So, You Wanna Be a Dominant?

By CJ Edwards, August 4, 2014

Takeaway:Realizing your dominant fantasy isn't as simple as you might imagine. Here are some skills you need to hone first.

DARE ME PLEASURE SET

It seems like a dream come true - a dutiful slave (or two) at your beck and call, ready and willing to submit to your every sexual whim, no matter how raunchy. No, you aren’t weird - a little kinky, maybe, but not weird. In the BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism) community, you would be referred to as a dominant. However, actually realizing this fantasy is often much more difficult than you can imagine. Not only does it require a true desire to be in control, but it also requires a number of other characteristics, some of which may surprise you. 

So, do you have what it takes to be a dominant? Let’s find out, shall we? 

Assertiveness

This is perhaps one of the most obvious qualities that every dominant needs to possess. In fact, assertiveness is an absolute must. 

To be a good dominant, you need to know what you want and not be afraid to voice those desires to your submissives. Now's not the time to be polite, so forget what your mama taught you and nix the "please" and "thank you." Instead, issue concise commands to get your point across. In other words, assert yourself!

Self-Confidence

If you lack self-confidence, you won't cut it as a dominant - and you probably won't enjoy it either. Other dominants, and even submissive, can smell a lack of self-confidence from a mile away. To be a good dominant, you can't constantly be worried about how you look to others or wondering what your submissives are thinking about you. 

That said, flexing your dominant muscles can do wonders to boost a flagging self esteem. If all you need is a little push, give this role a shot. As for the self confidence, there's only one thing you can do at first: fake it! Put yourself in the mindset that you are powerful, a sex god or goddess. Even if you're new to the whole dominant thing and have no clue what you're doing, faking it can go a long way toward helping you build true confidence.

SILK CUFFS

Communication

Communication is important during any sexual encounter, but it's extremely important during a BDSM scene. Open communication between a dominant and submissive is vital. As a dominant, you should be comfortable expressing your sexual wants and needs. You should also encourage your submissives to talk to you about what they want from the experience. 

Before any BDSM activity, or "scene," it's important to establish what roles everyone will play as well as well as any limitations participants may have. For example, you may be looking forward to a good caning. That's cool, just don't assume that your partner will be as receptive.

Also, always establish safewords before any scene. Traffic light colors - red, yellow and green - are widely considered to be universal safewords. Red obviously means "stop everything right now!" Yellow means "slow down" or "back off" but don't stop completely." Green, of course, means "bring it on!" 

If you choose to use your own safewords, make sure that they are words or phrases that could not possibly be brought up during a scene. For instance, "stop" or "you're hurting me" are generally very bad safewords because they might be used as part of play, whereas "jellybean" and "itsy bitsy spider" will work, if that's what you're into.

Responsibility

Being a good dominant involves a great deal of responsibility. Not only are you responsible for pleasuring others, you're also often responsible for their physical safety and emotional well-being. In fact, safety should come first, even before your or your partner's desires. If something seems unsafe, it's often best to avoid it and move on, especially if you and your partner don't know each other well. 

Respect

This may be a surprising attribute for a dominant, but it's one of the most important! You absolutely must have respect for both yourself and your submissives. 

Sure, submissives may expect a degree of humiliation spewing from your mouth, but don't take that to mean you can dish out real abuse. You must still respect their limits and get to know what they find arousing before you go all out. 

Self-Control

The perceived control that a dominant has over a submissive is nothing but myth. In reality, it is the submissive who has most of the power. Like respect, self-control is an absolute must for a dominant. Unfortunately, this can be one of the hardest things to learn, and it's especially hard to put into action during a scene. Dominants should be responsible for their submissives as well as their actions. If you lose your self control, you could lose your submissive. 

Knowledge 

Wanting to be a dominant is one thing. Understanding exactly what comes with such a powerful position is another. You can always add a little kink to your sexual repertoire, but BDSM takes it a little further. Be prepared to take the time to learn the ropes, so to speak, and educate yourself on the tools of the trade. Make sure that you take the time to learn how to safely use toys, bondage equipment, crops and any other equipment. (Check out some kinky bondage toys here.)

Patience

Training your submissive and learning how to be a good dominant takes a great deal of time and patience. You won't become a dominant overnight, so be prepared to sink some time into honing your craft. Start by reading everything you can on the subject, or perhaps consider learning from someone in the BDSM community. Finally, remember that practice makes perfect!

And then, if BDSM is right for you, get out there and whip some tussles!

WHIPS

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

VIRTUAL SEX A NEW REALITY WITH THE WE-VIBE APP

FELLA's LISTEN UP

We can now start our intimacy from ANYWHERE in the world!

Can you believe it?

Thats right, We-Vibe the Leading Couples Manufacturer globally has released its new high tech invention the We-Vibe 4 APP.

This app allows somewhere to be anywhere on the globe and as long as you have internet access you can sync the app to your partners couples vibrator!

Now you know how I have always talked about its a 2 minute warm-up for men and a 20 minute warm-up for women?

Well this app allows you to get her all ready for you on your commute home!

Or how about for those who live a distance away or travelling?

You can give her all those sensations without even being in the room. 

Brings Skype sex to a whole new level!

Or how about the cheeky ones who want to cheat without cheating?

Taking fantasies to a whole new level you could be with a lover using the We-Vibe and have another person anywhere on the globe controlling the vibrations!

Thats bringing the word 'Three-some' to a whole new level.

We are taking pre-orders for late August delivery. DON'T MISS OUT!

We envisage the first shipment to be sold before its hit the Australian shores.

BUY HERE http://loveandindulgence.com.au/index.php?id_product=383&controller=product

PORN WEEK- talking about the SILENT EPIDEMIC

WELCOME TO PORN WEEK

our most controversial week ever!

Welcome to PORN WEEK. If you have a son 8yrs and above, boyfriend, lover, partner or husband let alone a small daughter, this week is a VITAL educational week. This is our most important week released talking about the SILENT EPIDEMIC so please watch the video below and SHARE so we can all get educated on this topic 

DAY 1

Today we are going to look at the medical side of this SILENT EPIDEMIC. I encourage everyone to watch this amazing video filmed at TedX and start talking about this with other mothers, mates and family members so we can spread the word about what the REAL issue is about porn.

THE GREAT PORN EXPERIMENT:TedX with Gary Wilson

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Why do men want sex in the morning?

Why do men want sex in the morning while women get frisky at night? Mystery solved


Why is it that a man feels at his sexiest when he wakes up in the morning but a woman wants to go back to sleep? And why, late at night, when a woman is in the mood for love, is her man just lying there, snoring? It all comes down to hormones. Here's why our sex clocks don't always tick in time.

5 AM
Even before a man wakes up, his testosterone levels are at their peak -between 25-50 per cent more than at any other time of the day. That's because the pituitary gland -which governs the production of the male sex hormone -has been switched on in the night and levels have been steadily rising until dawn.

Women also make testosterone -the main sex drive hormone -but produce a fraction of the amount and it rises by only a tiny bit overnight. It is also kept in balance by oestrogen and progesterone. Men need only a normal amount of testosterone to feel like having sex. The raised levels in the morning means most men will wake up two to three times a week with erections.

6 AM
Slept well? A good kip is another reason a man may feel even more amorous in the morning. Studies have found that the longer and deeper a man has slept, the higher his testosterone levels. Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association shows getting more than five hours' sleep can raise male levels by an extra 15 per cent.

7 AM
While a man's levels of sex hormones are at their highest when he wakes up, a woman's are at their lowest. Male and female testosterone levels are at their highest at opposite ends of the day, so they are out of sync, says consultant gynaecologist Gabrielle Downey, of the Sandwell and West Birmingham Hospitals NHS Trust.

Downey says it takes more than hormones to get a woman in the mood, so men need to make an active effort."

Women's hormones rise and fall more over their monthly cycle than through the course of a day. At their height -midway through her cycle -a woman's levels of testosterone will be 30 times higher than at the start.

8 AM
As both sexes get ready for the day, levels of the stress hormone cortisol rise to help them wake up -and dampen the effect of sex hormones. Cortisol, studies show, lowers the sex drive of both men and women.

As the day goes on, men steadily make testosterone. The hormone is needed to trigger muscle growth and sperm production. Levels will fall and rise every 90 minutes through the day as part of the body's in-built clock.

12 Noon
An attractive colleague wanders into the workplace. But it's his nervous system and not his hormones that kick into action.

The sight of someone attractive immediately releases feel-good brain neurotransmitters called endorphins -and triggers blood flow to a man's genitals. Sex hormones take longer to increase. However, when confronted with a sexy person, a man who already has higher testosterone levels is likely to be more flirtatious. Men with more testosterone are also more likely to be found attractive by women, according to researchers at Wayne State University in Michigan, US.

1 PM
Women who catch a glimpse of a hunk at lunchtime, are less likely to be aroused than if a male colleague sees someone he fancies. Instead, studies have found that a woman's testosterone levels are more likely to be boosted by the anticipation of sex with her own partner.

In one study by the University of Texas, women in long-distance relationships gave five saliva samples. The tests were given two weeks before they saw their partners, the day before, before sex, the day after sex and three days after the pair were separated. The women's testosterone levels hit their peak the day before they were due to see their partners again.

6 PM
As evening approaches, men's levels of testosterone start to fall while women's sex hormones gradually rise.

Studies have shown, that an after-work gym session can boost the libido of both genders. Research by scientists at the University of California, San Diego, found men who exercised had a boosted libido.

They also reported having 30 per cent more sex and 26 per cent more orgasms. A University of Texas study showed that women who had 20 minutes of cardio were more aroused by seeing an erotic film than those who had not exercised.

7 PM 
When it's time to unwind after a stressful day, even putting on music can affect sex hormone levels. A Japanese study by Nara University found that music boosted testosterone levels "significantly" in women but had the opposite effect in men.

Researchers believe the reason is that music may make women feel more relaxed, bonded and in turn more sexual, while in men it calms their aggression and in turn reduces their levels of testosterone.

8 PM
If an important match is on TV, the results can also affect a man's testosterone. According to a study of saliva tests by the University of Utah, sports fans watching a World Cup game boosted hormone levels by about 20 per cent if their team won.
After a loss in a big game, there was a 20 per cent drop in levels.

By contrast, women are more likely to be affected by actually playing sport rather than watching it.

9 PM
By now, a man's testosterone level is dropping to the day's lowest level, while a woman's is heading towards its highest point. But, sexual desire in women is not a simple story.

Downey says, the greatest factor influencing sex drive is body image. If a woman sees herself as unattractive, she is much less likely to want to have sex. Which is why, women with polycystic ovaries, who have increased levels of testosterone, don't have increased libido. They often see themselves as overweight and not attractive -and that feeling over rides their heightened sex hormones.

10 PM
Even though men's testosterone levels are now at their lowest, they are still more likely to have sex in the evening as men's levels are still running higher than a woman's, says Downey. She adds that once they are making love, if a woman's testosterone levels are peaking because of where she is during her cycle -around the 13th day -her orgasms are more intense and they will be felt all over the body.

When the levels are lower, her climaxes are less intense and centred mainly around the sexual organs.

-Daily Mirror

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

PORN vs. CHICKFLICKS

“PORN for men is what

CHICK FLICKS is to women” 

Written by Mel Macdonald

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

How is this even possible that we can compare porn to chick flicks?

For those who are looking to be shocked and educated about an epidemic happening in todays society or are concerned for their children’s future relationship and marriage wellbeing, I suggest you hang-in there with me and read this article in entirety even though it is just the tip of the iceberg!

As females we see porn as more of a derogatory thing towards women. If you asked a guy “Do you think porn is damaging?” some men will also agree it can affect the way they view us women BUT not one man would say that it might be ‘re-wiring the pleasure centre of his brain’. Did you know that?

Now with chick flicks your asking “what’s wrong with some escapist entertainment?”

Well these chick flicks have also be referred to as “emotional porn”. Women are comparing men to fictional hero’s and disregarding the qualities that are actually important for a successful relationship.

Women are oblivious that while they are munching on their popcorn and blowing into their tissues that all the animations, movies and ‘chick-lit’ that they are consuming over the years has underlying messages that are ‘re-wiring’ our brains about life, love and romance.

In-turn both porn and chick flicks is distorting marriage, sex, sexuality, commitment, love, security and intimacy within relationships.

Male porn users base their attraction on the physical, become dissatisfied with their sex lives and bring impossible expectations of sex into their relationships.

Women chick flick viewers have their desires more subtly distorted by movies with expectations of what they see on the big screen bringing dissatisfaction when their counterparts can’t live up to this fantasy.

In response to this ‘re-wiring of the pleasure centre of the brain’ here is what commonly is happening today.

As women we date these men (whether its for one night or not) and are flabbergasted when the below things happen

1.    He is not saying all the right things

2.    I don’t feel that electric chemistry

3.    He isn’t living up to my checklist

4.    He’s not fulfilling all my dreams and desires

5.    He isn’t flattering me with compliments

6.    He can’t get it up!

Today ED (erectile dysfunction) seems to be a common complaint with guy’s predominately in there 20’s and early 30’s.

Women aren’t happy, as we automatically perceive that this ED has something to do with us. Maybe we aren’t pretty enough or attractive enough?

Actually it’s neither. It has NOTHING to do with us at all. This actually has to do with a generation of men who have been brought up with high-speed Internet porn and don’t realise that their brains have been re-wired. They don’t know any different. Let me explain more…

Up till the 1970’s causes of Erectile Dysfunction (ED) were 90% psychological and 10% Organic, organic meaning a physical cause. Due to todays modern technology it is now 10% psychological and 90% Organic.

To get an erection the normal chain of messages are sent from,

Brain – spinal cord – spinal nerves – penis (to become erect)

All nerves are linked in the erection chain.

ED was commonly only seen in elderly men due to ageing and is caused by blocked blood vessels to the penile area. ED for older men stems in the penis area and medical practitioners commonly prescribe Viagra and other ED medicines to assist with this flow.

It was known that ED should be rare if not unheard of in teens and men in there 20’s till now due to the ‘high-speed Internet porn’ availability today!

“ED is now common amongst men as young as teenagers and becoming a silent epidemic”

Now what I want you to know is that ‘porn’ is like any other drug and you can become an ADDICT. With anything we do we have a ‘reward circuit’ hardwired into us. The drug chemical ‘dopamine’ turns our reward circuit on which motivates us get the ‘desire’ to do whatever we need to do. Right at the beginning in the chain of messages sent for an erection ‘dopamine’ triggers this reward circuit.

Sights, sounds and touch send messages to the ‘reward circuit’ and then goes to the hypothalamus ‘erection centre’. It sends dopamine to the penis for an erection.

If you have porn related impotence it means you have ‘re-wired’ this chain of command and it doesn’t work. (Please take note that the first sexual experience a boy has with a women is via porn at an average age of 11 years old).

However what is happening is it rewiring the brain ‘pleasure centre’ in our men and affecting their sex drives towards women (which is why there are complaints about guys not getting it up). The scary thing about all this is they don’t actually know it!

I know your wondering “Is there any hope for these guys?” Yes

As per Gary Wilson, Anatomy and Physiology teacher and speaker on YouTube ‘The Porn Experiment: TedX’ states,

“They need to actively:

1.    Stop all porn viewing now

2.    No porn fantasising

3.    No masturbating

4.    No orgasm

5.    Find replacement activities

Now how long will this take? Depends on how long they have been watching porn, how old they are and the extent to which they watched it. The actual structure of your brain has changed so a 2 month period is not unusual for most mature aged men and for younger more excessive users it can take up to 5 months.

Movie depicts ED

I suggest you watch the movie Don Jon for a better understanding and also go to www.yourbrainonporn.com for more information on this topic.

Now ‘chick flicks’ work in a similar fashion to porn with the re-wiring of the brain.

Just as porn is a fantasy for men, ‘chick flicks’ or “emotional porn” is our fantasy as women. Both porn and chick flicks set up expectations of the other person within our own pleasure centres in our brain.

Now understand that for girls our first experience with a boy is in fantasy movies, literature and animation cartoons and starts at infancy age!

"Our level of attachment is dependant on the frequency of these movies we watch"

It completely determines how strong our attachment is to that fantasy. So when someone says to you that “chick flicks aren’t real”, if you’re a long term viewer your pleasure centre has been wired to believe that they ARE real and your likely to get severely offended!

They are simply a fantasy. You cannot expect every man you meet to do all the things in the movies. Say the right things, buy the right things, do the right things as per our (individual) desires and level of fantasy that we have created in our ‘pleasure centre’ of our brain.

Women make men believe that they are victims and that men break their hearts for sport. Women say they want ‘true love’ but all women want is their checklist that she has obtained from these chick flicks. Is he:

·      Perfect?

·      Handsome?

·      A doctor or financially stable in a good job?

I loved a comment I heard on a movie recently,

“Unfortunately for men they are not sleeping with you they are sleeping with a carefully calculated set of ‘vino’ choices.

Money over Substance

Looks over Soul

Polish Over Principles”

Lets look at it. We have been watching chick flicks and fantasy movies since we started watching cartoons. Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty and the beast, Rapunzel, Shrek even!

So, I’m not for a minute telling you you’re an idiot for believing it, what I am saying is just like how guys are shocked when they find out that their brain has been re-wired by porn, ours has been re-wired from a younger age to believe that men should be behaving a particular way just like in the movies. It’s unrealistic and it’s NOT your fault!

“Society has been preening us for years into a false sense of pleasure”

As young women we do buy-in from the chick flicks and in many cases become ADDICTED to the feeling we get when we watch or read these stories. That’s the same ‘dopamine’ release that happens with porn via our reward circuits.

We have been preened that there is only supposed to be one person in our life to meet and fulfil ALL of our needs and desires. I’m not talking about sexually, I am talking an out other facets of your life in health, spirituality, romance, friendships, business, finances, career, in travel.

The No#1 Romantic movie of all time has creating high expectations

Just look at the highest ranking movie The Notebook. Men cringe as they know they can never live up to the character Noah portrayed in this romance story. Many women never find their ‘Magic Man’ as they live completely within this fantasy expectation. 

Now I am saying ‘fantasy expectations’ because until you acknowledge that we have been unconsciously re-wired from such a young age then that is actually what you are living in.

When you are aware of this rewiring your ‘checklist’ will be completely overhauled. You will spend your time educating yourself more then romanticising and will have more fulfilling relationships regardless of whether it lasts a day, a week or years.

Other changes will occur

-       Your perception and tolerance towards men will change.

-       You won’t feel disgusted that guys watch porn but more curious.

-       You’ll forgive even when your heart is bruised because you understand that he is maybe no longer your ‘Mr Perfect’ and that someone or something else better might be around the corner.

-       You approach relationships completely different with a different perspective.

-       Guys will want to talk to you. They will be drawn to you, as you become a conundrum to them!

-       You don’t belittle them or emasculate them and if you do you acknowledge what you did swiftly.

“Crazy Stupid Romantic Love still exists out there”

However, when you no longer have it as an expectation, when it does happen it’s a pleasant surprise and will have a greater impact on you, as now you will be able to actually identify it and appreciate.

For both sexes, when the ADDICTIONS have been removed and your brain is ‘re-wired’ again, your perspective and everyday life will change as life will now come without a preconceived idea of your destined future or incapable expectations.

Then and only then will the world be your oyster!

THIS JUST IN: Men buy far more sex toys in the week before sport events

This just in: men account for four of every five sex toy transactions at LELO in the week before a big sporting event. This is a fact, and we can prove it.

On any typical day here at LELO.com, 50% of transactions are made by men, and 50% by women. If you’re surprised by that figure, don’t be, because that’s a normal buying pattern throughout the whole industry. What might surprise you, though, is how that buying pattern changes in the run up to any big sporting event, like the Super Bowl in the US, or the Champions League final in Europe.

Based on our data, we believe that men and women in relationships have a kind of agreement: the guy spends time with his friends to watch the big game, and in advance he sweetens the deal by buying his partner a vibe which she has chosen, or they’ve chosen together.

So What’s Happening?

We can’t be completely sure, but we ARE sure of this: it’s not a coincidence. The most interesting thing is the way it breaks down regionally. For example, in the days before the Super Bowl, men represent 74% of all Americans buying from LELO. But in the week before this year’s Champion’s league final, which included two Spanish rival teams, more than 80% of Spanish transactions were made by men.

The graph below shows transactions by gender, marked with the dates of big international sporting events, and our projection of how the trend will increase in the run up to the forthcoming World Cup soccer championship.

 Data collected from January 2014 on LELO.com

And What Are The Guys Buying?

So how do we know the guys are buying for their partners, and not for themselves? Well that’s pretty straightforward. Sales of the three products below explode in this pre-sport buying period, and as you can see, they are not male sex toys.

And from now until the World Cup kicks off, it’s 

FREE DELIVERY on the below items

So we’re asking you this: has your partner ever bought you a sex toy before a major sporting event, and what do you think explains it? Answer below…

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Love has many faces or does it?

LOVE HAS MANY FACES OR DOES IT?

Written by Mel Macdonald

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

As women its like we are bred as hopeless romantics from the beginning. I remember being about 6 years old and doodling on my notebooks at school my first name and the surname of the guy I had a crush on. If it didn’t rhyme he wasn’t for me (funnily enough I still do this and I’m over 40!).

I’m not sure if this theory works or not after 2 marriages ending in divorce (and yes my name rhymed well) but maybe that’s because I wasn’t fully aware that love actually has many faces.

I know people believe that we have 1 soul mate and they go about hunting this person down to spend the rest of their lives with them. 

"But who says you’re supposed to marry your soul mate?"

I know who mine is and he is the one I have kept as a friend all these years. I know we are not supposed to be together this life and I would never risk that connection we have on some belief that he is the one I am supposed to marry.

So what is love and what does it look like?

For me, as a kid, love was those butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

As a teenager, he was the hot guy down the road whom you did your first everything with.

As a young adult, he was the man that would be there no matter what. He was the stable logical one in the relationship who would rush home if you were sick and thought your were beautiful even if you were having a bad hair day.

In my mid 20’s, he was the one I least expected. Not the clean-shaven man I was looking for but a gentle person that had many physical facets that I never looked for in a man. He made me want to give up everything just to be with him (and I did).

My late 20’s and through my 30’s, love came in the form of the ‘hot jock’. It was all about the lust from day 1 to the end and beyond! I know it was more lust then what we describe as love but was that really that bad? I mean, how many couples still grope their partner after 10 years?

Then came my 40’s. Lots of reflection and self love for a few years without the distraction of a relationship and then came the dating. There was the young hot one who loved living in our bubble of happy conversation and mutual growth. Then came the long distant lust affair of two people desperate to meet again. Then I stumbled across the opposite of anything I was intentionally looking for.

If intensity was on a scale of 1-100 this guy was 1,000.  I warned him on our first date not to fall in love with me cause I would “break his f’n heart”. Did that stop him? Hell no! He was a goner immediately. I was like nothing he had ever met before and even though for him our date was supposed to be part of a bet with his mates, it turned into something else real fast.

He offered me more in 1 week then any man had offered in me 25 years of dating!

“This is ridiculous…this is out of control…he is not what I am looking for. He smokes…blah…he drinks more then I am comfortable with…he lives most of the year overseas. This is crazy! No, no, no, no!”

Now does love at first sight really exist or is it just the bunch of chemicals your body is releasing that is playing tricks with your mind?

Love can actually come across like a drug. Kissing alone is 200 times more powerful then morphine so can you imagine how someone is feeling when you’ve taken it to the next level?

If its been a long time between drinks its like an overdose.

These are chemicals that are getting released into your system-

Adrenaline -makes you feel exhilarated

Beta-endorphins -increasing the feeling of human bonding

Oxytocin - also known as the cuddle drug

Serotonin -acts like an anti-depressant making you feel serenity and ecstasy

Vasopressin - better known as the protection drug. Supports feelings of possession (you are that possession now)

Testosterone - fuels your sex drive making you feel sexually virile

Phenylethylamine -triggers the release of Dopamine making you feel overwhelmed with feelings of bliss, attraction, and excitement and is your fireworks!

So the logical brain kicked in and asked, “Is it really love or just that we are loving the drug affect we are getting being around each other?”

I hadn’t been looking for love. I hadn’t wanted anything significant. I was just out there again, on the market, and seeking open-minded enlightenment. I was doing what I called a ‘social experiment’ and I stumbled across a man who would shake it all up. Shake up my ‘in control’ program.

Love does come in many forms and most of the time it’s when you least expect it and not with whom you thought. So when you’re not sure, hang in there a little longer to see how you feel after the drugs wear off!

Love has many faces or does it?