake infatuation, a short-lived passion, for love. Remember that magical summer crush on the kid at camp? Or the yoga retreat when you met “the perfect man”? Or when you worked on that campaign, project, movie, etc?

With infatuation, we fill in a lot of blanks. We fall in love with ideas rather than the actual person. Although this is a form of truthful attraction, it’s not love. It’s the overlapping of a matching purpose. A slanted guesstimate. Fantasy. And depending upon where you’re at in your life and how much you want love or a relationship, it can feel like you won the lottery.

Lust is sexual desire. It’s a natural craving like hunger or sleep that you can adjust, manage, and aim. If you can’t, then healthy love will be difficult to build. I say “build” because love is ultimately about the choice and ability to build something with someone.

In order to build that kind of intimacy, the commitment factor needs to be there. One can argue that they can commit to two people or more people at once. But I believe the kind of commitment it takes to hit high notes in love, to build the kind of trust that’s life weathering, requires all of you.

Technically you can love more than one. But you'll lose potency. You’ll be building on sand instead of soil. And the love you can give and receive will be lukewarm at best.

So the question then becomes: Is that true love?

My definition of love is truth, commitment, and all-or-nothing. And since love is an action, not just space you carry in your heart, there’s not enough time in the day to romantically love many. I say, if you’re going to love, love one. And love hard.

7 Secrets About Men's Sexual Needs and Desires

A lot of frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. I found this great article by Scott Alden straight from a mans mouth, explaining to us women what men really desire.

A lot of annoying and frustrating myths get tossed around about how men think and feel about sex. Most of them are based on extremes and seem to come from a need to put something very complicated in simple terms. We're not just looking to get off (we can take care of that pretty easily ourselves). It's not just the thrill of conquest (we assume that when women sleep with us it's because they want to and not because they've been  defeated, right?). It's not just our biological imperative to make as many little versions of ourselves as possible before we die (most of us are actually trying not to knock you up).

So what the hell is it? What drives men toward sex and what does it mean to us when it happens?

In the spirit of promoting better understanding between the sexes, here are six deep dark secrets about how men really feel about sex.

1. We Don't Actually Want Sex All The Time

We just think we're supposed to want it all the time, and unfortunately, this seems to be what women think, too. It's extraordinarily difficult for a man to say no to guaranteed sex, not only because it's considered unmanly, but because women tend to assume that something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. Just like women, we only want sex...when we want it. The problem is that we're often terrible at knowing the difference between sex we want and sex we don't want until the awkward post-coital embrace. We really need to work on that one.

2. Sex = Validation

We're constantly racked with self doubt. We try to ignore it, we cover it up with obnoxious bravado, and occasionally, we actually try to work on the bad habits that are making us feel so lousy about ourselves. Mostly, we try to push away feelings of inadequacy because we're afraid we won't be attractive to women if we present as anything but totally confident. It sucks.

There is a moment, though, when the inner critic just has to shut his stupid little mouth and let the grownups talk. It's the moment of orgasm, followed by the collapse into a woman's arms. That's the best.

3. It Is About Power

The domination thing is no myth, but it's not a scary bad thing either. We want you lost in a raging, out-of-your-mind, forgetting-your-own-name, ocean of ecstasy. We want to you to completely lose control and we want to be the guy who took it from you. But, really, it's not about power 'cause everybody wins, right?

4. We're Distant Because We Care

Sexual prowess is the Holy Grail of manhood. More than success, more than athleticism, more than witty banter—if we're not killer in the sack, we've failed as men. And there's a lot of ways we can fail. It can be over too fast or it can take waaaay too long. We can be too rough or too gentle. We're afraid if we're too emotional you might assume we're head over heels in love with you, or worse yet, we might totally creep you out. Worst of all, there's the fear that we won't get you off.

While some women can orgasm from physical sensation alone, for many, it's a more complex equation. Something like: Physical Stimulation+Feeling of Safety+Feeling of Danger+Loss of Control+Power+Crossing Our Fingers and Hoping For The Best+We Have No Idea.

We want you to have a good time and we certainly don't want you to tell all your friends that we suck in bed. It can be a lot of pressure. So, sometimes we just pretend we don't care and sometimes the pretending becomes habitual. Really, though, deep down, we care a lot.

5. You Probably Know More About What Sex Means To Us Than We Do

Men don't usually get the opportunity to observe themselves during the physical act of love. Women, on the hand get a first-hand POV of what we're like when we're doing it. If you really want to know what sex means to us, try to let go of your assumptions and just pay attention, because....

6. We're All Actually Pretty Different

This is the biggest secret of all, because it's not actually a secret. Everyone already knows that there's no fail-safe formula for understanding men. If you want to understand a man sexually, you have to have actual sex with him. Lots and lots of times. Unfortunately, it's the only way.

7. Oral sex is important

This is my personal rid-bit to this article that I discuss during training sessions. For those of you that didn't know, receiving fellatio is not about power. At times it can be, but usually it is about feeling 'wanted and needed'. This is a very personal sexual actual, just like it is to you ladies when men try and go south (women have stated they find receiving head more personal then sex itself). So when it is done for men, especially when they can see you 'want' to do and even better when you look like you are 'enjoying it', men feel closer to their partners. So next time you think about how to show gents you are really into them and want them...remember its that simple.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au