Why Husbands consider Cheating or up for the concept of a Mistress

Women stop having sex with them. Yes, the wives simply refuse to have sex!

I speak to men online all the time and I can tell the married ones and this is the no#1 complaint. It doest matter what the man does.

He tries to romance his wife, helps around the house, baths her in compliments and still...nothing, nada, a desert!

It's not uncommon that this happens after having children. Its like she's angry for now having exactly what she said she wanted...kids and his the one that pays the price of no sex to reproduce again till she's ready to do it all again. I say this as focus groups have shown that its not uncommon for the sex to go dry for a year till 18months on average!

For many woman they struggle with the new shape of their bodies. They don't think they are desirable or sexy anymore. WRONG! He wants you...he needs you...and most of all having sex is the most intimate act two people can do together. Simple intimacy is all he needs.

Quite frankly its unfair to remove the sex and expect him to stay faithful. 

Show some interest in his job and hobbies ladies.

After many conversations with escorts I have had my eyes completely opened on what happens with the hour that men have paid for. Many women look down at prostitution but ladies you have it all wrong. These woman should be thanked (I can hear you saying WTF right now but hang on a sec) as if it wasn't for them your marriage would actually be over!

Why do I say this, well I'll let you in on a little secret on the breakdown of this paid hour. The first 45 minutes is simply TALKING. Yes talking. He just wants to be heard.

The last 15 minutes is spent 80% of the time getting oral sex only.

In my workshops the biggest shock of the day is not touching a vibrator for the first time, its finding out the meaning of oral sex to men. Most women think its all about power. Wrong again! Don't get me wrong, at times this is the case but a blow job is just as personal for a guy as it is for a woman. It represents being needed and wanted.

Now ladies when you first met you had no issues in showing him this but why do you shy away from providing this form of intimacy in a long term relationship?

(Pssst now don;t forget in the past we have talked about how 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Him going down on you is perfect for this pleasure. If your not putting out how can you expect it in return. Fairs fair ladies).

The white picket fence

So you got the man with the status and career, the house, the baby and the money. Tick tick tick

So you got what you wanted so no need to have sex anymore. WRONG! To keep this you need to keep the one thing that he, as a man needs, INTIMACY which = SEX

So if your wanting to keep the fantasy 'happy home' you have dreamt of, either hold up your end of the bargain or understand when your man temporarily strays is all I can say.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

Why we Cheat?

By Melina Macdonald

This is a question that people in all honesty ask themselves in the silence of their thoughts not out loud. Why? Because in actual fact the truth hurts.

It doesn’t really matter whether you are asking why other people are doing it or why you just did it; the fact is the truth is the most disturbing part of this dilemma and what actually seems to be becoming a more common occurrence in today’s busy society.

The gender is also irrelevant in this topic as quite simply both parties are doing I it as much as each other. Adult sites have been created just to help people do this very thing…cheat.

Both Victoria Milan and Ashley Madison websites, whose target market is married people looking for affairs, have conducted their own surveys to keep in touch with what their customer base wants and what their common traits are. The most amazing statistic to come out of these is that people are having affairs with people that they find to be less attractive then their spouses. Less! The common belief that we tend to ‘upgrade’ to a younger hotter version is also not entirely true with 30% of men and 50% of women having this as an important factor. However what is common is the same thing I believe to be true, the lovers seem to be better listeners and more passionate.

I have written other articles in the past about this very topic…cheating, and discussed the common occurrence that tends to happen in the brothels. The men spend the first 45 minutes just talking. They simply just want to be heard. The last 15 minutes is oral sex 80% of the time and more commonly these days is that the men want to be the one giving it!

So if passion and listening is the main reasons for people cheating then why can’t this be solved at home?

So I say lets look at the findings and pop a simple plan in place to alleviate the stresses.

1.     Take time to listen. Why not go for walks together and during this time both just listen to other person talk with no interruptions and no judgement. Walking is a great way to get fit and either shed those kilos’s to deal with that aesthetic reason too.

2.     Keep the passion alive. Why not surprise your partner by changing it up once in a while. To do this you need to think about a few factors so go look at yourself in the mirror. How do you hold yourself up? What are you wearing? Ditch the sloppy Joes because trust me, your partners lover is not dressing like this! Put effort into how you look and most importantly care about how you look. Note to both sexes: Buy some sexy underwear.

3.     Make time for sex. For those of you saying out loud right now “but I have kids”…shut up! This has to be the single biggest excuse for basically ‘procrastinating’ from having sex again (you know who you are). Yes things have changed in your home environment but we are not talking about a weekend shagging up session. We are talking about a job that can take minutes to (I’m going to suggest) 30 minutes of your schedule. Make chores a joint effort so kids are in bed by 8pm and off you go! Relationships are about making time, making things a priority and nurturing the one factor that brought the two of you together which was intimacy. It is the single most driving force within a relationship and if you think it isn’t then your perception of relationships is severely warped. People with no money, those that are severely overweight and those that have 10 kids still find time to be intimate (the other common arguments on why people break up or cheat). So if you want to keep your relationship healthy MAKE TIME now.

4.     Try something new. Relationships can get boring and monotonous. Starting a new hobby, changing routine every now and again or even roles within a household can stimulate change. This includes date nights and how you romance your partner. It can be a hit and miss but as long as you’re trying its great.

5.     You need to be more then just good friends. Lust is a driving force in a long-term successful relationship. Please note that when I say ‘successful’ I am not meaning how many years you have been together, I am meaning that you are both ‘in love’ with each other not just ‘love’ each other.

6.     Get out of your comfort zone together occasionally. Ditch the kids and go stay at a hotel. Its doesn’t have to be a dirty weekend. Just the element of doing something different is important enough.

My last piece of advice is Piss Off The Fear!

Fear of rejection is the NO#1 factor of relationship breakdowns. Fear to talk about how you feel, what you want, what you need, what your passions are, what your desires are and especially what your sexual fantasies are. This is why people cheat! The fear of approaching there loved one and being looked at as a freak, dirty, pervert etc. is why they turn elsewhere. So throw away the fear of rejection and stop living a lie as this in itself.

www.lveandindulgence.com.au

The STI Blame Game

By Melina Macdonald

Did you know that there is a higher chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STI) via Oral Sex then through good old-fashioned normal penetration sex?

If you are saying NO, which is typically over 80% you, I suggest you invest the next 7-minutes of your life getting a fast education about how to have safe oral and penetration sex (even those of you in a monogamous relationship), how to experience your fantasies of threesomes safely and understand that this should not be a scary topic! Lets also discover WHY figures are showing an annual increase in STI’s and that NONE OF US is out of harms way of catching one.

Modern technology has changed the face of our sexual relationships with some people utilising online platforms like Tinder and Scout to find a quick hook-up, use Ashley Madison to have an extra marital affair, or Redhotpie and Adult Matchmaker to satisfy sexual curiosities or find that perfect playmate for a night. The typical ‘monogamous’ or ‘no sex before marriage’ relationship has evolved just like how our family trees have evolved over time.

So when we look at all the different kinds of relationships we have today you would think that safe sex with condom usage would have increased over time for protection. Wrong! The Australian Bureau of Statistics reports show STI’s such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and HPV are annually on the steady increase.

Australian condom manufacturer Big Richard stated that research showed 53% of 16-24 year olds use protection and condom usage declines as people grow older. Now do remember that condom usage should be for STI protection not necessarily for pregnancy contraception. So lets look at why this is happening by discussing a simple sexual scenario.

Scenario

Man meets woman. Woman gets her regular Pap smear and STI check-up and discovers she has a STI. Woman decides to advise sexual partner/s and suggest they get an STI test as to make sure they don’t pass this STI back and forth to each other.

Reactions options to STI conversation:

-       Obtain medication from doctor and move on.

-       Both start finger pointing accusing the other of cheating.

-       Treat the other like they are ‘unclean’.

-       Relationship instantly goes bust.

Reality is:

-       No-one honestly knows who did what or who had what or who spread it

-       Finger pointing isn’t solving anything

-       Treating or viewing someone as ‘dirty’ & ‘unclean’ is ridiculous

-       Most people have zero idea about STI’s as they prefer to have their heads in the sand about this topic

-       There is too much stigma around STI’s so it is not openly discussed

Its time to now have a frank conversation about why people just like you, yes you, do NOT use protection like condoms or oral dams in all their sexual encounters:

People look at someone and assume that they are:

-           Using protection or their other sexual partner’s are using protection

-           Honest & upstanding

and my favourite…

-           ‘Clean’

or

-       They are on the pill and believe this is enough protection (The pill is not a protection from an STI only pregnancy)

-       There is just no conversation or permission asking at all before he plays ‘bareback’ and just pokes it in!

Then we have the WHY he doesn’t want to wear one ‘bareback’ excuses:

- I can’t wait. Your sooo sexy and turn me. Lets just do it.

- I can’t cum with a condom on

- I can’t feel anything with a condom on

- I’m allergic to latex (this one can be genuine but there are non-latex condoms on the market)

- It will feel soo much better without one

- Don’t you trust me?

- I don’t have any on me

-  Ruins the mood

- Aren’t you on the pill?

FACT about STI’s:

-       Men are generally carriers

-       There are commonly NO symptoms. In fact most people that have STI’s are completely unaware

-       Some STI’s can lay dormant for months and years

-       People are uneducated or naive about sexual education

-       Some STI’s can cause irreplaceable damage such as chlamydia when undetected

-       They can be spread via sex toys that are not cleaned properly

-       Going from anal to vaginal sex spreads STI’s

-       You are not ‘unclean’ or ‘dirty’ because you have had one

-       Over 80% of sexually active people will experience one in their lifetime!

-       There is a higher chance of contracting a STI’s via oral sex. STI’s can be transmitted even when using a condom if you practice oral, anal or mouth to anal sex

There are 3 main STI risks in unprotected Oral Sex:

-       HPV (herpes simplex) 50-80% of adults have herpes virus 1 (also known as cold sores HSV-1) with more then half of the new genital herpes are being contracted this way. It is contracted through skin-to-skin contact NOT via bodily fluids and oral HPV affects 1 in 15 Americans as per studies done by The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health (The CSPH). It is the leading cause of oral and throat cancer more so then tobacco!

-       Gonorrhoea & Chlamydia are the most commonly transmitted via bodily fluids but are easily treated with antibiotics.

-       HIV is rare but can also be transmitted this way

-       Hepatitis and other bacterial infections can also be transmitted during mouth to anal play.

It is important to understand that most of these STI’s do NOT show symptoms (asymptomatic) or signs of the infection. Studies by CSPH showed that 82% of adults and 70% of adolescents do not use protective tools during oral sex such as condoms or oral dams.

Whether you are single or a couple all sexually active adults should be tested annually. Unfortunately most people never ask to be tested for oral STI’s as this is not part of the normal tests conducted. Even if you are using condom protection however you have had multiple partners you should always be getting regular STI check-ups every 3-6 months (depending on how frequently you have sex).

How to protect yourself from oral STI’s:

I understand that the idea of giving your man a headjob with a condom or your lady using an oral dam is weird or just plain yucky tasting but today there is some great products on the market that you can use as a flavour over these. They are not only safe to use (as it doesn’t break down the latex component of the condom) but is vegan and not harmful to your body (many flavoured lubricants unless organic are not recommended). 

Check out the NEW Lic-o-liciousOral Delight Cream manufactured by On by Sensuva 

Safety in a Threesome experience:

I want to touch on this topic quickly before I finish as this is a highly sort out sexual fantasy for many and they are not sure how to go about this safely. Recently I had someone who was talking to me about wanting to experience a threesome and hiring an escort was suggested to them. They couldn’t get their head around having an intimate experience with a prostitute. I advised that it is a highly advised option and that other then the escort making sure that this is a positive experience for all involved (this scenario can go pear shaped real fast), that if they are working as an escort or in a brothel they are a safer option in regards to STI’s (as they have monthly check-ups) then picking up some random in a bar.

Conclusion:

This is YOUR vagina or YOUR penis and at NO time should you expect someone else to be responsibility for your sexual health.

The ONLY person responsible for your sexual health is YOU!

So stand up, make a doctors appointment, pee in a jar and from now on remember YOU are the only person who truly knows where your penis or vagina has been so ALWAYS slap on a condom and get regular tests and…

Stop pointing fingers and just grow up people!

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

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Controversial Hot Topic is Fifty Shades

Last year I went to a workshop on Masculine and Feminine energy. Up until that day I thought I had dealt with my marriage breakdown and thought I understood what had happened but geeze was I wrong. That day I learned about the energies, how they work and how they affect the dynamics within a relationship. For the first in my life I could clearly see my relationships from the perspective of masculine and feminine energy and boy oh boy was it an eye opener! I could finally understand and see my last entire 11 year relationship layed out in-front of me in a language that simplified what had previously had me scratching my head and blaming something else.

This same speaker went will a group of women to watch the movie Fifty Shades of Grey and after reading her review and perspective I just had to share it with all of you so enjoy the read and trust me, Naomi will leave you a little more enlightened and with a new perspective.

So - we went to see the movie Fifty Shades Of Grey last night.

There were around 150 people in our group, made up of around 70% women and we were all curious to experience one of the most highly anticipated films for some time.

Now given this film is expected to gross $60m in it's opening weekend (well placed with Valentines Day), and the author E.L. James has earned over $95m from the books & the movie rights already with over 100 million copies of the books sold worldwide this is clearly a topic that has aroused the interest of many.

Within our group of friends, there have been polarising opinions - some thought it was interesting entertainment, some thought it was horrendous & sick, some thought it was degrading & wanted to walk out mid way, others thought it was cool and it sparked their curiosity to explore more.

Whatever your opinion on the content and the film - I find it interesting to understand the attraction that has created this level of curiosity, and the hidden story behind the story. What is it that makes a man behave in the way that he does, and what is it that would make a beautiful young woman want to surrender to his desires?

So if we look at this from a Masculine & Feminine perspective - today's women have taken on a lot of masculine energy in order to create success in the workplace, juggle households, children, financial responsibilities etc. Women have learned how to match it with men in the boardroom as an equal and are often earning as much or more money than their partners, as well as taking on the lions share of the household duties. They are used to being in control of making things happen.

Yet on a deeper level, there is a part of the feminine psyche that longs to surrender and not have to be in control. Part of our inner feminine being longs for a man to take control for us and to allow us to relax & receive his strength as our protector & provider. This may be a shadow value for women as it's been masked by our desire to be strong and powerful. What we want in the workplace is different to what we want in our bedroom which is confusing on many levels for both men & women.

Many women subconsciously desire a man who has strength, presence, stakes his claim on her as his woman and lets her know how special she is to him. A recent study by UCLA showed that 64% of women had sexual fantasies about being ravished by their man (ravishment is not rape) - where the woman can let go, knowing someone else is in charge who knows what he is doing, desires her & is determined to bring her pleasure.

Christian Grey is handsome, successful, powerful, arrogant, in control, knows what he wants & sets out to get it.

He acts as her protector, rescuer, provider and he lets her know that she is his woman (and only his). He takes control and claims her, letting her know his strong intention to pleasure her.

This is the ALPHA MALE energy that strong women may be drawn to in their deepest fantasy as they want to feel that they can surrender to the strength of the masculine, and on many levels this is a very beautiful and positive energy for a relationship.

The challenges and twists in this story however are introduced through Christian's narcissistic behaviour where he displays lack of empathy, a strong need to feel important, arrogance, exploitation, cruelty and a sense of entitlement.

Did Christian love Anastasia?

He told he that he was unable to love - he was fifty shades of fucked up from the inner torment and pain he was feeling within from the traumatic experiences he'd had in his past. I think he loved her in the way that he was able to love, but in a different form to what we see as traditional love. When he had challenges in his business and things didn't go well for him he wanted to inflict pain to her and punish her - but at the same time he let her know how special she was to him. INTERESTING behaviour.

This film was part 1 - the first book, and at the end Anastasia chose to walk out on him.

But we are left knowing that this is not how the story ends and that she in inextricably drawn to him and intoxicated with his power over her, so she will be back to try to love the man who believes he is unloveable and unworthy of love despite his material success. Anastasia feels the intense desire to nurture and rescue him to heal his pain, and allow him to feel her love.

Now at the end of the day - this story is not for everyone, and I totally appreciate the polarising perspectives and emotions that have been aroused on this very controversial topic.

I'm curious as to how you feel and what you see as the deeper meaning of the story, the messages for masculine & feminine and why it has sold over 100 million copies of the book worldwide.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au

12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

I came across this great article by Paul Hudson in Elite Daily and had to share them with you. Why? As they were written soo simply and soo accurately. So for all you Men out there, have a read as your Miss Right may be standing next to you sharing your fries and you were too blind to see...before you learn't those qualities below. Enjoy the read!

Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.

The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.

We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.

If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.

Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:

1. She’s smarter than you.

Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.

Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.

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2. She’s beautiful.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.

I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.

Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.

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3. She’s kind and nurturing.

Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.

In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.

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4. She’s vivacious.

Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.

Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.

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5. She loves you with all her heart.

This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.

Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.

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6. She’s willing to make compromises.

People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.

It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.

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7. She feels like home.

Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.

If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.

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8. She is more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong.

Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.

Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.

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9. She is strong, but feminine.

All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.

A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.

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10. She’s passionate.

A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.

The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.

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11. She’s driven.

I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.

Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.

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12. She means the world to you.

Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.

If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.

Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.

www.loveandindulgence.com.au